Sadness and More Sadness...
okay, which part do you want first: the good news, or the bad news?
the good news is: since my last post, i actually have a brand new house sitting here on my property, waiting to be finished by the slowest goddamned workcrew on the face of the earth. but hey, it's here. i've even moved some things into it, to claim it, to make it mine despite their stupid SLOW-ASS way of doing things and the cigarette butts they leave smashed into the dirt outside the front door, but whatever.
the bad news, the very, very bad news is: i had to have my beloved dog of nine years, Sadie, put down yesterday. god, what a horror show and how terribly in pain she was, and what an awful decision to make, i wouldn't wish it on anyone. those of you with pets who have walked in these shoes know what i mean. suddenly, you are the judge and jury. suddenly, you are second-guessing yourself and wondering if you made the right choice, even as the euthanasia is occuring. terrible, terrible.
Sadie has been arthritic and getting worse from about a year now. she was obviously in pain, but managing it pretty well. three days ago, she took a tumble down the front steps. only about two steps, but at 10-11 years old, she really felt it. she was in bad shape on friday, but come saturday, she was in terrible, excrutiating pain. she could barely rise from the floor, and when she did, she refused to lie down again, and just stood in one place, panting hard and staring into the distance. she was barely coherent, and wouldn't go down the stairs to pee.
long story short, i took her to vet, who half-heartedly told me options of painkillers and nutritional supplements, and then basically laid it out: she's old, she's arthritic, and it's only going to get worse. i knew that before i even went in. i had already made the decision before i went in. i did NOT want any extraordinary means taken to keep an old, hurting, arthritic dog alive. i love her dearly, but enough is enough.
so i asked to let her go. she was ready to go. it was funny--every time i've taken her to the vet, and he takes her into the other room for shots or to get her nails trimmed, at the last moment, she reels back around and looks at me. EVERY SINGLE TIME. yesterday, after i talked to her for a few minutes to say goodbye and to tell her how much she means to me, and then the vet came to get her, when i handed him the leash, she turned and walked away...and never looked back.
for me, that was my sure sign that she was ready to go.
that dog helped me through some of the toughest moments of my life. i got her after i left an abusive marriage, and she helped me feel safe again. she was there when a preadoptive placement of a child didn't work out. she drove me crazy, she was maddening at times, she was quirky and needy and had post-traumatic stress disorder, but she was the sweetest, nuttiest, weirdest, kindest dog i have ever had. she was a great dog, and i miss her a lot already.
RIP, Sadie, i love you Poppy--i have been picturing you all day, running through fields of daisies with hamburger stands everywhere you look!!
the good news is: since my last post, i actually have a brand new house sitting here on my property, waiting to be finished by the slowest goddamned workcrew on the face of the earth. but hey, it's here. i've even moved some things into it, to claim it, to make it mine despite their stupid SLOW-ASS way of doing things and the cigarette butts they leave smashed into the dirt outside the front door, but whatever.
the bad news, the very, very bad news is: i had to have my beloved dog of nine years, Sadie, put down yesterday. god, what a horror show and how terribly in pain she was, and what an awful decision to make, i wouldn't wish it on anyone. those of you with pets who have walked in these shoes know what i mean. suddenly, you are the judge and jury. suddenly, you are second-guessing yourself and wondering if you made the right choice, even as the euthanasia is occuring. terrible, terrible.
Sadie has been arthritic and getting worse from about a year now. she was obviously in pain, but managing it pretty well. three days ago, she took a tumble down the front steps. only about two steps, but at 10-11 years old, she really felt it. she was in bad shape on friday, but come saturday, she was in terrible, excrutiating pain. she could barely rise from the floor, and when she did, she refused to lie down again, and just stood in one place, panting hard and staring into the distance. she was barely coherent, and wouldn't go down the stairs to pee.
long story short, i took her to vet, who half-heartedly told me options of painkillers and nutritional supplements, and then basically laid it out: she's old, she's arthritic, and it's only going to get worse. i knew that before i even went in. i had already made the decision before i went in. i did NOT want any extraordinary means taken to keep an old, hurting, arthritic dog alive. i love her dearly, but enough is enough.
so i asked to let her go. she was ready to go. it was funny--every time i've taken her to the vet, and he takes her into the other room for shots or to get her nails trimmed, at the last moment, she reels back around and looks at me. EVERY SINGLE TIME. yesterday, after i talked to her for a few minutes to say goodbye and to tell her how much she means to me, and then the vet came to get her, when i handed him the leash, she turned and walked away...and never looked back.
for me, that was my sure sign that she was ready to go.
that dog helped me through some of the toughest moments of my life. i got her after i left an abusive marriage, and she helped me feel safe again. she was there when a preadoptive placement of a child didn't work out. she drove me crazy, she was maddening at times, she was quirky and needy and had post-traumatic stress disorder, but she was the sweetest, nuttiest, weirdest, kindest dog i have ever had. she was a great dog, and i miss her a lot already.
RIP, Sadie, i love you Poppy--i have been picturing you all day, running through fields of daisies with hamburger stands everywhere you look!!