(no subject)
I feel like all my emotions are hugely jumbled and confused. Sometimes I just feel so sapped of strength to do anything at all. I just want to give up on everything.
Then it seems like I can immediately switch to anger and I'm just so mad at little things. That my roomies don't do the dishes, or that I'm living in a place where the cupboards don't close. Or even the fact that people who were given a position along with me, shouldn't have been because it will just mean that I will have to do some of their work, and they'll get off doing nothing.
Then I get sad, because I don't want to graduate. It worries me that I might have to face the real world soon, and it feels like I have nothing set up. That I have no friends and no job back home, and as much as I'm sometimes mad about being here, nothing is waiting for me back there...while I'm here complaining about dishes next year I might be living back with my mom (I REALLY hope this isn't the case) or, because I don't have a boyfriend, I'll be living alone in some apartment with no one to talk to.
I don't know why I'm so negative all of a sudden. Maybe the BCP I started? I really want to be positive, I just feel like the little things are dragging me down. I haven't been eating well, I'm sick and I watched the THIN documentary the other day... which was probably not a great decision.
Argh...I just want to be mentally healthy... is that so much to ask?!?
Then it seems like I can immediately switch to anger and I'm just so mad at little things. That my roomies don't do the dishes, or that I'm living in a place where the cupboards don't close. Or even the fact that people who were given a position along with me, shouldn't have been because it will just mean that I will have to do some of their work, and they'll get off doing nothing.
Then I get sad, because I don't want to graduate. It worries me that I might have to face the real world soon, and it feels like I have nothing set up. That I have no friends and no job back home, and as much as I'm sometimes mad about being here, nothing is waiting for me back there...while I'm here complaining about dishes next year I might be living back with my mom (I REALLY hope this isn't the case) or, because I don't have a boyfriend, I'll be living alone in some apartment with no one to talk to.
I don't know why I'm so negative all of a sudden. Maybe the BCP I started? I really want to be positive, I just feel like the little things are dragging me down. I haven't been eating well, I'm sick and I watched the THIN documentary the other day... which was probably not a great decision.
Argh...I just want to be mentally healthy... is that so much to ask?!?