just one of them days...
everything possile went wrong at Brixx today.. I still love it moe than Dockside...BUT I fucked up a huge pile of Pizza dough when i was cutting it because i forgot to put salmolina on each piece so that it didnt stick..and it stuck.. so I got behind on dough then I dropped an entire tray of toppings, kept dropping other things, I was slow at getting out (but much faster at re-stocking..i think..regardless i did 90% on my own unlike last night.. i just couldnt get the damn walkin mopped up because SOMEBODY didnt get all the water out last time they cleaned it...) oh well.. so that goes down and I feel shitty about my day..oh and I was almost late to work which is a sin in and of itself.. I still havent called Jeff (the owner) to tell him about my interview much less getting the job..lol.. because Ive been working till 10 or 11 and i dont want to call too late and anger him.. Its just been to crazy this week and I hope tomorrow is much better so that it isint my LAST day at Brixx. SO that was the first portion of my day.. then I find out that for the past month I may have been inadvertently hurting a friend of mine because she got upset with me and well long story.. but I've figured she was still pissed so i've left well enuff alone until she decided to talk to me or let it go till school starts again so that I can find an excuse to talk with her again.. I dont know.. Although... to my credit there is a 2% chance she wasnt talking about me because there were a few things that didnt add up in the story i got. WHO KNOWS... my life is crazy and I'll prolly be in surgery at some point this summer (yay for busted bodies). Although i dont know when.. i still have a shit ton of money and work to get ready for Germany and I am working EVERYDAY at one restaurant or the other (Brixx M-Th and Dockside F-Sun) till late at night. Oh and then there is the whole going to Germany for a month thing.. then there is working when i get back for money to buy the things I need for next year..baseball gear.. oh and heaven forbid john should want to have fun.. GOD I NEED A BREAK!!! Oh well.. at least Im still living and breathig.
And through it all life is still somehow GREAT. Im exhausted, in more pain everyday, and still singing louder than ever. God I've missed this man I once knew. I cant stop being Happy. Im finding strength in emotions that I have tried for so long to recapture. I hope this lasts throught the summer.. only one more test left to pass and it gets easier with each passing breath. And besides I have the greatest of joys to look forward to next summer... one of those happy memories that makes you wanna cry when you think of the hope it will bring and the life long strtides I WONT have to take to relive.. IM GOING BACK!! Philmont HERE I COME!!!!!! Its not official yet but it will be. The troop has weaseled a crew for next summer and have already asked if I wanted a spot. This time the kids will respect me and I WILL go the last 3 miles. I wont come off for anything.. NOT EVEN a broken leg.. they will have to drag me off kicking and screaming because I refuse to be pulled at the finish line again. For those that havent been.., I can only tell you it is the kind of experience that draws the members together as a family for the rest of their lives and sets goals and instills a desire into a person that you can barely imagine. I watched that walk away from me last summer and it broke my heart .. i had men that had never cared about me before nearly in tears because I was leaving and I was.. Now I get to finish.. and i get to see those beautiful peaks and vast open spaces that I've searched a lifetime to find, one more time. Thank God. sorry.. had to rant on that..
well thats enough for now.. ill be back tomorow to actually provide some sense of what I've been doing for so long.. tonight i just needed to ramble on for a while to get things out of my head. oh and please comment if you read this entry because i would appreciate knowing if anyone reads this anymore... and just who it is that reads this.
And through it all life is still somehow GREAT. Im exhausted, in more pain everyday, and still singing louder than ever. God I've missed this man I once knew. I cant stop being Happy. Im finding strength in emotions that I have tried for so long to recapture. I hope this lasts throught the summer.. only one more test left to pass and it gets easier with each passing breath. And besides I have the greatest of joys to look forward to next summer... one of those happy memories that makes you wanna cry when you think of the hope it will bring and the life long strtides I WONT have to take to relive.. IM GOING BACK!! Philmont HERE I COME!!!!!! Its not official yet but it will be. The troop has weaseled a crew for next summer and have already asked if I wanted a spot. This time the kids will respect me and I WILL go the last 3 miles. I wont come off for anything.. NOT EVEN a broken leg.. they will have to drag me off kicking and screaming because I refuse to be pulled at the finish line again. For those that havent been.., I can only tell you it is the kind of experience that draws the members together as a family for the rest of their lives and sets goals and instills a desire into a person that you can barely imagine. I watched that walk away from me last summer and it broke my heart .. i had men that had never cared about me before nearly in tears because I was leaving and I was.. Now I get to finish.. and i get to see those beautiful peaks and vast open spaces that I've searched a lifetime to find, one more time. Thank God. sorry.. had to rant on that..
well thats enough for now.. ill be back tomorow to actually provide some sense of what I've been doing for so long.. tonight i just needed to ramble on for a while to get things out of my head. oh and please comment if you read this entry because i would appreciate knowing if anyone reads this anymore... and just who it is that reads this.