(no subject)
Twice over the weekend, I was questioned, "What do you have to lose?"
The chinese fortune cookie shared with me said, "Dont submit just yet."
The weekends entire periphery, faded into an irrelevant blur.
The Central Park walk. The flowers in bloom. The kid and his dad catching a fish. The brunch off Columbus. The only cab ride Ive ever taken that I didnt wish would hurry up and end...
How did the "good" ever work its way into "goodbye?"
I walked home; close to two and a half miles. I have no idea how many people I crossed paths with. They may have well been ghosts. I dont recall hearing any words, or making any eye contact. 8 million souls in the city, and I didnt have an ounce of interest for the entire collective.
I stepped back into my building, finding I didnt have a door key; the same key I distinctly remembered grabbing on my way out that morning.
I called my Mom, knowing she had a spare, and that since she'd joined us earlier, was still out in the city. We met a little while later, sharing coffee in a park by Cooper Union.
She's intuitive, my Mom. Knowing it would have been easy to drop the key and be on her way, but she wanted to hear it from me, and so we talked; The events of the weekend and the emotions that had (re)surfaced.
"Tell her what youre feeling! Say what you think."
It took simple insight to remove the complication of the situation.
Why is it so hard to pick up the phone to talk to the person you most want to be around? That if you had five minutes left, that 10 times out of 10, youd pick them... and in this situation, the closer you get to the seventh digit, the bigger the swell of nausea gets?
"What do you have to lose?" It echoed through my head. Rather than becoming a distraction to what I needed to do, it lifted the delay of dialing the numbers.
"When you decide that where youre at, is not where you need to be, and when you decide that who youre with, isnt who youre supposed to be with... I would love to have you back."
And I meant it. It was the first time Id ever said something in that vein that I meant.
A few minutes later, I was off the phone. The apartment feeling impossibly and uncomfortably big, I started taking the contents out of my pockets and laying them on the table. Wallet. Cash. Keys. KEYS?!
Id had them the whole time. Funny how sometimes a seemingly minor inconvenience turns into a catalyst for a very necessary event.
And now, its one day at a time.
The chinese fortune cookie shared with me said, "Dont submit just yet."
The weekends entire periphery, faded into an irrelevant blur.
The Central Park walk. The flowers in bloom. The kid and his dad catching a fish. The brunch off Columbus. The only cab ride Ive ever taken that I didnt wish would hurry up and end...
How did the "good" ever work its way into "goodbye?"
I walked home; close to two and a half miles. I have no idea how many people I crossed paths with. They may have well been ghosts. I dont recall hearing any words, or making any eye contact. 8 million souls in the city, and I didnt have an ounce of interest for the entire collective.
I stepped back into my building, finding I didnt have a door key; the same key I distinctly remembered grabbing on my way out that morning.
I called my Mom, knowing she had a spare, and that since she'd joined us earlier, was still out in the city. We met a little while later, sharing coffee in a park by Cooper Union.
She's intuitive, my Mom. Knowing it would have been easy to drop the key and be on her way, but she wanted to hear it from me, and so we talked; The events of the weekend and the emotions that had (re)surfaced.
"Tell her what youre feeling! Say what you think."
It took simple insight to remove the complication of the situation.
Why is it so hard to pick up the phone to talk to the person you most want to be around? That if you had five minutes left, that 10 times out of 10, youd pick them... and in this situation, the closer you get to the seventh digit, the bigger the swell of nausea gets?
"What do you have to lose?" It echoed through my head. Rather than becoming a distraction to what I needed to do, it lifted the delay of dialing the numbers.
"When you decide that where youre at, is not where you need to be, and when you decide that who youre with, isnt who youre supposed to be with... I would love to have you back."
And I meant it. It was the first time Id ever said something in that vein that I meant.
A few minutes later, I was off the phone. The apartment feeling impossibly and uncomfortably big, I started taking the contents out of my pockets and laying them on the table. Wallet. Cash. Keys. KEYS?!
Id had them the whole time. Funny how sometimes a seemingly minor inconvenience turns into a catalyst for a very necessary event.
And now, its one day at a time.