Long time no see.
i've come to the horrible realization that i HATE sleeping alone. Only because the dark thoughts always seem to come out. Especially when something has to do with a relationship.
Sweet chocolate christ. My drive to find relationships is rapidly depleting. If i wasn't such an affectionate creature i would just swear off them all together.
I'm not entirely positive how my guard gets demolished by people. I always seemed to get blind sided by someone and i become completely enamored with them. Then i get let down and i'm left crippled.
All i want is a relationship with a girl to be steady and on going until i'm ready to settle down. Not have a relationship be intense and just burn more intensely at the end.
Kadie told me that i was it for her. That she wanted me to be the person at her side for the rest of her life. Then completely ditch me and not tell me why. Or whether or not we're done or she needs space? I've been pushing communication with her, but she seems to disregard anything i throw at her. And i really don't want to force her into a situation that she HAS to talk to me. Because i could easily walk into her office and close the door and start talking to her. That's not how i want things to go down. But at the rate that things are going, and the way i feel so anxious all the time is getting to me. I barely eat and i can't focus on a god damn thing. It looks like i will have to force this on her. I have to fucking know what's going on. I just want to know what the fuck happened and just wanna know if i should even consider us a couple or not. I just want to have some fucking answers and closure if it comes to it.
It's astounding on how cowardly a person can be. Kadie is one of the most hard headed, proud, and most strong woman i have ever met. But she has taken the same cowardly way out for her ex and myself. I really should have seen this coming. I just think i was being used as i usually am. Blindsided again once more.
Is it really that difficult to get some positive feedback from the universe? I usually try to do my best to put positive energy into the universe and seem to get negative results.
I can already feel myself going back into a hole for another year or something. Just call me the neighborhood hermit.
Sweet chocolate christ. My drive to find relationships is rapidly depleting. If i wasn't such an affectionate creature i would just swear off them all together.
I'm not entirely positive how my guard gets demolished by people. I always seemed to get blind sided by someone and i become completely enamored with them. Then i get let down and i'm left crippled.
All i want is a relationship with a girl to be steady and on going until i'm ready to settle down. Not have a relationship be intense and just burn more intensely at the end.
Kadie told me that i was it for her. That she wanted me to be the person at her side for the rest of her life. Then completely ditch me and not tell me why. Or whether or not we're done or she needs space? I've been pushing communication with her, but she seems to disregard anything i throw at her. And i really don't want to force her into a situation that she HAS to talk to me. Because i could easily walk into her office and close the door and start talking to her. That's not how i want things to go down. But at the rate that things are going, and the way i feel so anxious all the time is getting to me. I barely eat and i can't focus on a god damn thing. It looks like i will have to force this on her. I have to fucking know what's going on. I just want to know what the fuck happened and just wanna know if i should even consider us a couple or not. I just want to have some fucking answers and closure if it comes to it.
It's astounding on how cowardly a person can be. Kadie is one of the most hard headed, proud, and most strong woman i have ever met. But she has taken the same cowardly way out for her ex and myself. I really should have seen this coming. I just think i was being used as i usually am. Blindsided again once more.
Is it really that difficult to get some positive feedback from the universe? I usually try to do my best to put positive energy into the universe and seem to get negative results.
I can already feel myself going back into a hole for another year or something. Just call me the neighborhood hermit.