¡España! Crazy With The Heat
Scene One: A hotel room in Mérida, Spain. It is morning.
ESPOSO: (consulting a map) I think we should walk into town today. It looks like it would only be a half hour walk. And I don't want to drive the car into that twisty-turny place again. Plus, it will be a pain to park.
ME: (consulting the weather report) I think you're insane. It's already 102 degrees out.
ESPOSO: (leans over, looks at computer screen) Yeah, but it says it only "feels like" 99!
ME: ...
ME: It's only 10am. It's supposed to go up to 107 degrees later today. It may only be a half hour walk in now, but think about what it's going to be like after we walk around in the heat all day THEN need to walk a half hour back home.
ESPOSO: Oh, it won't be that bad. Besides, I told you this would be a tough trip with lots of walking. We'll bring plenty of water. Don't worry about it.
Scene Two: Later than morning. ESPOSO and I have walked about half way into town. We are already both glistening with sweat. The heat is starting to make ME a little punchy.
ESPOSO: Let's walk down there to get a better shot of me in front of the ancient Roman bridge.
ME: I'm not walking down there.
ESPOSO: What? Why not?
ME: Look at all of that tall scrubby grass. I'll probably get ticks on me. Spanish ticks.
ESPOSO: Spanish ticks.
ME: Yeah. It's like Spanish Fly but way less sexy.
*** Many hours elapse, during which the ESPOSO and I find the Roman ruins and walk around them under the scorching sun for a few hours. Our water supply is depleted. I am walking slower and slower. ***
Scene Three: Still in the ruins.
ESPOSO: (sticking the FlipCamera in my face) So, Megan. What do you think of Mérida so far?
ME: It is lovely. It is hot.
ESPOSO: That's it?
ME: Give me some cerveza and my melted brain might be able to come up with a more pithy response.
*** ESPOSO and I finally exit the ruins. ESPOSO sticks his head under a fountain out our way out. I damn my vanity for not following suit. ***
Scene Four: At lunch. I am filming the ESPOSO for one of his work video shots.
ESPOSO: This time of day, the ancient Romans would have had their lunch and siesta just like the modern Spanish do today. Because it is SO HOT OUT, there is no way anyone could function without it.
(WE both laugh.)
Scene Five: After lunch, not siesta-ing. Outside the ancient Roman circus. It is closed.
ME: Do you know why this is closed, Dann? Because everyone else is siesta-ing. Like we should be doing right now. By the pool. Our hotel has a pool, remember?
ESPOSO: (ignoring ME) ...Maybe if I stand on this fence I can get a good picture without needing to go inside...
Scene Six: Trudging through the empty streets of Mérida after seeing the closed circus and an aqueduct. I am starting to see little black stars at the edges of my vision.
ME: I think we need to take a cab back. I'm starting to feel really sick. I'm not going to be able to walk all the way back.
ESPOSO: What? That's crazy. Do you know how expensive that would be? And it is NOT that a long walk.
ME: It's a long walk in 107 degree heat!
ESPOSO: I told you this would be a hard trip-
ME: Just stop there. Look, YOU stay here and see whatever ancient thing you want to see. I will take the cab back.
ESPOSO: That is an unnecessary expense. Besides, you can't speak Spanish. How will you direct the cab driver?
ME: (pulls the hotel's card out of my wallet) I will point at this and say, "AQUI."
ESPOSO: I am going to be really irritated if you spend money on a cab.
ME: I am NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU FOR THE REST OF THE DAY if you make me feel guilty about taking a cab.
ESPOSO: Fine!
ME: FINE!
Scene Seven: About twenty minutes later, back at the ancient Roman bridge. We are both still walking. As promised, I am not talking.
ESPOSO: Do you want another sip of iced tea?
ME: ...
ESPOSO: Megan?
ME: ...
ESPOSO: Meeeeeeeegan.
ME: ...
ESPOSO: What? Why aren't you talking to me?
ME: (explodes in a diatribe of expletives too foul for such a public forum)
ESPOSO: ...Um. Let's just get you back to the hotel.
Scene Eight: Back at the hotel. It is approximately six hours later. I collapse onto the bed. ESPOSO begins uploading images and film from today's findings on the laptop.
ME: DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.
ESPOSO: ...
ESPOSO: You know, I don't. Why don't I work in the lobby and let you, um, rest.
ME: *grumbles*
*** later, back in hotel room ***
ESPOSO: (tentatively) Feeling better?
ME: *grunts*
ESPOSO: You know, the pool is still open.
ME: *grunts*
ESPOSO: Want to go?
ME: FINE.
Scene Nine: The pool.
ESPOSO: (post dip) That felt really good.
ME: Yes it did. You know how it could have felt even better?
ESPOSO: How?
ME: IF WE HAD BEEN HERE SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER.
ESPOSO: Yeah. We may have over-done it today.
ME: ...
ME: Just a bit.
Fin.
ESPOSO: (consulting a map) I think we should walk into town today. It looks like it would only be a half hour walk. And I don't want to drive the car into that twisty-turny place again. Plus, it will be a pain to park.
ME: (consulting the weather report) I think you're insane. It's already 102 degrees out.
ESPOSO: (leans over, looks at computer screen) Yeah, but it says it only "feels like" 99!
ME: ...
ME: It's only 10am. It's supposed to go up to 107 degrees later today. It may only be a half hour walk in now, but think about what it's going to be like after we walk around in the heat all day THEN need to walk a half hour back home.
ESPOSO: Oh, it won't be that bad. Besides, I told you this would be a tough trip with lots of walking. We'll bring plenty of water. Don't worry about it.
Scene Two: Later than morning. ESPOSO and I have walked about half way into town. We are already both glistening with sweat. The heat is starting to make ME a little punchy.
ESPOSO: Let's walk down there to get a better shot of me in front of the ancient Roman bridge.
ME: I'm not walking down there.
ESPOSO: What? Why not?
ME: Look at all of that tall scrubby grass. I'll probably get ticks on me. Spanish ticks.
ESPOSO: Spanish ticks.
ME: Yeah. It's like Spanish Fly but way less sexy.
*** Many hours elapse, during which the ESPOSO and I find the Roman ruins and walk around them under the scorching sun for a few hours. Our water supply is depleted. I am walking slower and slower. ***
Scene Three: Still in the ruins.
ESPOSO: (sticking the FlipCamera in my face) So, Megan. What do you think of Mérida so far?
ME: It is lovely. It is hot.
ESPOSO: That's it?
ME: Give me some cerveza and my melted brain might be able to come up with a more pithy response.
*** ESPOSO and I finally exit the ruins. ESPOSO sticks his head under a fountain out our way out. I damn my vanity for not following suit. ***
Scene Four: At lunch. I am filming the ESPOSO for one of his work video shots.
ESPOSO: This time of day, the ancient Romans would have had their lunch and siesta just like the modern Spanish do today. Because it is SO HOT OUT, there is no way anyone could function without it.
(WE both laugh.)
Scene Five: After lunch, not siesta-ing. Outside the ancient Roman circus. It is closed.
ME: Do you know why this is closed, Dann? Because everyone else is siesta-ing. Like we should be doing right now. By the pool. Our hotel has a pool, remember?
ESPOSO: (ignoring ME) ...Maybe if I stand on this fence I can get a good picture without needing to go inside...
Scene Six: Trudging through the empty streets of Mérida after seeing the closed circus and an aqueduct. I am starting to see little black stars at the edges of my vision.
ME: I think we need to take a cab back. I'm starting to feel really sick. I'm not going to be able to walk all the way back.
ESPOSO: What? That's crazy. Do you know how expensive that would be? And it is NOT that a long walk.
ME: It's a long walk in 107 degree heat!
ESPOSO: I told you this would be a hard trip-
ME: Just stop there. Look, YOU stay here and see whatever ancient thing you want to see. I will take the cab back.
ESPOSO: That is an unnecessary expense. Besides, you can't speak Spanish. How will you direct the cab driver?
ME: (pulls the hotel's card out of my wallet) I will point at this and say, "AQUI."
ESPOSO: I am going to be really irritated if you spend money on a cab.
ME: I am NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU FOR THE REST OF THE DAY if you make me feel guilty about taking a cab.
ESPOSO: Fine!
ME: FINE!
Scene Seven: About twenty minutes later, back at the ancient Roman bridge. We are both still walking. As promised, I am not talking.
ESPOSO: Do you want another sip of iced tea?
ME: ...
ESPOSO: Megan?
ME: ...
ESPOSO: Meeeeeeeegan.
ME: ...
ESPOSO: What? Why aren't you talking to me?
ME: (explodes in a diatribe of expletives too foul for such a public forum)
ESPOSO: ...Um. Let's just get you back to the hotel.
Scene Eight: Back at the hotel. It is approximately six hours later. I collapse onto the bed. ESPOSO begins uploading images and film from today's findings on the laptop.
ME: DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.
ESPOSO: ...
ESPOSO: You know, I don't. Why don't I work in the lobby and let you, um, rest.
ME: *grumbles*
*** later, back in hotel room ***
ESPOSO: (tentatively) Feeling better?
ME: *grunts*
ESPOSO: You know, the pool is still open.
ME: *grunts*
ESPOSO: Want to go?
ME: FINE.
Scene Nine: The pool.
ESPOSO: (post dip) That felt really good.
ME: Yes it did. You know how it could have felt even better?
ESPOSO: How?
ME: IF WE HAD BEEN HERE SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER.
ESPOSO: Yeah. We may have over-done it today.
ME: ...
ME: Just a bit.
Fin.