(no subject)
Sometimes I am stricken with this overwelming depression and hate for myself as well as my life. Sometimes it's easy to pass it on, and sometimes it just will not leave me and I cannot get it out of my head. My body starts to hurt and I get shifty. I think about 10 wonderful things a second and it still will not leave. Then I want a drink. When I do have a drink (which always lead to at least a few) this feeling is gone. Not even guilt is left in me. During my binge I never let this out, but I never slept until I passed out, and if I didn't pass out, I wouldn't sleep, so I just kept drinking and smoking until I couldn't see or function in the slightest way. Good times.