Wow its been a rough week...so...
[but this is not a why me thing...just thoughts]
Alot of people have goals in live or thing this wish they could do or wanted to do or have done. I never did, I never cared what I wanted to be when I grew up, heh still don't, I just wanted to get a good job, a good woman, make some kids and live happily every after. Well I have worked just about every job catagory there is( food service, retail, property management, renting moving trucks, bicycle mechanic, bicycle builder, motorcycle mechanic, automotive mechanic, s&r manager, restaurant manager, banker, acuntant, gas station attendant, custodian, mutual fund agent, photographer, and construction...all that I can thingk of) and I droped out of high school and got a G.E.D. I have no desire to go around the world, or anywhere else for that matter, heck I dont even care whats on tv. I have no goals in live. I have no reason to go to work other than to pay rent, but I can live out of my truck or even at my mothers. So why go to work, because its something to do. Thats why I do it 7 days a week when I can. I'm going to be 27. I have a nice truck, a nice bike and a nice race bike. I also have a broken down car and two broken down bikes. I have my own appartment, fully furnished with two tvs and a king size bed. I'm a nice guy that treats women nice, is good to my friends and family... if I was a religious man I would probly make it to heaven. I'm a decent looking guiy, no problem with women being attracted to me. Yet after ten years of dating more women than I can rememeber I am still single and have come to the conclusion that I will never get married or have kids. Any attemt to open myself up to a women will just lead to another 3 month relationship along with drama and pain and suffering. So with that conclusion, the only goal I did have growing up is gone. So what now? Why exist? Why even try? I'm not sure if I've just lost my appatite or my will to live. Not that I'm going to kill myselt that dumb.... but if I was in charge of my beating hart. I would tell it to stop, no use continuting... I dont care... thus why I made this so long...only anyone who cares will actually read anything this long. But what life has taught me is when you do fall in love with someone, you will do anything to be with them. As it stands today, I'm not moving any where, not las vegas, new mexico or even in a house here. If my life continues down this road that this week has brung I will need the frineds and family that helped me thru this week to make it into next year.Thank you for all your help. Most of you reading this have know me for a very long time, yet have never seen my cry or ever expected to...well shit, I have had the emotional equivalant of being punched in the stomack and kick in the balls... and today slaped in the face. someihting like that. point is... I have been cring for um....3 hours and its not stoping. I always say there is no point of crying... well shit...cant seem to help it. I'm like a girl on the rag that just saw a pupply comercial. I dont know, I work like a mexican at work and i'm told i'm not motivated, summer fling tries to make all my friends hate me and long time love is like eh, not interested in ya now... try again later... but if I see somthing better tugh luck. My heart has been bruised and bleeding but still beating...but this week it got kick, steped on and salt poured on it.
hmm... is it possible to be dead and yet still have a heart beat? thats how I'm feeling right now.
I'm done... DO NOT CALL ME... I NEED SOME TIME ALONE!
don't like my spelling? let me punch you in the face untill your eyes are wattering and see how well you spell when your pissed, hurting and cant hardly see!
Alot of people have goals in live or thing this wish they could do or wanted to do or have done. I never did, I never cared what I wanted to be when I grew up, heh still don't, I just wanted to get a good job, a good woman, make some kids and live happily every after. Well I have worked just about every job catagory there is( food service, retail, property management, renting moving trucks, bicycle mechanic, bicycle builder, motorcycle mechanic, automotive mechanic, s&r manager, restaurant manager, banker, acuntant, gas station attendant, custodian, mutual fund agent, photographer, and construction...all that I can thingk of) and I droped out of high school and got a G.E.D. I have no desire to go around the world, or anywhere else for that matter, heck I dont even care whats on tv. I have no goals in live. I have no reason to go to work other than to pay rent, but I can live out of my truck or even at my mothers. So why go to work, because its something to do. Thats why I do it 7 days a week when I can. I'm going to be 27. I have a nice truck, a nice bike and a nice race bike. I also have a broken down car and two broken down bikes. I have my own appartment, fully furnished with two tvs and a king size bed. I'm a nice guy that treats women nice, is good to my friends and family... if I was a religious man I would probly make it to heaven. I'm a decent looking guiy, no problem with women being attracted to me. Yet after ten years of dating more women than I can rememeber I am still single and have come to the conclusion that I will never get married or have kids. Any attemt to open myself up to a women will just lead to another 3 month relationship along with drama and pain and suffering. So with that conclusion, the only goal I did have growing up is gone. So what now? Why exist? Why even try? I'm not sure if I've just lost my appatite or my will to live. Not that I'm going to kill myselt that dumb.... but if I was in charge of my beating hart. I would tell it to stop, no use continuting... I dont care... thus why I made this so long...only anyone who cares will actually read anything this long. But what life has taught me is when you do fall in love with someone, you will do anything to be with them. As it stands today, I'm not moving any where, not las vegas, new mexico or even in a house here. If my life continues down this road that this week has brung I will need the frineds and family that helped me thru this week to make it into next year.Thank you for all your help. Most of you reading this have know me for a very long time, yet have never seen my cry or ever expected to...well shit, I have had the emotional equivalant of being punched in the stomack and kick in the balls... and today slaped in the face. someihting like that. point is... I have been cring for um....3 hours and its not stoping. I always say there is no point of crying... well shit...cant seem to help it. I'm like a girl on the rag that just saw a pupply comercial. I dont know, I work like a mexican at work and i'm told i'm not motivated, summer fling tries to make all my friends hate me and long time love is like eh, not interested in ya now... try again later... but if I see somthing better tugh luck. My heart has been bruised and bleeding but still beating...but this week it got kick, steped on and salt poured on it.
hmm... is it possible to be dead and yet still have a heart beat? thats how I'm feeling right now.
I'm done... DO NOT CALL ME... I NEED SOME TIME ALONE!
don't like my spelling? let me punch you in the face untill your eyes are wattering and see how well you spell when your pissed, hurting and cant hardly see!