Dialogue: Zen, Part 2
The scene: The living room, this afternoon. We've just come home from lunch and a fun visit to the Providence Children's Museum. The ESPOSO is preparing to leave for a radio show and the MUNCHKIN is asleep. The INSANE CLOWN BEAGLE is outside. All seems quiet.
PATOOT: Mommy, can I do your yoga class with you now?
ME: Well, I don't see why not. Let's get the yoga mats.
A few minutes later, we are all set up in the living room, two yoga mats spread out and my 45 minute yoga class queued-up on the laptop. Mother and Daughter go through the first five minutes in a Zen-like calm.
MUNCHKIN: (from upstairs) Mommy?
ME: Oh boy.
The MUNCHKIN toddles downstairs into the living room.
MUNCHKIN: Whatcha watchin?
ESPOSO: (packing to go) They're doing yoga, buddy.
MUNCHKIN: I do yoga too!
YOGA LADY: ...now a nice, rounded back for Cat Pose...
MUNCHKIN: (crawls underneath me like I'm a bridge) You a CAT, Mommy!
ME: Meow.
MUNCHKIN: Hahahahahaha! You a CAT.
PATOOT: Ayyyy-mon. Yoga is PEACEFUL. Stop talking.
ME: Honey, you can do yoga with us, but you have to do it in your own space.
ESPOSO: (walking out door) Ok, bye guys!
The ESPOSO leaves. For a moment, there is controlled chaos.
YOGA LADY: ...sloooowly bring your right foot up into Tree Pose...
MUNCHKIN: (begins running around PATOOT) Ring around the rosy! Pocket full of posy! (he knocks into her; she falls down)
PATOOT: AYYY-MON! MOM! Eamon knocked me out of Tree Pose!
ME: (restrains from yelling "Timber!") Eamon, stop banging into your sister.
YOGA LADY: ....now back into Downward-facing Dog...
At this point, the INSANE CLOWN BEAGLE (ICB) sniffs her way into the scene. She trots onto PATOOT's yoga mat.
PATOOT: OW! Mommmmmm! The beagle stepped on my HAIR.
ME: (shoos the dog) Holly. Go lay down.
The ICB proceeds to lay down on MY yoga mat.
ME: Oh sweet Jesus.
MUNCHKIN: Holly do yoga too! Hahahaha!
ME: Yesss. Look. Lily, just keep following the Yoga Lady, ok?
PATOOT: (deep, indignant sigh) Ohhh-kay, Mommy.
YOGA LADY: ...rise up into inverted plank...
The MUNCHKIN starts drumming on PATOOT's belly while it's in the air. She is half furious, half amused and they both fall on top of each other laughing and fighting, intermittently.
ME: Ok, I'm turning this off, guys.
CHILDREN: NO!!! We LIKE Yoga!!!!
YOGA LADY: ...releasing the tension...
ME: Fat chance, lady.
Fin.
PATOOT: Mommy, can I do your yoga class with you now?
ME: Well, I don't see why not. Let's get the yoga mats.
A few minutes later, we are all set up in the living room, two yoga mats spread out and my 45 minute yoga class queued-up on the laptop. Mother and Daughter go through the first five minutes in a Zen-like calm.
MUNCHKIN: (from upstairs) Mommy?
ME: Oh boy.
The MUNCHKIN toddles downstairs into the living room.
MUNCHKIN: Whatcha watchin?
ESPOSO: (packing to go) They're doing yoga, buddy.
MUNCHKIN: I do yoga too!
YOGA LADY: ...now a nice, rounded back for Cat Pose...
MUNCHKIN: (crawls underneath me like I'm a bridge) You a CAT, Mommy!
ME: Meow.
MUNCHKIN: Hahahahahaha! You a CAT.
PATOOT: Ayyyy-mon. Yoga is PEACEFUL. Stop talking.
ME: Honey, you can do yoga with us, but you have to do it in your own space.
ESPOSO: (walking out door) Ok, bye guys!
The ESPOSO leaves. For a moment, there is controlled chaos.
YOGA LADY: ...sloooowly bring your right foot up into Tree Pose...
MUNCHKIN: (begins running around PATOOT) Ring around the rosy! Pocket full of posy! (he knocks into her; she falls down)
PATOOT: AYYY-MON! MOM! Eamon knocked me out of Tree Pose!
ME: (restrains from yelling "Timber!") Eamon, stop banging into your sister.
YOGA LADY: ....now back into Downward-facing Dog...
At this point, the INSANE CLOWN BEAGLE (ICB) sniffs her way into the scene. She trots onto PATOOT's yoga mat.
PATOOT: OW! Mommmmmm! The beagle stepped on my HAIR.
ME: (shoos the dog) Holly. Go lay down.
The ICB proceeds to lay down on MY yoga mat.
ME: Oh sweet Jesus.
MUNCHKIN: Holly do yoga too! Hahahaha!
ME: Yesss. Look. Lily, just keep following the Yoga Lady, ok?
PATOOT: (deep, indignant sigh) Ohhh-kay, Mommy.
YOGA LADY: ...rise up into inverted plank...
The MUNCHKIN starts drumming on PATOOT's belly while it's in the air. She is half furious, half amused and they both fall on top of each other laughing and fighting, intermittently.
ME: Ok, I'm turning this off, guys.
CHILDREN: NO!!! We LIKE Yoga!!!!
YOGA LADY: ...releasing the tension...
ME: Fat chance, lady.
Fin.