i can't cope with death..
It started with snoring. I could tell he was getting old when he started snoring. It's kind of cute, yea? When they start snoring it seems so human. But snoring meant so many things and when he died in his sleep and I was blindsided by the news of such... I realized I should've known when he started snoring.
I have no idea how to cope with death and I know those I'll experience from this point on will only be harder for me. Every moment I spend here I want to cry, but I can't.. because I don't want them to see me sad when our time together is so brief. I'm in a whirlwind of avoidance. I haven't even smoked a cigarette, I'm so stagnant. It sunny in southern california, but I don't go outside. In the past year I realized my greatest fears and in this past month my fears have become quite the reality. But I never knew how to cope.
And so at night when I listen to her snoring, I don't find it funny. I realize that when I go back north and return to Berkeley, I'm probably going to be more exhausted than I was when I got here. I don't know how to cope with death.
I have no idea how to cope with death and I know those I'll experience from this point on will only be harder for me. Every moment I spend here I want to cry, but I can't.. because I don't want them to see me sad when our time together is so brief. I'm in a whirlwind of avoidance. I haven't even smoked a cigarette, I'm so stagnant. It sunny in southern california, but I don't go outside. In the past year I realized my greatest fears and in this past month my fears have become quite the reality. But I never knew how to cope.
And so at night when I listen to her snoring, I don't find it funny. I realize that when I go back north and return to Berkeley, I'm probably going to be more exhausted than I was when I got here. I don't know how to cope with death.