(no subject)
I suppose my post from last night requires some explanation.
After some recent thought and conversations with some friends... and years of considering it on and off, I broke up with Mikhail.
I knew I did the right thing when immediately after, it felt as if a weight were lifted from my shoulders.
I knew I didn't want commitment. Not the way Mikhail and I had it. I told Mikhail he was dependent on me--his response, "we were engaged!"
Even if we were engaged, that shouldn't mean we're dependent upon one another for happiness. I see a healthy relationship being one where two people live together and have fun together, but could be just as happy being by themselves.
I've never lived on my own. With the way things were heading, I would have NEVER lived on my own. I can't have that. I need to be independent, for at least part of my life.
I'm realizing more and more that I'm so YOUNG, and I have so much of life ahead of me. And I want that life to be open for me to do whatever I please.
Mikhail is a wonderful guy, and I'm so, so, so, so, so grateful for the time I had with him. If it weren't for him I would most certainly not be the person I am now. He was there for me through so many rough times, and for that I feel very fortunate. I would like to maintain a close friendship with him--he knows so much more about me than anyone outside of my family... he might even know more about me than some of my family...
The past five years were not a waste. The thought didn't even come to my mind that they were a waste. Every moment in this relationship was worth it for the many things I learned in the relationship.
I feel like I have grown so much in the past day.
I held onto him because I was afraid it would ruin all of the friendships and relationships I had with people. I've realized that people will take me as I am, with or without Mikhail attached. and if they won't, then that's their loss.
I'm feeling good. Feeling great, today.
I suppose I should call mom and fill her in.
After some recent thought and conversations with some friends... and years of considering it on and off, I broke up with Mikhail.
I knew I did the right thing when immediately after, it felt as if a weight were lifted from my shoulders.
I knew I didn't want commitment. Not the way Mikhail and I had it. I told Mikhail he was dependent on me--his response, "we were engaged!"
Even if we were engaged, that shouldn't mean we're dependent upon one another for happiness. I see a healthy relationship being one where two people live together and have fun together, but could be just as happy being by themselves.
I've never lived on my own. With the way things were heading, I would have NEVER lived on my own. I can't have that. I need to be independent, for at least part of my life.
I'm realizing more and more that I'm so YOUNG, and I have so much of life ahead of me. And I want that life to be open for me to do whatever I please.
Mikhail is a wonderful guy, and I'm so, so, so, so, so grateful for the time I had with him. If it weren't for him I would most certainly not be the person I am now. He was there for me through so many rough times, and for that I feel very fortunate. I would like to maintain a close friendship with him--he knows so much more about me than anyone outside of my family... he might even know more about me than some of my family...
The past five years were not a waste. The thought didn't even come to my mind that they were a waste. Every moment in this relationship was worth it for the many things I learned in the relationship.
I feel like I have grown so much in the past day.
I held onto him because I was afraid it would ruin all of the friendships and relationships I had with people. I've realized that people will take me as I am, with or without Mikhail attached. and if they won't, then that's their loss.
I'm feeling good. Feeling great, today.
I suppose I should call mom and fill her in.