the next time i'm looking
I was reminiscing a bit today. Fall does that to me. While everyone else is complaining that it's getting cold, I'm falling in love. The cool weather, the fall festival, the leaves all over the ground, that intoxicating smell, it just puts me in a great mood and takes me completely out of the mood for any kind of productivity.
I still haven't "recovered" from the summer. I've had some pretty terrible things happen to me and to the people I care about over the last month or two, but so far they haven't been enough to really bring me down from the high that the best summer of my life put me on.
It was on my way to school this morning that I started thinking. I found out this weekend that my ex-girlfriend is pregnant. I'm sure at a different place than I was when I was with her. I've learned a lot since I moved to Terre Haute. Maybe I'm finally growing up; maybe I've finally had enough experiences to feel like I've really learned something about relationships. The next time I'm looking for a girl, I won't be looking for the same things I used to. I've had a few relationships of various types since I started college. There were some good and some bad, but I don't regret a single one. I think the biggest thing experience has taught me is that the things I used to want aren't what's important at all. I've had the most beautiful girl I've ever known; I've had the popular girl; I've had the trophy girl; I've had the "talented" girl; I've had the girl that's completely crazy about me; all these things I always thought would be fun. I've had bad things too. I've had the psycho girl; I've been hurt; I've hurt someone else; I've played the game, and I've been played; I've experienced one-sided love from both ends; all the things I always tried to avoid. As I've seen, a lot of those good things aren't so good, and some of those bad things aren't so bad.
I've learned how to open up to new things. Once I discovered how much fun someone can be despite the fact that she doesn't look or act anything like the kind of girl I've always been attracted to, I find that the girls I used to idolize aren't so intimidating anymore. I finally see that they're just normal people. Not only am I not afraid to talk to the gorgeous girl that eats lunch at the same time I do, but I no longer particularly feel like it. Beautiful women no longer have an advantage over average women for me, and they no longer have the power they used to. I think that point is a lot harder for most guys to reach than even they realize. I don't think most of my friends have gotten there. Maybe they never will. One of the ones I expected to be the closest told me on our way back from the concert last week that he still can't talk to that kind of girl. At least he can talk to the regular ones. It was clear from that night that most of the guys that we were there with couldn't even do that. I feel sorry for the girls because of this. I think they're missing out on the best guys.
I don't know if this entry was ever meant to have a point. It's turning into something quite long, so I think it's time to cut it off.
I still haven't "recovered" from the summer. I've had some pretty terrible things happen to me and to the people I care about over the last month or two, but so far they haven't been enough to really bring me down from the high that the best summer of my life put me on.
It was on my way to school this morning that I started thinking. I found out this weekend that my ex-girlfriend is pregnant. I'm sure at a different place than I was when I was with her. I've learned a lot since I moved to Terre Haute. Maybe I'm finally growing up; maybe I've finally had enough experiences to feel like I've really learned something about relationships. The next time I'm looking for a girl, I won't be looking for the same things I used to. I've had a few relationships of various types since I started college. There were some good and some bad, but I don't regret a single one. I think the biggest thing experience has taught me is that the things I used to want aren't what's important at all. I've had the most beautiful girl I've ever known; I've had the popular girl; I've had the trophy girl; I've had the "talented" girl; I've had the girl that's completely crazy about me; all these things I always thought would be fun. I've had bad things too. I've had the psycho girl; I've been hurt; I've hurt someone else; I've played the game, and I've been played; I've experienced one-sided love from both ends; all the things I always tried to avoid. As I've seen, a lot of those good things aren't so good, and some of those bad things aren't so bad.
I've learned how to open up to new things. Once I discovered how much fun someone can be despite the fact that she doesn't look or act anything like the kind of girl I've always been attracted to, I find that the girls I used to idolize aren't so intimidating anymore. I finally see that they're just normal people. Not only am I not afraid to talk to the gorgeous girl that eats lunch at the same time I do, but I no longer particularly feel like it. Beautiful women no longer have an advantage over average women for me, and they no longer have the power they used to. I think that point is a lot harder for most guys to reach than even they realize. I don't think most of my friends have gotten there. Maybe they never will. One of the ones I expected to be the closest told me on our way back from the concert last week that he still can't talk to that kind of girl. At least he can talk to the regular ones. It was clear from that night that most of the guys that we were there with couldn't even do that. I feel sorry for the girls because of this. I think they're missing out on the best guys.
I don't know if this entry was ever meant to have a point. It's turning into something quite long, so I think it's time to cut it off.