(no subject)
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So I was digging around the DVD shelf and found one of Sam’s B horror movies, a quirky thing by the name Dracula 3000. Or maybe it was a C. I would rate it W, for What the Shit Did I Take To Make Me Think It Was A Good Idea To Watch That?
Vampires. In space. Where, according to the tag line, there is no sunlight.
They needed to give someone a excuse to open one of the fifty coffins in the hold, so they had one character a rampant junkie convinced that there were drugs being smuggled in said coffins.
(Side note: There is fifty coffins because Dracula likes to hide in a different one each time and explode the lid for a dramatic entrance. Every. Time.)
Coffin opened.
Crew vamped.
Survivors follow no rational course of action. Like:
1. Never go anywhere alone.
2. Just ‘cause your name is Van Helsing, doesn’t mean you automatically know how to fight vampires.
3. Do not taunt Dracula unless it’s over his ashes in the middle of a sunlit field.
4. Never open the door. NEVER. Unless it’s for the robot who can’t be bitten. Then open the damn door.
5. Don’t stand in the doorway and say, “See? Nothing’s there.”
6. If you’re in space, you should possibly know how to fly the spaceship in case of sudden emergency.
7. Bullets don’t work. Stop wasting them.
8. NEVER OPEN THE DOOR.
9. If a crewmate attempts to bite you, do not try to reason with him. Toss him out the airlock.
10. Do not set your spaceship on a direct course with a friggin’ SUN.
11. Don’t stick your face around a dark corner to check it out. Chances are, you’ll be sans face.
12. If you find a room with crucifixes nailed everywhere, stay there.
13. Stop wandering around the hallways.
14. If you hear a strange noise in a dark hallway, never call out, “BOB? IS THAT YOU?” Because it’s not Bob.
Anyway. The two survivors have mad crazy sex and then fly the ship into the sun. O_o Yeah, I spoiled it. Sucks to be you.
So I was digging around the DVD shelf and found one of Sam’s B horror movies, a quirky thing by the name Dracula 3000. Or maybe it was a C. I would rate it W, for What the Shit Did I Take To Make Me Think It Was A Good Idea To Watch That?
Vampires. In space. Where, according to the tag line, there is no sunlight.
They needed to give someone a excuse to open one of the fifty coffins in the hold, so they had one character a rampant junkie convinced that there were drugs being smuggled in said coffins.
(Side note: There is fifty coffins because Dracula likes to hide in a different one each time and explode the lid for a dramatic entrance. Every. Time.)
Coffin opened.
Crew vamped.
Survivors follow no rational course of action. Like:
1. Never go anywhere alone.
2. Just ‘cause your name is Van Helsing, doesn’t mean you automatically know how to fight vampires.
3. Do not taunt Dracula unless it’s over his ashes in the middle of a sunlit field.
4. Never open the door. NEVER. Unless it’s for the robot who can’t be bitten. Then open the damn door.
5. Don’t stand in the doorway and say, “See? Nothing’s there.”
6. If you’re in space, you should possibly know how to fly the spaceship in case of sudden emergency.
7. Bullets don’t work. Stop wasting them.
8. NEVER OPEN THE DOOR.
9. If a crewmate attempts to bite you, do not try to reason with him. Toss him out the airlock.
10. Do not set your spaceship on a direct course with a friggin’ SUN.
11. Don’t stick your face around a dark corner to check it out. Chances are, you’ll be sans face.
12. If you find a room with crucifixes nailed everywhere, stay there.
13. Stop wandering around the hallways.
14. If you hear a strange noise in a dark hallway, never call out, “BOB? IS THAT YOU?” Because it’s not Bob.
Anyway. The two survivors have mad crazy sex and then fly the ship into the sun. O_o Yeah, I spoiled it. Sucks to be you.