School sucks.
School sucks, but that isn't a surprise. I don't know, I never thought that I wouldn't like Urban. But 1/5 of the school seems to be close-minded and disrespectful as well as rascist. They don't target me personally, but every conversation seems to come back to race and that "It's always the white people, it's always their fault" don't generalize! I've asked to change my project group class, with valid reasoning, that I cannot tolerate stupidity and racism. But my principle tells me that I'm going to meet and I'm going to have to deal with people like this all my life, and that if I don't learn how to do it now, then I never will. He's right, I realize, but it still sucks.
I know in class I always make a valid point, enough people agree with me, and the teachers thank me after class to get the class flowing and moving and getting the new kids to talk as well. Teachers know me to be supportive of everyone, at urban you're to attack someone's ideas but to never personally attack someone. I'm not too sure that everyone's following the given rules, maybe I'm too sensitive, but I leave class feeling stupid and beaten. The thing I hate the most is when I'm talking, and two people who prefer not to be in school, are high and stoned throughout the school day, and cannot go one day without lighting up have the nerve to laugh at me when I stand up to speak. I say something that doesn't make sense to them, maybe I threw in a few too big words that their burnt out brains can't process, and they just laugh with each other and they don't even whisper they say what they think and think what they say out loud. I snapped the other day, we were having a class debate about the 2nd avenue T line, that the MTA is proposing. I opposed it, and they just sit there and laugh, and then everyone else starts talking, either from the new kids with gasps and squirms and everything they were planning on saying seems to not be important to them anymore, or from not-so-new kids who respond in a number or various ways. First off, I was very disappointed with the way this was run, because there were supposed to be two "commissioners" (students) to run this debate. Well they didn't care about what was going on, and obviously were a wrong choice. But like I said, I snapped. I screamed "What the fuck is so funny, MA-IA? I'm sorry but I may be mistaken, you're talking and I'm talking, yet I'm the one who seems to be standing, so please shut up and keep your obnoxious comments to yourself" they laughed even harder, and the rest of the class just got really quiet, while both teachers were like "ok..." Unfortunately, Urban teachers don't hold very much power over their students, and although a student's respect reflects in their grade later on, they ultimately don't care and then bitch about it if they do somewhat. But yeah, they laughed even harder, looked at each other, then Maia, looked back at me and I must have given he the nastiest sneer that I could muster up. Seriously, the nerve.
That same day, I got into a fight, with a boy, named Jazz. Serious asshole, and he obviously doesn't give two shakes of a rats ass about school considering that if he does shape up and magically graduate this spring, he'll already be twenty. Sad, right? Well he said something very rude and vulgar along the lines like "well your mother didn't complain when I fucked her in ass last night" and I punched him, in the arm, a little harder than playfully but not as hard to hurt, just because I can't. Well he grabbed my wrists and did some wierd leg thing that got me head and back first on the floor, and then he sits on top of me. I have a very painful bruise on my forearm, and it's so wierd because you can see that it's bruised but it's like under the skin, it's really wierd and doesn't look normal. He must of been on top of me for like 2 minutes, no one really understood what was going on and just things happen, although no one was really there (thank goodness). It wasn't even so much that it hurt, but it hurt my ego, and above all it was extremely humiliating. I felt like I was in the perfect position to be sexaully assualted, it was extremely humiliating. He got off of me and went out to have a cigarette, and I just couldn't get up, this boy Siyaka, helped me up and I went downstairs after him, and then I grabbed his wrists and he looked at me and he was like "you need to stop this, everytime I say something you retaliate and it makes me snap, can't we just be the way we were this time last year?" It was even more humiliating. And then after school he wanted to call a truce, not even so much as an apology, but I called him out on everything like that he was a waste of my time and that he could never be a friend, he was too much of a woman. And I said it right in front of this girl that he's been targeting. And she thought it was harsh, but then I explained everything and she was like "Oh my god! What an asshole!" So yeah, my days haven't been so great. And on top of all of that, Josh will call or I'll call Josh and he asks me how my day is and I just vent and I freak and occassionally I cry. And I hate that, because he has enough to deal with and I don't think I'm making his load any easier. And I want to be the one who's fixing problems and not bitching about things. Like he's in college and I'm in high school, who's having a more difficult time? Duh, Josh. His work is harder, classes are longer, he's not at home, he has to make new friends, yeah that was a no brainer.
And I have a ton of homework, for a project group that revolves around Playgrounds.
I know in class I always make a valid point, enough people agree with me, and the teachers thank me after class to get the class flowing and moving and getting the new kids to talk as well. Teachers know me to be supportive of everyone, at urban you're to attack someone's ideas but to never personally attack someone. I'm not too sure that everyone's following the given rules, maybe I'm too sensitive, but I leave class feeling stupid and beaten. The thing I hate the most is when I'm talking, and two people who prefer not to be in school, are high and stoned throughout the school day, and cannot go one day without lighting up have the nerve to laugh at me when I stand up to speak. I say something that doesn't make sense to them, maybe I threw in a few too big words that their burnt out brains can't process, and they just laugh with each other and they don't even whisper they say what they think and think what they say out loud. I snapped the other day, we were having a class debate about the 2nd avenue T line, that the MTA is proposing. I opposed it, and they just sit there and laugh, and then everyone else starts talking, either from the new kids with gasps and squirms and everything they were planning on saying seems to not be important to them anymore, or from not-so-new kids who respond in a number or various ways. First off, I was very disappointed with the way this was run, because there were supposed to be two "commissioners" (students) to run this debate. Well they didn't care about what was going on, and obviously were a wrong choice. But like I said, I snapped. I screamed "What the fuck is so funny, MA-IA? I'm sorry but I may be mistaken, you're talking and I'm talking, yet I'm the one who seems to be standing, so please shut up and keep your obnoxious comments to yourself" they laughed even harder, and the rest of the class just got really quiet, while both teachers were like "ok..." Unfortunately, Urban teachers don't hold very much power over their students, and although a student's respect reflects in their grade later on, they ultimately don't care and then bitch about it if they do somewhat. But yeah, they laughed even harder, looked at each other, then Maia, looked back at me and I must have given he the nastiest sneer that I could muster up. Seriously, the nerve.
That same day, I got into a fight, with a boy, named Jazz. Serious asshole, and he obviously doesn't give two shakes of a rats ass about school considering that if he does shape up and magically graduate this spring, he'll already be twenty. Sad, right? Well he said something very rude and vulgar along the lines like "well your mother didn't complain when I fucked her in ass last night" and I punched him, in the arm, a little harder than playfully but not as hard to hurt, just because I can't. Well he grabbed my wrists and did some wierd leg thing that got me head and back first on the floor, and then he sits on top of me. I have a very painful bruise on my forearm, and it's so wierd because you can see that it's bruised but it's like under the skin, it's really wierd and doesn't look normal. He must of been on top of me for like 2 minutes, no one really understood what was going on and just things happen, although no one was really there (thank goodness). It wasn't even so much that it hurt, but it hurt my ego, and above all it was extremely humiliating. I felt like I was in the perfect position to be sexaully assualted, it was extremely humiliating. He got off of me and went out to have a cigarette, and I just couldn't get up, this boy Siyaka, helped me up and I went downstairs after him, and then I grabbed his wrists and he looked at me and he was like "you need to stop this, everytime I say something you retaliate and it makes me snap, can't we just be the way we were this time last year?" It was even more humiliating. And then after school he wanted to call a truce, not even so much as an apology, but I called him out on everything like that he was a waste of my time and that he could never be a friend, he was too much of a woman. And I said it right in front of this girl that he's been targeting. And she thought it was harsh, but then I explained everything and she was like "Oh my god! What an asshole!" So yeah, my days haven't been so great. And on top of all of that, Josh will call or I'll call Josh and he asks me how my day is and I just vent and I freak and occassionally I cry. And I hate that, because he has enough to deal with and I don't think I'm making his load any easier. And I want to be the one who's fixing problems and not bitching about things. Like he's in college and I'm in high school, who's having a more difficult time? Duh, Josh. His work is harder, classes are longer, he's not at home, he has to make new friends, yeah that was a no brainer.
And I have a ton of homework, for a project group that revolves around Playgrounds.