that's not to say...
It's a temporary liberation, but it's more than enough for now. I love you 1T35, I do. (:
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Sometimes it's more than just an indication of how comfortable you are with a person. When you expose yourself to someone: all your flaws and your insecurities, you're placing in him or her a kind of immeasurable, inexplicable trust. You trust you haven't made the wrong choice allowing the cracks to surface, and you trust the person will say what's right to assuage your doubts and at the same time, prevent you from crumbling. For me it has never been a matter of worrying about loose lips or sympathy (but then again sometimes even those you expect to keep up fall short of this), rather... how many people can claim not to judge you seeing you at your most vulnerable? To open up to someone and see the disappointment or hesitance or wariness etched right there; I think that cuts deeper than just plain indifference.
Which is why I can't force things out sometimes. No matter how hard I try, I worry. I worry about being judged, I worry about changed perceptions, I worry about being slighted, I worry about losing. I wish... I could be a bit more brazen and shameless sometimes. That sounds patronising, but I'm not trying to be, because honestly I envy people who slip through situations (that would otherwise stump me) with such ease. As for you... maybe it's a matter of caring too much? You could always interpret it both ways, the more unpleasant one being an undeniable lack of understanding. I don't want to admit it, but it's true. It can only be true. Is disappointment in a person ever justified?
Time does nothing to efface. I realised this recently, and all it does is to thicken the dread pooling.
-
Sometimes it's more than just an indication of how comfortable you are with a person. When you expose yourself to someone: all your flaws and your insecurities, you're placing in him or her a kind of immeasurable, inexplicable trust. You trust you haven't made the wrong choice allowing the cracks to surface, and you trust the person will say what's right to assuage your doubts and at the same time, prevent you from crumbling. For me it has never been a matter of worrying about loose lips or sympathy (but then again sometimes even those you expect to keep up fall short of this), rather... how many people can claim not to judge you seeing you at your most vulnerable? To open up to someone and see the disappointment or hesitance or wariness etched right there; I think that cuts deeper than just plain indifference.
Which is why I can't force things out sometimes. No matter how hard I try, I worry. I worry about being judged, I worry about changed perceptions, I worry about being slighted, I worry about losing. I wish... I could be a bit more brazen and shameless sometimes. That sounds patronising, but I'm not trying to be, because honestly I envy people who slip through situations (that would otherwise stump me) with such ease. As for you... maybe it's a matter of caring too much? You could always interpret it both ways, the more unpleasant one being an undeniable lack of understanding. I don't want to admit it, but it's true. It can only be true. Is disappointment in a person ever justified?
Time does nothing to efface. I realised this recently, and all it does is to thicken the dread pooling.