friendzoned!
Let's dissect why the so-called "friend zone" isn't actually a thing that exists. If you're not familiar with the concept, the "friend zone" is a theoretical place where a woman places a man who is attracted to her, but to whom she is not attracted. It's important to be aware that this is a term often used pretty bitterly by a guy: "I got friend-zoned by that bitch." Just for fun, and because I'm moving back to Texas in a few hours and am having trouble falling back asleep, I'd like to destroy this myth once and for all. And, of course, by "once and for all" I mean "for the three people who still read the LiveJournal I haven't updated regularly since 2007."
Here are, to the best of my knowledge, the scenarios in which a person might use the term.
#1: A man and a woman are genuinely friends who enjoy each other's company.
It should be noted - nobody uses the word "friend zone" to describe this situation. This is just friendship, and nobody is being hurt, so there's none of the bitterness typically associated with the term. Conclusion: no friend zone.
#2: A man is attracted to a female friend. He has failed to make any romantic overtures toward her, and she continues to operate under the assumption that they are genuinely friends.
This situation is often described as being "friend-zoned", as if all women are supposed to be mind-readers. If you haven't indicated to her that you would like to do the intercourse with her, she has not "friend-zoned" you. You have masturbation-zoned yourself. Conclusion: no friend zone.
#3: A man has indicated his romantic interest to a woman, and she has declined to reciprocate.
Well done! You've actually scrounged up enough courage to ask a woman on a date. But she doesn't think of you that way. OH NOES YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDZONED, WHAT A BITCH. News flash, asshole: a woman is under no obligation to find you attractive. This is perhaps the bitterest of the friend-zone claims, and it's really inexplicable.
If you ask a woman out and she says no, really the following are your only legitimate options:
a) you can decide you don't think it's a good idea for you to spend a lot of time with a woman to whom you are attracted, if she's not attracted to you. This may be a good option if you've only recently met her.
b) you can decide that your friendship is more important, since you really value it, and continue being friends. Admittedly can be difficult.
c) you can swallow your sadness and keep spending a lot of time with the woman in question, constantly hoping that she'll reconsider you as a romantic prospect. In this particular scenario, you probably don't actually value her friendship very much. This is the only scenario of the three in which a man would describe himself as "friend-zoned", since Man A is an adult and Man B is a legitimately nice guy.
Since Man C is a loser who's only in his particular situation because it's his own damn fault, Man C has no legitimate claim to being friend-zoned. Conclusion: no friend zone.
#4: A man has indicated his romantic interest to a woman, and she has declined to reciprocate. Instead of deciding to either genuinely enjoy her friendship, or deciding he can't be "just friends" with a woman to whom he is powerfully attracted and moving on with his life, the man keeps himself involved in the woman's life under the pretense of just being her friend, while constantly hoping she'll have some sort of epiphany that the man she REALLY wants is her unattractive friend who hangs around her all the time and offers her emotional support and basically tries to play the role of the boyfriend, except she's still not attracted to him and didn't she make that clear when she didn't want to go out with him when he first asked, and then two years later he blows up at her because he feels like he's been putting in all this WORK and doesn't he DESERVE to get laid by now and gah she's been dating all these JERKS and he's such a NICE GUY and you can tell how nice he's been by the way he's been hanging out with her under false pretenses for all this time and jeez what's wrong with WOMEN, AMIRITE.
This hardly needs clarification, but this isn't being friend-zoned. It's you being an idiot and a failure. Best of luck with that.
And that's why the friendzone doesn't exist! Ta da.
Here are, to the best of my knowledge, the scenarios in which a person might use the term.
#1: A man and a woman are genuinely friends who enjoy each other's company.
It should be noted - nobody uses the word "friend zone" to describe this situation. This is just friendship, and nobody is being hurt, so there's none of the bitterness typically associated with the term. Conclusion: no friend zone.
#2: A man is attracted to a female friend. He has failed to make any romantic overtures toward her, and she continues to operate under the assumption that they are genuinely friends.
This situation is often described as being "friend-zoned", as if all women are supposed to be mind-readers. If you haven't indicated to her that you would like to do the intercourse with her, she has not "friend-zoned" you. You have masturbation-zoned yourself. Conclusion: no friend zone.
#3: A man has indicated his romantic interest to a woman, and she has declined to reciprocate.
Well done! You've actually scrounged up enough courage to ask a woman on a date. But she doesn't think of you that way. OH NOES YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDZONED, WHAT A BITCH. News flash, asshole: a woman is under no obligation to find you attractive. This is perhaps the bitterest of the friend-zone claims, and it's really inexplicable.
If you ask a woman out and she says no, really the following are your only legitimate options:
a) you can decide you don't think it's a good idea for you to spend a lot of time with a woman to whom you are attracted, if she's not attracted to you. This may be a good option if you've only recently met her.
b) you can decide that your friendship is more important, since you really value it, and continue being friends. Admittedly can be difficult.
c) you can swallow your sadness and keep spending a lot of time with the woman in question, constantly hoping that she'll reconsider you as a romantic prospect. In this particular scenario, you probably don't actually value her friendship very much. This is the only scenario of the three in which a man would describe himself as "friend-zoned", since Man A is an adult and Man B is a legitimately nice guy.
Since Man C is a loser who's only in his particular situation because it's his own damn fault, Man C has no legitimate claim to being friend-zoned. Conclusion: no friend zone.
#4: A man has indicated his romantic interest to a woman, and she has declined to reciprocate. Instead of deciding to either genuinely enjoy her friendship, or deciding he can't be "just friends" with a woman to whom he is powerfully attracted and moving on with his life, the man keeps himself involved in the woman's life under the pretense of just being her friend, while constantly hoping she'll have some sort of epiphany that the man she REALLY wants is her unattractive friend who hangs around her all the time and offers her emotional support and basically tries to play the role of the boyfriend, except she's still not attracted to him and didn't she make that clear when she didn't want to go out with him when he first asked, and then two years later he blows up at her because he feels like he's been putting in all this WORK and doesn't he DESERVE to get laid by now and gah she's been dating all these JERKS and he's such a NICE GUY and you can tell how nice he's been by the way he's been hanging out with her under false pretenses for all this time and jeez what's wrong with WOMEN, AMIRITE.
This hardly needs clarification, but this isn't being friend-zoned. It's you being an idiot and a failure. Best of luck with that.
And that's why the friendzone doesn't exist! Ta da.