(no subject)
ugggh. i am having the worst day.
i hate being a whiney weiner, but seriously i am so fucking whatever today. yesterday i went on a crazy intense hike, then later went hashing (hiking/running whilst drinking beer) and so i am seriously laid up in bed right now because my legs hurt something fierce. i have the worst headache and i've had like period diarrhea all day even though i'm (fortunately) not on my period. HOT!
so last night was fucked up. i don't know if it was excessive alcohol or what. but i singlehandedly fucked two relationships. i called my sister out on being too drunk, and trying to go to a bar after hashing (when she really just needed to go home) and yeah i get it's none of my fucking business. but i was like you know, i'm the one who drove you out here and i'm not going to rely on some fucking trashed douchebag to get you home safely. i had already sobered up a bit by this point because i got pissed about some other shit and just wandered around 170th for fucking ever until she brought my keys back to me. (UGH) so i had to play fucking babysitter and get her home and then we get home and she jumps out of the car and heads for the max. OMMIFUCKINGGOD. i about shot her in the face. it took cody and i like 20 minutes to get her home. and then i'm just like FUCK THIS, I'VE DONE WHAT I NEED TO DO. (caps for emphasis!!!!) and like whatever, if she wants to go get sick, hurt, dead, maimed whatevaaaaaah!
and so she called me an alcoholic slut and a few other fabu gems and i was on my way home. by this point i've already been wandering, waiting for my fucking keys, arguing with drunk bitches, screaming at kristin's ex-boyfriend, and feeling like shit for like at least an hour. and i was not a happy camper. so cody and i are just being shitty with eachother and are both mentally/physically worn out. so we both just like silent treatment each other and try to out-nice the other. i told him i just wanted to sleep on the couch and watch t.v. and not deal with it. and he stays out in the living room and i'm just like fuckkkkk. i really wanted to be alone, so i just went to sleep in my workout clothes (EW) on the couch.
it just sucks. and i'm embarassed about being such a 5 year old last night so i've not talked to him at all today. we ended up in bed like at 4am and so this morning he woke me up when he was leaving for work to say bye and i pulled the sheets over my head. rude much. i feel like a dick. but i'm seriously grumpy. i have no clue why. i think i just get fucking bored of being mrs. beaver and keeping shit so fucking together. i'm going through one of my anti-everything, independent, pseudo-intellectual phases where i just want my vibrator and a good book. fehh. i know it sounds bizarre, but i just wish cody was a meaner person. i hate that we never ever ever ever fucking argue. it's ridiculous that we're almost 5 years in and i can count our TIFFS on one hand. he doesn't even argue properly, he just apologizes and touches and makes eye contact, and talks sensitively. he's too romantical and laidback and kind and pfffft and sometimes i just want someone to beat the shit out of me and fuck me over and be an asshole and make me rage against the machine or whatever it is that kids do nowadays
i'm obviously an asshole and in a mood. but seriously i just want to be spiritually broken and dominated right now so i can have something else to whine about. wah wah.
xoxo
sara
i hate being a whiney weiner, but seriously i am so fucking whatever today. yesterday i went on a crazy intense hike, then later went hashing (hiking/running whilst drinking beer) and so i am seriously laid up in bed right now because my legs hurt something fierce. i have the worst headache and i've had like period diarrhea all day even though i'm (fortunately) not on my period. HOT!
so last night was fucked up. i don't know if it was excessive alcohol or what. but i singlehandedly fucked two relationships. i called my sister out on being too drunk, and trying to go to a bar after hashing (when she really just needed to go home) and yeah i get it's none of my fucking business. but i was like you know, i'm the one who drove you out here and i'm not going to rely on some fucking trashed douchebag to get you home safely. i had already sobered up a bit by this point because i got pissed about some other shit and just wandered around 170th for fucking ever until she brought my keys back to me. (UGH) so i had to play fucking babysitter and get her home and then we get home and she jumps out of the car and heads for the max. OMMIFUCKINGGOD. i about shot her in the face. it took cody and i like 20 minutes to get her home. and then i'm just like FUCK THIS, I'VE DONE WHAT I NEED TO DO. (caps for emphasis!!!!) and like whatever, if she wants to go get sick, hurt, dead, maimed whatevaaaaaah!
and so she called me an alcoholic slut and a few other fabu gems and i was on my way home. by this point i've already been wandering, waiting for my fucking keys, arguing with drunk bitches, screaming at kristin's ex-boyfriend, and feeling like shit for like at least an hour. and i was not a happy camper. so cody and i are just being shitty with eachother and are both mentally/physically worn out. so we both just like silent treatment each other and try to out-nice the other. i told him i just wanted to sleep on the couch and watch t.v. and not deal with it. and he stays out in the living room and i'm just like fuckkkkk. i really wanted to be alone, so i just went to sleep in my workout clothes (EW) on the couch.
it just sucks. and i'm embarassed about being such a 5 year old last night so i've not talked to him at all today. we ended up in bed like at 4am and so this morning he woke me up when he was leaving for work to say bye and i pulled the sheets over my head. rude much. i feel like a dick. but i'm seriously grumpy. i have no clue why. i think i just get fucking bored of being mrs. beaver and keeping shit so fucking together. i'm going through one of my anti-everything, independent, pseudo-intellectual phases where i just want my vibrator and a good book. fehh. i know it sounds bizarre, but i just wish cody was a meaner person. i hate that we never ever ever ever fucking argue. it's ridiculous that we're almost 5 years in and i can count our TIFFS on one hand. he doesn't even argue properly, he just apologizes and touches and makes eye contact, and talks sensitively. he's too romantical and laidback and kind and pfffft and sometimes i just want someone to beat the shit out of me and fuck me over and be an asshole and make me rage against the machine or whatever it is that kids do nowadays
i'm obviously an asshole and in a mood. but seriously i just want to be spiritually broken and dominated right now so i can have something else to whine about. wah wah.
xoxo
sara