alive again....maybe...just for now....crap...
So yeah I'm not sure where to startwith this update or what exactlyi SHOULD and NEED to include but here it goes...
For the past 2-3 weeks I have been extremely depressed. It took me a while to see it but its undeniable when you look back at how I've acted and felt. I still find myself cutting the people who mean the most to me out of my life because I'm tired of being hurt. I dont let anyone see how i really feel anymore and when i do I only show a little of myself. I just dont know who I am or what I want out of life anymore other than the fact that I just dont want to be ...well...me! Of course I am now actively working to get myself out of his funk but I dont know how well it will work, becasue everytime i start to go in the positive direction someone or something pulls me back in. Today I STARTED to feel happy for the first time in a long time..and I found out one of the men I consider a brother to me is potentially on his death bed or is at the very least in bad shape. He's long thought he may have cancer and never went to find out his test results for fear of what they would say and now his body is shuting down and he has a temp of 103.5.....Im so scared.I cant lose him..I just cant god damnit! Alan is my brother and one of my best friends and one of the only real friends i have ever had, even if I dont always act like it. Please EVERYONE PRAY FOR HIM!...You know what...i dont think i can talk anymore now...Just please pray for Alan Teitlman....I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!
For the past 2-3 weeks I have been extremely depressed. It took me a while to see it but its undeniable when you look back at how I've acted and felt. I still find myself cutting the people who mean the most to me out of my life because I'm tired of being hurt. I dont let anyone see how i really feel anymore and when i do I only show a little of myself. I just dont know who I am or what I want out of life anymore other than the fact that I just dont want to be ...well...me! Of course I am now actively working to get myself out of his funk but I dont know how well it will work, becasue everytime i start to go in the positive direction someone or something pulls me back in. Today I STARTED to feel happy for the first time in a long time..and I found out one of the men I consider a brother to me is potentially on his death bed or is at the very least in bad shape. He's long thought he may have cancer and never went to find out his test results for fear of what they would say and now his body is shuting down and he has a temp of 103.5.....Im so scared.I cant lose him..I just cant god damnit! Alan is my brother and one of my best friends and one of the only real friends i have ever had, even if I dont always act like it. Please EVERYONE PRAY FOR HIM!...You know what...i dont think i can talk anymore now...Just please pray for Alan Teitlman....I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!