so i edited my poem, and i'm actually quite proud of it now
The Pencil
I have the strength to make undone,
to manifest the mind,
to lead with scrawling blood and bone
to worlds beyond design.
My seed is placed within your hands,
My soul does lie in truths,
My feet are dragged across white sands
in search for blatant proofs
That he might know himself in lapse
as I know him inside
A cage of thick skull and synapse
Unmasked by feelings' tide.
So wear me thin and push me down,
confess undying love
to one who'd rather not have known
I've bled for this enough.
So count me out, of this, your game.
For you too long I've led
These sweet nothings You've never named
When words were better said
It hasn't changed much, but I reread it and tried to make it a sexual metaphor. I still try to keep the hints about the writing tool, "scrawling" "lead" "led" "white sands" = paper, etc -- namely, I blatantly say what it is i'm describing in the title, but i tried to make that hint into the metaphor. I dunno, maybe read it once thinking it describes a pencil used for love letters and other cheesy things, then read it again thinking that it describes what i suggest... does it work? i'm not sure... let me know...
I have the strength to make undone,
to manifest the mind,
to lead with scrawling blood and bone
to worlds beyond design.
My seed is placed within your hands,
My soul does lie in truths,
My feet are dragged across white sands
in search for blatant proofs
That he might know himself in lapse
as I know him inside
A cage of thick skull and synapse
Unmasked by feelings' tide.
So wear me thin and push me down,
confess undying love
to one who'd rather not have known
I've bled for this enough.
So count me out, of this, your game.
For you too long I've led
These sweet nothings You've never named
When words were better said
It hasn't changed much, but I reread it and tried to make it a sexual metaphor. I still try to keep the hints about the writing tool, "scrawling" "lead" "led" "white sands" = paper, etc -- namely, I blatantly say what it is i'm describing in the title, but i tried to make that hint into the metaphor. I dunno, maybe read it once thinking it describes a pencil used for love letters and other cheesy things, then read it again thinking that it describes what i suggest... does it work? i'm not sure... let me know...