(no subject)
people are starting to piss me off. how lately everything seems so damn superficial and..well just empty i guess. like nothing anyone's doing is for a reason or for anything important. this is so general and no one probably understands what im saying but whatever.
this valentines day was terrible for me.
and it makes me angry because for some far-away reason i thought it would be amazing?
dont ask me why; i dont know. and this time i wasnt superimposing anything. i went with it. and IT happened to be extremely forward and right in front of my face. still, i was doubtful but everyone i talked to told me to just basically accept the good and stop being so lame about it. turns out i was right.
to top it all off: after my wonderful humiliating debocle with mack i realized it would have been mine and alexs one year today. it made me really upset. i dont know why i care about it anymore. actually its puzzling to me..
on the subject of alex: i give up trying to say how i feel through petty hints and such, so im going to just say it plainly. over the past couple of weeks [maybe a month or so], ive been thinking about it alot. just..how i still do miss him. i had this talk with someone very close to me who said, "if its meant to happen, then it will." this sparked something in me..and as much as i didnt want to, i couldnt stop milling this over. i do miss him, and the truth it i havent liked anyone as much as i liked him. i wish we were friends again, and i wish hed stop being mad at me. i loved him. and its hard to cut someone out like that...
i hate the word depressed, so today im going to describe myself as:
discouraged
angry
upset
contemplative
crushed
worried
helpless
confused
fucked
[/rant]
this valentines day was terrible for me.
and it makes me angry because for some far-away reason i thought it would be amazing?
dont ask me why; i dont know. and this time i wasnt superimposing anything. i went with it. and IT happened to be extremely forward and right in front of my face. still, i was doubtful but everyone i talked to told me to just basically accept the good and stop being so lame about it. turns out i was right.
to top it all off: after my wonderful humiliating debocle with mack i realized it would have been mine and alexs one year today. it made me really upset. i dont know why i care about it anymore. actually its puzzling to me..
on the subject of alex: i give up trying to say how i feel through petty hints and such, so im going to just say it plainly. over the past couple of weeks [maybe a month or so], ive been thinking about it alot. just..how i still do miss him. i had this talk with someone very close to me who said, "if its meant to happen, then it will." this sparked something in me..and as much as i didnt want to, i couldnt stop milling this over. i do miss him, and the truth it i havent liked anyone as much as i liked him. i wish we were friends again, and i wish hed stop being mad at me. i loved him. and its hard to cut someone out like that...
i hate the word depressed, so today im going to describe myself as:
discouraged
angry
upset
contemplative
crushed
worried
helpless
confused
fucked
[/rant]