(no subject)
you look like a lovely little irish boy in my green sweater with your red hair.
i wrote shitloads yesterday and the day before and the day before.
got it all done but for three journal entries...(the 14 other ones totaled 5600 words)
there was a possility of going to california on the 25th with two guys named wes and jake. i'vee gotten high in the presence of wes twice, but other then that we haven't really talked and i've never met jake. tom was invited to. i think we are both having second thoughts.
school is done. i have a couple of exams on the 21 and 23, but i don't plan on studying all that hard for them. i mostly feel like it's all done. over with. it felt good to get my creative writing stuff in. it felt good to write. i'm proud of my stories and poems. i hope i have the disipline to keep writing consistently without the ridgidity of a univesity style learning environment with due dates and other fear tactics. i feel utterly free. it feels good to know that i am. that i was free before. that i'll always be free. that's why i want to take a look at this trip to california and figure out if its truly what i want. because i can truly do anything i want. i would like to go to california. or oregon. or washington. or anywhere in canada or anywhere in the states. hitchhikin, bikin, wwoofin, couchsurfing, walkin, busin', workin', writin.
i bought cheese yesterday. thats all i've bought since i decided not to buy anything anymore. i'm doing okay. i am not opposed to working. i am not opposed to saving.
i am thinking europe and aisa in the fall. for a long long time. it's now april. april may june july august. work and go. work and go. and of tom? he's more then welcome to join me. i want him to. i do not want to leave him like david left me. i do not want to leave him like i left bryan. i want to show him the world. i want him to show me the world. i want to show each other the world.
but i do also want to be alone.
i do also want to be independent and strong.
(on the 17th i'll have had consecutive boyfriends for four years)
i do not want to be stubborn.
i do not want to be selfish.
i do not want to be close minded.
i do not want tom to live with the fear of losing me.
that is the same fear i had the whole time i was with david. perpetual fear that he would leave me. and he did. he needed to. and i think i needed him to as well. i needed to see that it could be done, that we both would survive and be ok.
relationships are hard! the hardest thing indeed.
i watch you sitting out side on your moms new blue compost container. i watch you from inside your room. you write painstakingly slow and carefully.
you write like i talk and i write like you talk.
i want to tell you everything. i want to show you everything i've ever written.
i want to tell you how much my zits fucking kill me.
i wrote shitloads yesterday and the day before and the day before.
got it all done but for three journal entries...(the 14 other ones totaled 5600 words)
there was a possility of going to california on the 25th with two guys named wes and jake. i'vee gotten high in the presence of wes twice, but other then that we haven't really talked and i've never met jake. tom was invited to. i think we are both having second thoughts.
school is done. i have a couple of exams on the 21 and 23, but i don't plan on studying all that hard for them. i mostly feel like it's all done. over with. it felt good to get my creative writing stuff in. it felt good to write. i'm proud of my stories and poems. i hope i have the disipline to keep writing consistently without the ridgidity of a univesity style learning environment with due dates and other fear tactics. i feel utterly free. it feels good to know that i am. that i was free before. that i'll always be free. that's why i want to take a look at this trip to california and figure out if its truly what i want. because i can truly do anything i want. i would like to go to california. or oregon. or washington. or anywhere in canada or anywhere in the states. hitchhikin, bikin, wwoofin, couchsurfing, walkin, busin', workin', writin.
i bought cheese yesterday. thats all i've bought since i decided not to buy anything anymore. i'm doing okay. i am not opposed to working. i am not opposed to saving.
i am thinking europe and aisa in the fall. for a long long time. it's now april. april may june july august. work and go. work and go. and of tom? he's more then welcome to join me. i want him to. i do not want to leave him like david left me. i do not want to leave him like i left bryan. i want to show him the world. i want him to show me the world. i want to show each other the world.
but i do also want to be alone.
i do also want to be independent and strong.
(on the 17th i'll have had consecutive boyfriends for four years)
i do not want to be stubborn.
i do not want to be selfish.
i do not want to be close minded.
i do not want tom to live with the fear of losing me.
that is the same fear i had the whole time i was with david. perpetual fear that he would leave me. and he did. he needed to. and i think i needed him to as well. i needed to see that it could be done, that we both would survive and be ok.
relationships are hard! the hardest thing indeed.
i watch you sitting out side on your moms new blue compost container. i watch you from inside your room. you write painstakingly slow and carefully.
you write like i talk and i write like you talk.
i want to tell you everything. i want to show you everything i've ever written.
i want to tell you how much my zits fucking kill me.