(no subject)
It seems to me that all my friends have something that they're really good at. Sam with her music, Kat with her drawing, so on and so forth. I feel like I'm stuck being okay at a lot of things. It's annoying. I like writing, but I'm not that good. I like drawing, but I'm not that good. Sometimes it seems that the only thing I am exceptionally good at is making a fool of myself. Which with my luck I'm doing right now but simply writing this entry. But, alas, it's being written and I truely don't care if I do make an ass out of myself.
Also, I'm clumsy, it's annoying I know that I joke about it with everyone, but it's still do damn annoying. I feel as if my arms are shorter than they are and I try to compensate for that only to find out that I didn't need to compensate. O.< Life sucks.
In other news, went to a party at the Joshie's house, had much fun. Meet new people *waves to new peoples* Not that I really talked to anyone. Sometimes I just feel so out of place. It seems to me that almost everyone I know has some sort of plan for the future, or at the very least someone to turn to when things get to them. I can talk with the Pika-butt, but she's got her own problems to deal with, she doesn't need mine. And I guess I'm just do used to listening to people, that I'm, oh i dunno, afraid? I tend to dismiss my problems, just smiling and nodded, telling everyone, including myself, that everythings fine, and then making myself forget. Then suddenly it all comes back, like 'WHAM'. Then I end up fighting with my own sub-conscious. I think things out and a start to feel better. And then everything crumbles, the whole depression bit? Oh thats just an excuse. When I truely know it isn't. I wave off the heaviness that's been weighing my soul as an excuse for me to be lazy. And sometimes I wonder.
Time Changes
It's kind of odd how time changes things. I used to be extremely shy, I'm not so bad anymore. I have my moments, typically around people I don't know that I rather like and want to get to know, but of course do to the fact that I have these bouts of shyness I rarely get to know. I also used to skirt around alot of subjects that might make other people uncomfortable. I used to change who I was to make others more comfortable. I used to hide my beliefs. But over the years I've gotten more blunt. I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore, and look at this, I'm not doing that! I don't hide who I am, at least not as often XD. And now I'm sounding kinda silly.
Over-all I feel as if I've accomplished very little in my life. Sometimes I feel as if these last damn-near 19 years of life should have gone to someone far more deserving.
Perhaps to someone who wasn't such a waste of space.
Also, I'm clumsy, it's annoying I know that I joke about it with everyone, but it's still do damn annoying. I feel as if my arms are shorter than they are and I try to compensate for that only to find out that I didn't need to compensate. O.< Life sucks.
In other news, went to a party at the Joshie's house, had much fun. Meet new people *waves to new peoples* Not that I really talked to anyone. Sometimes I just feel so out of place. It seems to me that almost everyone I know has some sort of plan for the future, or at the very least someone to turn to when things get to them. I can talk with the Pika-butt, but she's got her own problems to deal with, she doesn't need mine. And I guess I'm just do used to listening to people, that I'm, oh i dunno, afraid? I tend to dismiss my problems, just smiling and nodded, telling everyone, including myself, that everythings fine, and then making myself forget. Then suddenly it all comes back, like 'WHAM'. Then I end up fighting with my own sub-conscious. I think things out and a start to feel better. And then everything crumbles, the whole depression bit? Oh thats just an excuse. When I truely know it isn't. I wave off the heaviness that's been weighing my soul as an excuse for me to be lazy. And sometimes I wonder.
Time Changes
It's kind of odd how time changes things. I used to be extremely shy, I'm not so bad anymore. I have my moments, typically around people I don't know that I rather like and want to get to know, but of course do to the fact that I have these bouts of shyness I rarely get to know. I also used to skirt around alot of subjects that might make other people uncomfortable. I used to change who I was to make others more comfortable. I used to hide my beliefs. But over the years I've gotten more blunt. I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore, and look at this, I'm not doing that! I don't hide who I am, at least not as often XD. And now I'm sounding kinda silly.
Over-all I feel as if I've accomplished very little in my life. Sometimes I feel as if these last damn-near 19 years of life should have gone to someone far more deserving.
Perhaps to someone who wasn't such a waste of space.