Feb 16, 2010 18:49
i'm going to clean the bathroom tomorrow
as if life will go on
all normal
all nicey nice ho hum
i feel so dead inside
tonight i am drinking too much gin
but wtf it tastes good and i also took antihistamines since i have this gross reaction, hives sort of stuff, from the sulfa drugs i had to take for the infection.
i feel happy on drugs.
why can't we just have happy drugs
why are they illegal
why not research and make safe happy drugs
there are pseudo fake tiny bit around the middle legal happy drugs
like prozac or valium and alcohol and nicotine- not all so _safe_
but i mean the love and empowerment of quacks
or the fake little distant echo you can get from vicodin or something
why can't we have that in a safe form
feel ok
be able to work, do art, interact with loved ones,
not feel crushing despair
not feel intense overwhelming hopelessness and doom
not feel deep psychic fear that permeates you soul and the universe
why can't we just feel ok
use the brain chemistry to feel ok
then cook and clean and work and hobby/party, love, etc
why can't we do that
why do we have to put up with this christian krap about suffer on earth and have pie in the sky when you die
nobody knows what happens when you die
this life now you are in is the only one you've got
even if you believe in reincarnation or angels and hell, still
this life, now, what you are in, is what you've got
so why not feel ok or happy
feel energetic or inspired
do things that are good-ness whether that is
taking care of babies, tidying the house, creating great art and music, leading political movements,
fighting for social justice, watching caterpillars on a leaf, letting a ocean wave crash over you, stacking papers neatly in an office
why can't we just be ok
why do we have to suffer needlessly and spend outrageous amounts of money and time and resources on feeling miserable
we kill the earth, kill our mother for profit and greed, why?
and feel like krap unconnected, no love
what is that
why is that better than feeling all the love and power in the universe and having some drugs to tweak our fucked up serotonins etc, evolved for some other reason
not pertinent now.
damn where is the big rock candy mountain i need a map lets go there.