Eternal Darkness.
Authors Notes at the end, please read them before reading this.
The dark trenches, the echoing gunshot, the aching limbs. They're always there. Always following me. They never leave me alone, I know it ended a long time ago, but the things I saw, the terrifying, sickening things. I will never forget. It scares me, the eternal darkness.
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I held my fork in a trembling hand, slowly proding my carrots around my plate, Im hungry, so hungry, after three years of rotten, disgusting food, I want nothing more than to eat warm, delisious meals all day long, but when it comes to actually eating, I can never stomache it. It reminds me of before. Before the war, in my childhood home, seventeen years of age, making dinner for myself every night. You would think that your only child being sent off to war, through no choice of his own, being forced into the horrors of war, you would think my parents would have been devestated, Andy's parents were, all the other parents were, but not mine. My alchoholic father and drugged up wreck of a mother were happy to get rid of me, they didn't even acknowlage my existance, never have, the kind old lady next door looked after me in my younger years, she died when i was eleven. Raised myself from there on. I never really cared, just got on with it. The only reason I got through my teen years was Andy, my best friend, he helped my with school work, exams, he even stayed with me and held me while I cried when I finally reallised that i wasn't like all the other kids amd that my parents were never going to change. If I didn't have him I would probably be dead.
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I sat bolt up right in bed, breathing hard and sweating. It was That Dream again. I got out of my bed and made my way to my dressing table and picked up the bottle of pills and swallowed two dry, nose scrunching up from the unpleasant taste. The pills are vile, but they help stop the shaking. Its not enough though. I crept down the hall and through the door, and under the covers pressing myself up next to Andy, still shivering and sweating. He jaulted a little, but turned around and pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. I burried my face in his neck taking deep breaths, he whisperd reasurances in my hear, soft and soothing, carding his fingers through my hair, "You okay, buddie?" he whispered, I took a shakey breath, "Yeah, I-Its just-I just want them to stop Andy, it's over now, why wont they stop?" Andy pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head "You know why, Tylo. " I just nodded in defeat and drifting of to the rythem of Andy's breathing. I really don't know what i would do with out him, "Thank you." I whispered.
A soft thump on the head woke me up, Andy attacking me with pillows. Again. "Fimoreminututes" I murmered, Andy chuckled, "You said that an hour ago, Ty'. Its twelve thirty." Dear lord, he annoys me some times, he really does, "Ugh! okay, okay, im getting up," I huffed. Downstairs Andy kept looking at me strangely, "What?" he cleared his throat and avoided looking me in the eyes, "Andrew Hords, What arent you telling me?" I demanded, he's keeping me in the dark about something and I don't like it, he caughed again "Uumm...it's just that..." his voice went so quiet I couln't work out what he said, he smiled at me like that explained his behavior, "What? Andy, whats going on?" I was starting to freak out, he sighed "Okay, well....Simon and Harry are kind of moving in with us. Today. In one hour." my eyes widened "What!?" He sighd again, "Sorry! I didn't tell you before because I knew you'd freak out! They've got no where else to go, Harry's parrents kicked him out when he told them he didn't want to a part of their religion anymore, and Simon said he couldn't just let his brother go like that, come on Ty', I know you dont like people. At all, but please, please understand, their my friends from work-" I cut him off, "yes I know, you've mentioned them a few times," Andy rubbed his face with his hands, "Look, Tylo, I know it's hard for you, but please, for me?" I closed my eyes tight, "Okay, but where are they going to sleep, we only have two bedrooms," Andy looked sheepish again, "Uh...Simons sharing with me, so.." my eyes nearly popped out of my head, "What! No! Why? Why arent I sharing with you?" Andy's cheeks turned a light shade of pink, "I..um, yeah about that...me and simon...sort of-yeah...Im gay too...supprise?" He muttered twisting his hands togeather, I chuckled "you don't say? Andy, i've always know that, gay's intuition," I winked he smiled warmly, "so, you and Simon, huh?", "shut up!" He laughed, "so is Harry hot?" Andy shook his head at me "I correct my earlier statment, you don't like new people, exept possible hook up's." I nodded, "Pretty much."
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Okay so Harry's beyond hot. He's so polite and funny and understanding. If he's friends with Simon and Andy so he has to be gay, streight men tend to avoid any one who might be even potentially gay, we're apparently "unnatural" and "disgusting", I don't know what makes them think those things, they don't know us and if some one has feelings for someone else, for men or women, we can't be expected not to act on them. It's illeagle to engage in any physical activity with another man, you can be put in jail or even shot for it, what's all that about? It's like being starved for two months then someone putting a hot plate of spaghetti in front of you and telling you that you can't eat it because it's illeagle. Now you tell me, if you're starving, practicly dieing, what are you going to do; not eat the spaghetti for fear of going to jail and starve to death, or go for what you want, eat the spaghetti, and risk everything for something that, in your eyes, is tottaly worth it? Yes, I know, of coarse you'd eat it, exactly my point, i'm not prepared to sit around hiding any thaughts and feelings I may or maynot have. I will always go for what , or who, I want, whatever the risks are.
Sleeping in the same room as Harry is proving to be extremely difficult. He has my old bed which is directly opposit my current bed, which, thanks to the ginious that is Andy, makes Harry the first thing I see before I go to bed and the last thing I see when I go to sleep. It's not all bad, we stay up and talk most nights, it's nice, we find out eachother pasts, family, expierences, but it's better because it's just us, no Simon, no Andy, just us , it's comforting to know that I can talk to him like I do, I don't trust him, I never trust anybody exept Andy, but I think, in time I could maybe, possibly let him in. It just feels right talking to him about the things we do. It feels like i have someone to keep me grounded. It feels like it's meant to be that way. It feels like home.
"So how long have you known Andy?" Harry asked during our nightly chat, "God, forever, you know? I acctually can't remember life without him." Harry hummed in agreement "yeah, same with Simon. It's nice. Having someone who knows you, possibly more than yourself," I chuckled softly "Get's a bit creepy sometimes though, when Andy says what I was going to say before I even said it" Harry shifted under the covers, sitting up so he could see me clearer in the ever growing darkness of the room "Thank you! Iv'e always said that it freaks me out, but he just says it's good that we know eachother so well. It acctually quite offends me that he can, like, read my mind, I have personal things in there that i'd rather he didn't know about." I raised a suggestive eyebrow at him "Personal thaughts, huh?" he threw a pillow at me "Shut up!" I threw it back at him and jummped over to his bed and started tickling him accompannied with a chant of "Harry has dirty thaughts" and "Simon knows about Harry's dirty thaughts", which, yeah, was amazingly childish of me, but im alowed to have fun and there aren't many people I would feel comfortable enough with to ruffle their hair, let alone roll around a bed in the midst of a full blown tickle fight in a fit of giggles (yes, im a grown man of twenty one and I giggle, get over it) I think it's just him. I blame Harry for being rediculously attractive and forcing me to have to look or touch him in any way possible. "Guys! Will you shut the hell up! It's One in the god damned morning and me and Simon are tired as hell after...." we burst into another chourus of giggles "Tired out after what Andy? Was it fun?" Andy's face flushed a deep crimson "Shut up we-I don't-we never-Oh, just keep it down!" Andy stormed off back to his bedroom, me and Harry still in a fit of giggles, finding it hard to breath. We managed to calm down, lieing side by side, Harry's head on my shoulder (Yes! Harry! On me!) he shifted so we were face to face and stared at me contently, chocolaty brown eyes roaming over my features for a few minutes, "You have pretty eyes," he whispered, not wanting to awake the beast that is Andy, "Im a guy, I can't have pretty eyes," I protested with a hint of a playful pout, "yeah, but they're still pretty, they're not quite blue, more like a silvery grey, I don't know, like the colour of....the ocean at night time, with little green speccles..." his cheeks reddend like he was embarrassed to be saying those things, like i'd make fun of him, I really, really wouldn't, "Yours are too. Pretty I mean. All dark and liquidy...I-I get sucked in by them. All the time, it's like I have to keep looking, or they'll go away..." his mouth twiched at the corners and I brought my thumbs to his face and stroked along his cheeks and forehead and-just everywhere, anywhere, I just need to feel him, to know he was there, that he was real. He ran his fingers through my hair, the contact making my skin prickle. Wow. Just wow. "Your beautiful," I whispered. He didn't say anything back, just cuddled closer. That was enough. That was all I needed.
When I woke up the next morning, Harry was gone, I felt my stomache drop, I knew I'd over dramatized it. I always do. It didn't mean anything. Any of it.
Harry was sat at the kitchen table staring absently out of the window, not touching his breakfast. He looked...tired? Unhappy? Miserable? No. I knew that look. I've seen it on many other men before. He's guilty and it's because of me. Me and my stupid mouth. Okay, so maybe I didn't stop and think about the fact that he might not be gay. Hell, I hardly even know him. Oh God, what have I done?
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Two weeks. Two weeks since The Incident (It deserves capitals. It's that bad.). Two weeks since Harry has so much as looked at me. Two weeks of feeling things I've never felt before. Two weeks of me suffering for my complete idiocity. Two weeks is a damn long time.
I stormed upstairs, determined to fix our situation. I slammed the door open, startling Harry who was reading on his bed, "what the hell?" I stood directly in front of his bed "well, lets see shall we? You are quite possibly the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Ever. You just come here, to my house, I give you a place to stay and feed you. Im nice to you and I tried to control my self around you, I really did, but then you said all those things about me, my eyes, and I returned the complement and then you just cuddled into me, slept in the same bed as me, you had the choice to tell me to go back to my own bed, but you didn't. You just let me stay. Let me think that I stood a chance with you, but by morning, you felt all guilty and disgusting for doing such things. Jesus christ! And now I-I don't even know" I flopped back down onto my bed and wiped the moisture from the corner of my eyes. Oh God I think I just made things worse. Harry is just staring at my with his mouth hanging open. Yes. I made it worse.
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Three days later. Three days of Harry pretty much running away from me when I enter a room. Im not sure what he thinks about my feelings for him, oh my god, what if he's not gay? What if he thinks im 'contagious'? What if he reports me to the government? Oh God, Id get shot or thrown in jail. Why did I have to just rant about my feelings to the person they're for? What in Gods name is wrong with me? I burried my face in my hands and groaned in frustration. Thats when the bedroom door slammed open.
There's hands. Pushing me back into a wall. In my hair, gripping my shoulders, tracing the bumps of my spine. Hands, just roaming every where, tracing the lines of my body like they're trying to memorise me, burn me into his brain forever more. Lips frantic and hungry on mine, nipping, biting. It's all so hot and fast and desperate. Harry is kissing and grabbing at me as if these are the the last few minutes of life, like im going to pull away and tell him to leave. But then it slows down, once he's certain im not going anywhere. His hands move up my back, around my neck and then slide down to cup my jaw. The bite in the kiss disappears and now, now it's something completely different and new, but for once, im not scared. Harry slowly runs his tongue over my bootom lip, making me gasp at the unfamiliar sensation, he takes it as an invitation and slowly, shyly, pushes his tongue into the warmth of my mouth, stroking over mine tenderly. I gingerly push my own tongue into his mouth, trying to make him feel what Im feeling. Judging by the little needy whines he keeps making in the back of his throat, im doing something right. He slowly pulls away, leaning in to peck my lips one more time before leading me to his bed and climbing under the covers with me, wrapping one arm around my waist and stroking my hair with the other, making me drowsier by the second. I drifted off to feel of his warm breath on the shell of my ear. Im distantly aware of whispers of "So beautiful" and "Im sorry". Iv'e never felt so light, like I could float away, so passionate, so wanted. So complete.
Authors Notes: Okay, so i've completely given up on my last fic and fanfic all together, it just wasnt going anywhere. So im gonna try something new. Im posting an origional fic.
Pairing: Tylo/Harry and Simon/Andy
Rating: R at the moment, but things might get a bit steamy later on ;)
.....No disclaimer because the plot and characters and eveything else belongs to me..except World War 2.
Summary:Tylo Grien is twenty two years old and has just moved into a house with his best friend Andy Hords. They are both survivors of the second World War who are hiding their life choices from everyone else. Tylo has been mentally and physically scared from the war and no longer trusts anyone but Andy. But when Andy makes a wreckless desision to help two friends, things begin to change for the better, not only Tylo, but also everyone else.