shoebox full of shit
I thought for fun Id make someone up a nice myspace account; someone not so hip to the scene. Id dig up some old pictures, and patch it together. Link some old friends up to it, and when it looked legit, drop em a line, letting them know how much cooler theyd become.
But I got sidetracked. Story of my life, apparently. And the new fake myspace page just kinda fell by the way.
It started when I opened up the old e-dust collecting hotmail account. It doesnt see much action anymore, but for sentimental reasons, I keep it. I am, to erase any doubt, a completely sentimental fool. Doing what I did tonight really took me back. I dont have the stereotypical shoebox of old love letters. But Hotmail, for me, isnt far off.
The inbox was loaded up with @ufl.edu addresses and old livejournal correspondences. Theres occasional emails from friends of ex's that hadnt crossed my mind in years. It was fun reading through the things that filled up my day back then.
Remembering the things I used to look forward to. The places I knew Id be. The people I was so sure would be around. Never anticipating how far off I could be in such a short time.
Oh, and the 'short time' thing? Yeah... some of that stuff dates back almost 8 years. So maybe I should strike that last line.
I was living in Campus Club with 3 other lunatics, poking around town in a beat old Ford Ranger, showing my little brother the ropes of Gainesville. Making it to class when it wasnt too much of an inconvenience. Shaking 10 bucks out of the couch, knowing that I could stretch it into a decent meal and a cheap 12 pack. Underappreciating a girlfriend who Ive yet to replace. But thats my fault.* Dusting off hangovers. Avoiding the future. Taking ill-timed road trips. Just generally taking a dump on any kind of good decision making. Sharing it all with anyone who was willing to burn 5 minutes.
And look at me nowwwww...
I traded Shangri-la for NYC. Those 3 nuts, two are married. The other Im pretty sure is still in the closet. Ford trucks still get me where Im going.
Brian doesnt need me showing him shit anymore. But Im still delighted to keep him out in lower Manhattan until the sun comes up.
Still in school though. Difference now is that I look forward to it. Never could have seen that coming, but here I am.
I can still stretch a penny like a jew. Hard to beat $1.25 for a 22 ounce Ballantine Ale in a Bronx bodega before hopping the 4 train dowtown.
I set another good girl free. Because Im an idiot like that. I didnt plan on being 'that guy.' But I guess its not something you plan on. Just happens. And it just happened happen to me. Both my parents still keep her phone number. Thats kind of wierd.
I tend to avoid hangovers rather than drink through them these days. I decided I just wasnt all that into feeling like shit half the day.
The rest of the list though... we all know about old habits.
The whole original idea just blew up in my face I guess. I mean, thats why its almost 5am and Im up. Hafta get this stuff out of my head so itll leave me alone. Let me sleep.
I just wish I could have foreseen a version of me that would rather have spent a quiet weekend with one girl than loaded at Mardi Gras.
I wonder how I got so far off track that Im in New York and not Colorado.
I would have liked to have known back then that Id forget the strikes and eventually like baseball again.
Or despite previously-instantaneous nausea at the sight of blood, Id be wearing the Blue and Gold patch on my arm in Florida, only to follow it up with an EMS job in the Bronx.
Why the fuck did I spend that month in Maryland when I came back from the graduation Eurotrip instead of... moving.
And why, when my Dad has been so dead on about all the things he said were going to happen then, do I still hesitate to buy into what he says now. I was so sure he would be wrong about rarely seeing or even talking to the people I invested so much time in hanging out with, once we graduated. But he wasnt. I hate that. I know, we all have lives, and shit going on, and these big plans.
It just frustrates me that the day-to-day stuff breaks people down so well. That years can go by without so much as a phone call. The guy you used to shotgun beers with at 10am on saturday now has 'people.' The girl you used to know that danced on the bar, has a pair of kiddies. And the guy that got arrested for being drunk, face-down in the gutter, is now running a... rehab clinic.
So I bail. Scared to death of falling into the same storyline everyone else seems all too eager to be part of, I throw a bunch of shit into the back of a truck, and hit the road every time I start getting comfortable. The pen still follows. I dont know if its possible to outrun the story of whatever it is you might do. I suspect Im not done trying yet. I can thank my never-say-die personality for that. Maybe its a blessing. Maybe its just another cross to bear. Havent decided on that yet either.
All I can say for sure is that Ive had far more fun than the average bear up until now. I have my friends and my family to thank. As far as life experiences, Im definitely ahead of the game. Not quite Forrest Gump levels, but not far off. I just hope what happens next will give me the same chilly goose bumps and nostalgic feelings 8 years from now that UF, NPR and Orlando have done for me up to now.
But I got sidetracked. Story of my life, apparently. And the new fake myspace page just kinda fell by the way.
It started when I opened up the old e-dust collecting hotmail account. It doesnt see much action anymore, but for sentimental reasons, I keep it. I am, to erase any doubt, a completely sentimental fool. Doing what I did tonight really took me back. I dont have the stereotypical shoebox of old love letters. But Hotmail, for me, isnt far off.
The inbox was loaded up with @ufl.edu addresses and old livejournal correspondences. Theres occasional emails from friends of ex's that hadnt crossed my mind in years. It was fun reading through the things that filled up my day back then.
Remembering the things I used to look forward to. The places I knew Id be. The people I was so sure would be around. Never anticipating how far off I could be in such a short time.
Oh, and the 'short time' thing? Yeah... some of that stuff dates back almost 8 years. So maybe I should strike that last line.
I was living in Campus Club with 3 other lunatics, poking around town in a beat old Ford Ranger, showing my little brother the ropes of Gainesville. Making it to class when it wasnt too much of an inconvenience. Shaking 10 bucks out of the couch, knowing that I could stretch it into a decent meal and a cheap 12 pack. Underappreciating a girlfriend who Ive yet to replace. But thats my fault.* Dusting off hangovers. Avoiding the future. Taking ill-timed road trips. Just generally taking a dump on any kind of good decision making. Sharing it all with anyone who was willing to burn 5 minutes.
And look at me nowwwww...
I traded Shangri-la for NYC. Those 3 nuts, two are married. The other Im pretty sure is still in the closet. Ford trucks still get me where Im going.
Brian doesnt need me showing him shit anymore. But Im still delighted to keep him out in lower Manhattan until the sun comes up.
Still in school though. Difference now is that I look forward to it. Never could have seen that coming, but here I am.
I can still stretch a penny like a jew. Hard to beat $1.25 for a 22 ounce Ballantine Ale in a Bronx bodega before hopping the 4 train dowtown.
I set another good girl free. Because Im an idiot like that. I didnt plan on being 'that guy.' But I guess its not something you plan on. Just happens. And it just happened happen to me. Both my parents still keep her phone number. Thats kind of wierd.
I tend to avoid hangovers rather than drink through them these days. I decided I just wasnt all that into feeling like shit half the day.
The rest of the list though... we all know about old habits.
The whole original idea just blew up in my face I guess. I mean, thats why its almost 5am and Im up. Hafta get this stuff out of my head so itll leave me alone. Let me sleep.
I just wish I could have foreseen a version of me that would rather have spent a quiet weekend with one girl than loaded at Mardi Gras.
I wonder how I got so far off track that Im in New York and not Colorado.
I would have liked to have known back then that Id forget the strikes and eventually like baseball again.
Or despite previously-instantaneous nausea at the sight of blood, Id be wearing the Blue and Gold patch on my arm in Florida, only to follow it up with an EMS job in the Bronx.
Why the fuck did I spend that month in Maryland when I came back from the graduation Eurotrip instead of... moving.
And why, when my Dad has been so dead on about all the things he said were going to happen then, do I still hesitate to buy into what he says now. I was so sure he would be wrong about rarely seeing or even talking to the people I invested so much time in hanging out with, once we graduated. But he wasnt. I hate that. I know, we all have lives, and shit going on, and these big plans.
It just frustrates me that the day-to-day stuff breaks people down so well. That years can go by without so much as a phone call. The guy you used to shotgun beers with at 10am on saturday now has 'people.' The girl you used to know that danced on the bar, has a pair of kiddies. And the guy that got arrested for being drunk, face-down in the gutter, is now running a... rehab clinic.
So I bail. Scared to death of falling into the same storyline everyone else seems all too eager to be part of, I throw a bunch of shit into the back of a truck, and hit the road every time I start getting comfortable. The pen still follows. I dont know if its possible to outrun the story of whatever it is you might do. I suspect Im not done trying yet. I can thank my never-say-die personality for that. Maybe its a blessing. Maybe its just another cross to bear. Havent decided on that yet either.
All I can say for sure is that Ive had far more fun than the average bear up until now. I have my friends and my family to thank. As far as life experiences, Im definitely ahead of the game. Not quite Forrest Gump levels, but not far off. I just hope what happens next will give me the same chilly goose bumps and nostalgic feelings 8 years from now that UF, NPR and Orlando have done for me up to now.