"The Best Week Ever" A Novel by Tim Lieske
Joe has come to Nashville and left and a good time was had by all parties involved. To sum it up, the week was totally snake. The first of the week was pretty mellow. We sat on my couch, played video games, watched movies and drank beer. One incident worth mentioning during this time period is when Joe encouraged me to try rye whiskey. We resolved to finish the fifth in a single sitting. It was a few sips into it that we realized that it was 101 proof and not 80 like most rye whiskeys. We decided to drive on with the plan...with drunken results.
The real adventures started when we went to Nashville on Thursday. While a great time was had by all parties involved, there will be no photographic evidence of our exploits. While I had remembered to bring my camera I had left the battery on the charger in Clarksville.
We began with a trip to my favorite bar. When we switched from beer to whiskey we lasted an hour before blacking out. Joe got left the bar on his own and got lost and took him over an hour to find the hotel...largely because he didn't remember the name of the hotel. He also forgot his credit card at the bar. I apparently didn't search for Joe, but rather sat at the bar...where I fell asleep. Fortunately Adrian is a sweetheart, woke me up, helped me close my tab, then I can only assume I moved back to the hotel because have no evidence to suggest otherwise. Joe woke up to find the sheets of his bed covered in blood because he had fallen, scraped his elbow, and didn't bother cleaning it or stopping the bleeding before climbing in bed.
Friday was probably the most fun I have ever had in a single night. The only thing I can think of that would top that night would be sleeping with Marissa Miller. We began this auspicious day with a tour of the Makers Mark distillery, cool, but not much to report. We then went to a little hole in the wall called the Basement for a show. It was literally in the basement of the owner's record store. When we entered the small establishment there was a band playing...with kids (like 10 years old) singing...not quite the scene we were looking for. We buy a beer and stick around to see if things get less weird. It is apparent that everyone there knows each other, turns out we had stumbled on a private Christmas party for the YMCA employees...oops.
We begin talking to the owner of the place and he said Metalica played at his place a few months ago. I called him on it and he produced a youtube video that was in fact Metalica playing in his basement.
The opening band was the Alcohol Stuntband. Bad music, but they put on a good show. Following them was Totaly Snake, by the time the got on stage they were hammered. They had passed out lyric sheets, and after the first song they asked everyone to come on stage and sing with them, so the whole bar crammed around the plethora of microphones. Every song in this band's library had at least one line of "THAT'S TOTALLY SNAKE!" in all caps.
The band played but even with a lyrics sheet no one knew what to sing. Joe didn't even know what song we were on. About halfway through the set Joe informs me that "the secret to singing backup vocals for Totally Snake involves screaming 'FUCK YOU' as loud as you can into the mic." So Joe and I are on stage screaming "fuck you" as loud as we can into a microphone. We then shared our knowledge with everyone we could corner long enough to inform them of this. By the end of the show we had about 2 microphones of people screaming "fuck you!"
Once the band finsihed everyone cleared out in a hurry. We stayed behind and talked to the bartenders while they cleaned up. They gave us free drinks and t-shirts. Plus they had all the hats left at the bar hanging behind it, so when I asked they gave me a couple hats, all of them alcohol related.
Now was the hard part, the walk to the hotel. We stumbled it, sober it takes about 45 minutes. Surprisingly the trip went really well, until about a block from the hotel. Joe lacked the coordination to move around a car that was stopped at a stoplight, so Joe toppled headfirst into the side of this car and falls in the street.
Saturday. We began Saturday touring the local Nashville Breweries. The best one was Yazoo, which is a commercial micro brewery so some of you may be able to find their beer.
We then went to a predators game and their the flask of whiskey combined with the continuous drinking of beer led to me not remembering much of the game except that the predators won.
Once again we went to Buffalo Billiards. There was a sex store that set up a booth at the bar, basically trying to spread awarness of their business. One of the girls working the booth was really good looking. It took some goading from Joe but I finally did approach her. This was the sexiest woman I have ever talked to in my life. While she was definately good looking, her voice and the way she smelled top a long list of reassons. Bottom line it was intoxicating, I couldn't think of what to say, I was a bumbling idiot. My going to talk to her interupted the shuffle board game Joe and I was playing, so evetually she mentions I should maybe go keep him company. She also mentions that I should come talk to her in a little bit...but they were leaving soon. Ok, I've heard this one before, thanks for your time hun.
We go back to the group and are shooting pool and I put her out of sight (literally) and mind. After a little while she walks over to our table, explains she is leaving, and gave me a card with her number on it and asked me to call her sometime soon. I'm pretty sure the whole time my jaw was hanging open and eyes bugging out. I have no way of seeing my face to know, but all of my friends had that expression on their faces, so I imagine that I shared a similar look of shock and awe.
P.S. While it's clear she works at a sex store, she also claims she tends bar partime...This woman works in my two favorite activities! I think she is the one.
Nothing else of note happened that night.
Sunday comes and time to take Joe to the airport. We figured this is the best for our health. Joe didn't have a pair of pants that weren't covered in his own blood and vomit. We both had sore throats and the beginnings of colds from walking around Nashville relying on a beer sweater to keep us warm because we didn't want to drag our coats to the bars. Both of us were noticably shaking. So we said our tearful goodbyes and went our separate ways with the knowledge that this weekend was totaly snake.
The real adventures started when we went to Nashville on Thursday. While a great time was had by all parties involved, there will be no photographic evidence of our exploits. While I had remembered to bring my camera I had left the battery on the charger in Clarksville.
We began with a trip to my favorite bar. When we switched from beer to whiskey we lasted an hour before blacking out. Joe got left the bar on his own and got lost and took him over an hour to find the hotel...largely because he didn't remember the name of the hotel. He also forgot his credit card at the bar. I apparently didn't search for Joe, but rather sat at the bar...where I fell asleep. Fortunately Adrian is a sweetheart, woke me up, helped me close my tab, then I can only assume I moved back to the hotel because have no evidence to suggest otherwise. Joe woke up to find the sheets of his bed covered in blood because he had fallen, scraped his elbow, and didn't bother cleaning it or stopping the bleeding before climbing in bed.
Friday was probably the most fun I have ever had in a single night. The only thing I can think of that would top that night would be sleeping with Marissa Miller. We began this auspicious day with a tour of the Makers Mark distillery, cool, but not much to report. We then went to a little hole in the wall called the Basement for a show. It was literally in the basement of the owner's record store. When we entered the small establishment there was a band playing...with kids (like 10 years old) singing...not quite the scene we were looking for. We buy a beer and stick around to see if things get less weird. It is apparent that everyone there knows each other, turns out we had stumbled on a private Christmas party for the YMCA employees...oops.
We begin talking to the owner of the place and he said Metalica played at his place a few months ago. I called him on it and he produced a youtube video that was in fact Metalica playing in his basement.
The opening band was the Alcohol Stuntband. Bad music, but they put on a good show. Following them was Totaly Snake, by the time the got on stage they were hammered. They had passed out lyric sheets, and after the first song they asked everyone to come on stage and sing with them, so the whole bar crammed around the plethora of microphones. Every song in this band's library had at least one line of "THAT'S TOTALLY SNAKE!" in all caps.
The band played but even with a lyrics sheet no one knew what to sing. Joe didn't even know what song we were on. About halfway through the set Joe informs me that "the secret to singing backup vocals for Totally Snake involves screaming 'FUCK YOU' as loud as you can into the mic." So Joe and I are on stage screaming "fuck you" as loud as we can into a microphone. We then shared our knowledge with everyone we could corner long enough to inform them of this. By the end of the show we had about 2 microphones of people screaming "fuck you!"
Once the band finsihed everyone cleared out in a hurry. We stayed behind and talked to the bartenders while they cleaned up. They gave us free drinks and t-shirts. Plus they had all the hats left at the bar hanging behind it, so when I asked they gave me a couple hats, all of them alcohol related.
Now was the hard part, the walk to the hotel. We stumbled it, sober it takes about 45 minutes. Surprisingly the trip went really well, until about a block from the hotel. Joe lacked the coordination to move around a car that was stopped at a stoplight, so Joe toppled headfirst into the side of this car and falls in the street.
Saturday. We began Saturday touring the local Nashville Breweries. The best one was Yazoo, which is a commercial micro brewery so some of you may be able to find their beer.
We then went to a predators game and their the flask of whiskey combined with the continuous drinking of beer led to me not remembering much of the game except that the predators won.
Once again we went to Buffalo Billiards. There was a sex store that set up a booth at the bar, basically trying to spread awarness of their business. One of the girls working the booth was really good looking. It took some goading from Joe but I finally did approach her. This was the sexiest woman I have ever talked to in my life. While she was definately good looking, her voice and the way she smelled top a long list of reassons. Bottom line it was intoxicating, I couldn't think of what to say, I was a bumbling idiot. My going to talk to her interupted the shuffle board game Joe and I was playing, so evetually she mentions I should maybe go keep him company. She also mentions that I should come talk to her in a little bit...but they were leaving soon. Ok, I've heard this one before, thanks for your time hun.
We go back to the group and are shooting pool and I put her out of sight (literally) and mind. After a little while she walks over to our table, explains she is leaving, and gave me a card with her number on it and asked me to call her sometime soon. I'm pretty sure the whole time my jaw was hanging open and eyes bugging out. I have no way of seeing my face to know, but all of my friends had that expression on their faces, so I imagine that I shared a similar look of shock and awe.
P.S. While it's clear she works at a sex store, she also claims she tends bar partime...This woman works in my two favorite activities! I think she is the one.
Nothing else of note happened that night.
Sunday comes and time to take Joe to the airport. We figured this is the best for our health. Joe didn't have a pair of pants that weren't covered in his own blood and vomit. We both had sore throats and the beginnings of colds from walking around Nashville relying on a beer sweater to keep us warm because we didn't want to drag our coats to the bars. Both of us were noticably shaking. So we said our tearful goodbyes and went our separate ways with the knowledge that this weekend was totaly snake.