The Thirty-Fourth Stanza - 관습도감 (Royal Stanza)
Read from the beginning.
NOTE: AN ENGLISH-KOREAN GLOSSARY HAS BEEN PROVIDED FOR REFERENCE AT THE END OF THE ENTRY, AS WELL AS ADDITIONAL READING.
-THE THIRTY-FOURTH STANZA-
“Is it a boy?”
“I can’t tell yet.” His mother smiled at his excited reaction as he watched the slight imprint the baby left on his mother’s stomach.
“I hope it’s a boy.”
“Well, I think either way, I’ll - ”
There was a grinding noise as the front doors were pushed open. Her face turned slightly pale. “Go back to your room, Yonghwa.” She quickly changed into an outfit that hid her slightly rotund belly.
“Yes, mother.”
From his room, he listened as his mother greeted his father, who had come back from a trip to Jeju Island. Both of them sounded perfectly normal…but he knew that his mother was struggling.
And, sooner or later, the truth would have to come out.
He was worried what would happen when he knew.
When the secret spilled.
---
Yonghwa woke up. It took him a few seconds to get his bearings.
It looked as though night had really fallen now. The stars were out in full force, their shimmering veil wrapping itself around the dome above them. A warm breeze blew around him, rustling the leaves of the trees - one of the fig leaves detached itself from its branch, and Yonghwa watched it as it slowly rocked its way down and casually settled itself down on top of Sooyoung’s nose.
Her breathing was quiet and refined; as she exhaled, the leaf trembled slightly atop its impromptu perch, and when she inhaled, it stuck to the sides of her nose as if it had been suddenly magnetized.
This went on for a good five minutes until it finally lost its balance and fell meekly by her side, alighting on the grass.
He considered placing it back on her nose, but it wouldn’t have been the same.
A small sound a few meters away made him turn his head. Hyun was sitting cross-legged beside the steadily burning embers of the campfire, slowly rocking her body to and fro and humming a tune that he couldn’t seem to place, her eyes staring into the depths of the flames as if it contained her deepest desires.
He raised himself up quietly, careful not to wake Sooyoung who was asleep next to him.
“Still awake?”
Hyun jumped slightly and looked up. “I promised I would take watch.”
“You should’ve switched out a long time ago.”
She turned back to the fire, drawing her legs into a ball and resting her chin on her knees. “I wasn’t tired.” She shot him a glance as he sat down next to her. “You looked like you could use some more sleep.”
Yonghwa yawned. “I’m fine. I’ll take over, you get some sleep.”
Hyun started to stand up, but hesitated. “I, er, actually wanted to say something.”
He looked up curiously. “What is it?”
She avoided his eyes, preferring to poke a stick in the flames and watch the sparks that flew into the sky instead. “I, uh, I think I owe you an apology.” She mumbled.
Yonghwa was genuinely surprised. “You do?”
“You remember how we first met?”
He nodded nostalgically. “You hitched a ride in my cart.”
“What did you think of me then?”
“…Why do you need to know?”
“Just…just because.”
Yonghwa frowned slightly, his eyebrows furrowing. “I thought you were an impolite, irresponsible girl who probably wouldn’t amount to anything.”
She was silent for a few seconds, with only the steady droning of the crickets breaking up the silence.
“I’m sorry.”
“What do you need to be sorry for?”
“I think I’ve been too hard on you lately.”
“Too - ”
“I guess - I guess I was kind of an idiot, after all.”
Yonghwa looked surprised for a second before lapsing into acceptance. “I’m glad you realized it.”
If it had been any other time, she would’ve yelled an insult, but…
“I didn’t know.” She said apologetically.
“Didn’t know about what?”
“How I kept badgering you…how I didn’t stop nagging you, hurling insults at you just because I didn’t know everything about you.”
Yonghwa remained silent.
Seohyun took a breath. “I think I was angry because I was…I was starting to like someone that I didn’t even know.”
For Yonghwa, it was a night full of one surprise after another. “What?”
She turned to face him, and it was only then that he appreciated just how large, clear, and brown her eyes were. “I like you, Jung Yonghwa. And I’m sorry I treated you so badly. I won’t do that from now on…I promise.”
Her hands reached out to grab his and squeezed them tightly. As he returned the pressure, Yonghwa suddenly felt a large lump in his throat. “Thank you.”
Hyun released the hand. “You’re welcome.”
The silence descended between them again until Yonghwa started chuckling.
“What’s so funny?”
“Do you remember when I ran into you at the river?”
Hyun blushed furiously. “Don’t talk about it.”
“I remember everything. And you know…to be honest…the clothes didn’t cover a great deal.”
“So…you…saw…”
“Nothing important.” He winked.
She wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed, angry, or relieved, so she just coughed.
“What were you humming earlier?” Yonghwa sat up again to feed some more logs into the fire.
“Oh, that.” Hyun suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable. “It’s something that I was working on. Do you want to hear it?”
Yonghwa shrugged and leaned back, locking his hands together behind his head. “Sure.”
Hyun cleared her throat. “It’s not very good.”
“Your voice is always a pleasure to listen to. Go ahead.”
“Was that a compliment?”
He waved her off and closed his eyes.
Feeling distinctly self-conscious, she started humming the melody. It was a sorrowful piece, in a minor key that wove itself up and down, entwining itself around the chords and creating a smooth rhythm that seemed surreally angelic.
It was very, very good, she told herself with a touch of pride, as she let the last note hang there for a while before it disappeared along with the smoke from the campfire.
She looked at Yonghwa - his eyes were closed, and he was snoring quietly. She sighed to herself, resting her chin on her knees again. “Oh, well…”
Puffing out her cheeks, she whistled a single note into the air - it rang loud and clear, and trilled slightly until it, too, faded away into the darkness.
She looked at him again - he was drooling.
“Eurgh.” She scooted away from him. “That’s disgusting, Jung Yonghwa.”
His eyes fluttered open. Hyun actually gasped at his sudden revival. “Shit, you scared me.”
He blinked. “How…how do you…”
“How do I what?”
“My name.” He said cautiously. “You said my real name.”
“Oh, that.” Hyun smirked slightly. “Park Yonghwa? Really? Do you think you could’ve kept it a secret forever, what with Sooyoung around?” She pointed to the still-soundly-sleeping girl, who remained oblivious to their conversation.
Yonghwa sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I suppose you know about everything else.”
“Your house burnt down.” She said matter-of-factly.
“Yes, it did.”
“And then you started living by yourself.”
Yonghwa was glad she didn’t go into the details. “Yes, I did.”
Hyun smiled, satisfied. “I know everything about you now, so you won’t have to worry about any more badgering from me.”
Yonghwa realized that no, she didn’t know everything.
But he was damned if he was going to tell her - or anyone else in the world, for that matter - about it.
The baby was gone, and it was buried. It didn’t exist anymore.
He wasn’t sure whether or not he existed himself - or all of him, at any rate. In fact, he was pretty sure a part of himself was missing.
Hyun noticed the slightly melancholy look in his eyes. “Are you all right?”
Yonghwa jerked upright. “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”
She tutted. “You’re tired. Go to bed.”
He shook his head. “No, you should - ”
She shoved him aside. “I can still be a jackass when I want to be. Are you going to go to bed, or not?”
---
Two Years Ago
“Why??”
Yonghwa’s knees sank to the polished wooden floor as his father paced in front of him. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you have any - ”
“I do have self-respect, if that’s what you were asking.” He cut his son off as he was about to yell something else. “Now, you will support our wedding. As the son of a government official who, I can concede to say, is rising through the ranks, you will attend, you will show your fealty, you will - ”
“I won’t.”
“What?”
Yonghwa’s body trembled in rage as black spots danced in front of his eyes. “How can you just throw her away like this, how can you simply - toss - her aside like she was nothing to you??”
He felt himself being dragged upright. “She wasn’t nothing to me. She was everything - which is why I never forgave her. You should understand, of all people - ”
“I don’t understand.” Yonghwa wrested himself out of his grip. “I never did, and that’s the reason why I’m not going to this joke of a wedding with someone I don’t even know!”
His father took a step toward him. “Don’t you talk that way about your - ”
“She’s not my mother. She never will be.” Yonghwa said, before running out of the room.
---
Glossary
No glossary entries for today.
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Related Reading
The song I imagine Seohyun to be humming