what few should say, yet everyone does.
tonights drunken rant is on a subject that is sore for many and unimportant to many more. the subject is love, which, to me, is the , most evil things you can say to a person. women kill them selves for it(as do men), men wage wars for it, yet know one today can truly grasp what love truly means. in no way does this mean that i know, yet i know more than i should. now a days " i love you is thrown around with the same weight as "i need to go grocery shopping". while both are important, only one sentence can bring you to your knees in a few syllables. i'm just as guikty as the next, but i try to use it only when i truly mean it, and i do, just not in the way some would wish. my heart, unfortunately, is devoted to a most evil woman. yet she is also quite in the dark. she has know idea what power she has control of, she treats it as it was nothing. she calls and says she loves me, but has no true concept of the world. she says "i love you" as you would say hello. the reason it's maddening is two fold, one, it's one sided. secondly she turns me into what i hated about most of my ex's. i lose my personality, i lose my power to make a decisions, i'll do things i despise for the simple fact i can't say no. for this i despise her. for this i want her out of my head. for this she is the most evil person i can think of. i guess a taste of my own medicine is deserving. i have yet to say the cursed 3 words when i don't mean them. many other things i have said even though they were blatent lies, but love is something that is sacred to me and should be to a lot more. but why isn't it? why can so many toss those three words around like a childs toy. why do so few hold it in high reguards? as bitter as it makes me feel sometimes, i would give anything to let it consume me with reckloss abandon, let it take complete and total control. i left a state to find it, atleast get away from what wasn't. yet i still feel empty. i got away from the hole but it has fast legs and caught up. now i'm away from all my frinds (almost), i still can't get this evil bitch out of my heart, and i can't be with someone when my heart is with another. what do i do now? how do i stop loving one so i can fall in love with another? how do i stop letting these words that mean nothing to her stop meaning the world to me. that's it for my drunken rant. i know most of the time my drunken rants focus on things around me, but i'm trying to look a little deeper into myself. maybe this isn't the forum that this should be discussed, but i don't wkno what else to do. and as always, my heart is upon my sleeve for all to see. i just don't know what to do anymore, i'm tired of losing great women on the off chance i might not b e insane and that she loves me. how do you stop loving someone. how do you move on from a painful part of your life onto a more pleasant one. for once i have no clue, random and thoughtless or not