I have seen peace I have seen pain resting on the shoulders of your name.

[motita]

 I am trying to better myself. Trying to enjoy life more do things as I please. I miss my friend... when i have something i want to tell her i look at my phone book and pass up her name... hold 7 on my speed dial. Friday at Dannys graduation party her parents and brother where there... i missed her so much... on wensday i had talked to her mom and I told her i havent been to the cementary.. i just cant do it.. she said Gladys you have to go visit my chiquita... you cant leave her alone now..  I know she is right,
 I am scared I am still in Denial and thats why i cant go...
  I am scared of what will occur when/if I go...
    So much is going on and shes not around! It makes me angry that  I am still alive and shes not..
  yesterday i went for a walk with gus... for a while i was in my own world... thinking of how much that would have meant to ixchel... how fun she would have made it just by her great presence... I need her to hug me and tell me its okay.. tell me not to cry anymore and be strong for her.

Everyone tells me it will get worse for a while... i cant imagine it . I am crying right now and im suprised because for the past three weeks no tear has come out of me. I am drained, exhausted, angry, sad, enraged!! 
   












I love you butt head! this pictures right above are just from last summer... not even a year ago...