a day of only producing, ended unexpectedly
Settling into a warm fuzzy feeling regarding this Friday, New Year's Eve. Turns out my good-natured friend Lev is going and I won't be spending the evening partying with Phil. Although the notion is sitll pretty fresh in my mind, I am already looking forward to Friday evening about four times as much as I had been previously.
Made a remarkable amount of creative progress today of all days, when I wasn't obligated to do anything at all. I fixed my electric guitar. I discovered how to record my Kaossilator on Audacity and also discovered there's a built-in microphone on my computer. I recorded my rap lyrics and wrote a beat (not to mention the progress made on the drum machine and sampler in Reason...loading .wav samples, great!) On my merry way toward a great creative boom. Once I know how to use everything and get in the hang of it. . . well then, my only obstacles will be anxiety and time. The anxiety will dissipate as I spend more time creating. I'm sure of it. This is what my identity will become once again-as it was in high school, eleventh grade, when I hadn't a care in the world but expression. Working on that little art book, writing, dressing in my mother's crazy skirts, flowers in my hair. Worshiping the Beatles day in, day out. Peace Day.
No boyfriend. No worry.
Let the world open back up for me. Let this stage of my life be a joyous one, full of hope and learning and contentment. Let the darkness recede, let it shrink back until it has nowhere to hide, until the light envelopes it and it can no longer survive. Let the wine flow freely and my conscience not object; let us remain safe and dry in our bright house which resonates with youth and freedom. Let the poetry float from our souls onto paper and into the air as music; let us not be afraid to show the world what is contained in our being. We are human; we are life. We are female; we are divine.
When the loneliness comes, let it creep but not invade. Let it remind us of company's beauty but not of the tomb's silence. Let our bodies' movements overshadow the shadow. Let our alliances, our love for one another, shoot down the threat from within, the pull toward darkness.
It is past one AM. Let this be for an abundance of creative energy and not a restless anxiety. Let us sleep soundly like the goddesses we are. Let us maintain our pride, our love and certainty. Let our learning bring not further skepticism but acceptance and understanding. Let the fear dissolve in laughter.
Made a remarkable amount of creative progress today of all days, when I wasn't obligated to do anything at all. I fixed my electric guitar. I discovered how to record my Kaossilator on Audacity and also discovered there's a built-in microphone on my computer. I recorded my rap lyrics and wrote a beat (not to mention the progress made on the drum machine and sampler in Reason...loading .wav samples, great!) On my merry way toward a great creative boom. Once I know how to use everything and get in the hang of it. . . well then, my only obstacles will be anxiety and time. The anxiety will dissipate as I spend more time creating. I'm sure of it. This is what my identity will become once again-as it was in high school, eleventh grade, when I hadn't a care in the world but expression. Working on that little art book, writing, dressing in my mother's crazy skirts, flowers in my hair. Worshiping the Beatles day in, day out. Peace Day.
No boyfriend. No worry.
Let the world open back up for me. Let this stage of my life be a joyous one, full of hope and learning and contentment. Let the darkness recede, let it shrink back until it has nowhere to hide, until the light envelopes it and it can no longer survive. Let the wine flow freely and my conscience not object; let us remain safe and dry in our bright house which resonates with youth and freedom. Let the poetry float from our souls onto paper and into the air as music; let us not be afraid to show the world what is contained in our being. We are human; we are life. We are female; we are divine.
When the loneliness comes, let it creep but not invade. Let it remind us of company's beauty but not of the tomb's silence. Let our bodies' movements overshadow the shadow. Let our alliances, our love for one another, shoot down the threat from within, the pull toward darkness.
It is past one AM. Let this be for an abundance of creative energy and not a restless anxiety. Let us sleep soundly like the goddesses we are. Let us maintain our pride, our love and certainty. Let our learning bring not further skepticism but acceptance and understanding. Let the fear dissolve in laughter.