[ShigeMassu fanfic] Always There
Boy do I suck at writing... Got a sudden craving for ShigeMassu though; they're a nebulous, comforting concept at the back of my mind, I needed to at least give it a try.
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He likes to keep things simple. Appreciates originality and is up to experiments only as long as it doesn't overcomplicate his life. Bold designs, trying new things, meeting new people, that's all good. Exciting. When Massu wants company or stress relief or pure pleasure, he knows how to find that and with whom. As for thinking too much about what-ifs... Only when it has to do with work and promises to become a nudge forward, thank you.
The one thing that sometimes nags at him - really nags at him, unlike various inconveniences, processed memories and resolvable frustrations, - is also quite simple.
"Shige, what d'you think?"
Shige, sleep-deprived yet sharp-minded as ever, gives a short hum of agreement. "Sounds good. Makes for a smoother transition."
Just an hour before that Massu got a couple of compliments from the costume department staff. It felt good. It felt nothing like Shige's casual approval.
Sure, they do have a pretty strong bond. They have the filming of Kimpachi-sensei and their Junior years to look back on; they share a birthday month, and some favorites when it comes to food and drinks and clothing brands and beauty products. They're in the same group, for crying out loud. Massu's creative ideas are easier to nurture with Shige around, he laughs at Massu's jokes (or rather, at how silly he is), lets Massu tease him. Still, not enough.
At one point, during an after-after-party in Koyama's hotel room, in a bout of rare, drunken openness Massu mentioned that he, too, is attracted to both girls and guys. He couldn't resist the urge to expand a limited list of things they know they have in common. Koyama half-jokingly whined about feeling left out, which earned him a sloppy consolatory smooch from Tegoshi, and it was a good night overall. Still, not enough.
His crush being reciprocated is beyond the realm of reason, and most of the time Massu is happy with the fact that Shige makes him happy. Still, the nagging has persisted through the years, too.
"I want it to be special."
"Yeah. I think it's going to be good, it's all coming together. Have they sorted out that issue with penlights?"
...The three of them get high on live concert energy, then comes a satisfying exhaustion. The uncomfortable nagging should be gone for the next few months. He can dive into the music, the choreography, the unity. When he messes up a line, he gets jokingly scolded. They talk nonsense, goof around together. While they are on tour, Massu loves Shige as much as he loves Koyama, and every Junior, and the staff, and of course, their amazing fans. They are all glowing. This is the best.
After the second-to-final live, as Massu comes back to the hotel, he bumps into Shige, who is getting a candy bar out of the vending machine.
"I'm telling your trainer", Massu says, more reflex than conscious effort. He is tipsy, and warm all over.
"Don't care, I'm hungry."
Shige shuffles toward the elevator. Massu follows, trying and failing not to ogle.
Black sweatpants, black t-shirt, white sandals. Messy hair. Bags under his eyes, long eyelashes. That familiar slump of shoulders. Those collarbones, and a sprinkle of tiny dark freckles that ask to be called constellations. Very close. Very.
All of a sudden, Massu feels his own face crumple.
Shit. It’s been going so well! Why now?
Shige glances at him and seems... thankfully, not put-off, just worried. "Do you... wanna go get some sleep or hang out for a bit?"
"Hang out a bit", he pushes out of his constricted throat.
Shige's room is closest to the elevator. He lets Massu in, voicing another set of options: "Water? Booze?"
"Water. Thanks."
Massu plops down on the floor by the bed. This is a mess anyway, why not make it more pathetic by sticking around instead of laughing it off as a post-live crash and leaving. He knows his worth, he really does, but at this moment the invisible line is making his chest ache. Tears tickle his cheeks.
He gulps down some of the offered water, takes a deep breath.
"Alright?"
He finally meets Shige's eyes.
"Can I get a hug?"
An echo of what Shige said at Chichibunomiya all those years ago, except the circumstances are painfully different, and this time around Massu is the one who needs to be caught and supported.
Shige is as soft as back then, despite having more toned muscles by now. Incredibly soft. It takes all of Massu’s willpower to let go.
"Shit. Sorry."
He dabs the wetness off with a sleeve of his hoodie. The worry on Shige's face is paired up with fond amusement, and it makes Massu want to cry some more, or maybe screw things up further by attempting to kiss him.
"Don't get to see you like this often. Somehow... feels special?"
The sharp ache in Massu's chest retreats, accepting defeat. He likes to keep things simple, and Shige is, indeed, very close.
"Shut up. Where's that candy bar you just got?"
Shige laughs and proceeds to share his unhealthy snack with Massu, devouring the other almost-half in a most inelegant manner.
"I like (you)."
"Good, isn't it? I like these too, not too sweet."
"I like Shige", he clarifies.
Shige chuckles again.
How many times have they done this bit? Is this the first time when fans don't get to hear them? Massu doesn't give a hoot, he'll say it as many times as he can get away with, and will receive that reply, not equal maybe - but sincere enough.
"D'you like me?"
"I like you, I like you. How much did you have to drink?"