sexting

[moschus]

I let it slip to a male friend that I thought Andrew Weiner is maybe a sex addict.

“Why?”   He immediately seemed on the defensive.  “Just because he was sexting?  Or because he sent a picture of his - nether regions - to this woman?”

Oh my god, I thought, looking at my friend with bemusement.  You have so totally done that.

“Not that

Comments

[karalianne]

I think that believing that 99% of all men cheat on their significant others is halfway (or maybe all the way) to also believing that "it's okay, he couldn't help himself, he's a man." (In regards to many things, from cheating to rape.)

I'm really not prepared to go down that road. Thankfully, I am pretty sure that 99% of the men I know/have known over my lifetime have not and will not cheat on their significant others.

[marlowe1]

Kind of depends on what you call cheating. Would participating in a polyamorous relationship be cheating? Does flirting constitute cheating? Kissing? And does forming a relationship count as cheating? Or prostitutes? Do they count?

I am not going to embrace either 99% as far as men cheating or not cheating. I know that when I was in a relationship that was winding down that I was tempted and actually kissed one girl but went no farther. I felt like I was cheating in a small way but I knew that I would feel worse cheating in a big way. And then on the other hand, there's my dad who was cheating on his wife when he got mom pregnant with me. It's the Don Draper mind-set of the man who has a wife for all the cooking and cleaning and whatever and goes out looking for other women for everything else, but it's still creepy.

[karalianne]

Polyamorous relationships aren't really cheating, if everyone involved is consenting. I mean, some people have "open relationships" where they see other people casually but are in committed relationships with one particular person. If both people in the committed relationship are truly okay with it, is it cheating? (I know of a woman - I don't know her personally, but I have read some things she has written about her life - who is a prostitute and is - or just got - married to a man who must be okay with her being a prostitute, because she seems to be continuing to work in that trade. I don't know if the men who hire her are cheating, but I guess she probably isn't if her husband is okay with it.)

I don't believe that 99% of men cheat on their partners any more than I believe that 99% of them are fully loyal to their partners (I just think I'm lucky in the men I know). I don't believe either case to be true of women, either.

But saying that almost all men cheat on their partners is like saying it's okay, and it isn't.

[moschus]

I think cheating is in the eye of the beholder. There's no blanket definition that serves every individual and/or every situation.

[canadienne29]

True. I was with someone for five years who repeatedly told me that if I even had thoughts about another man, even casual passing thoughts, in his eyes that constituted cheating. To me that seemed extreme and unrealistic.

I do think a lot of people cheat, especially when it's easy to get away with - I work in the classical music industry, and we spend long stretches away from home, like actors on location. A lot of people step out on their spouses who stay home with the children.

[pujaemuss]

I agree with you absolutely. It's sexist in that it ascribes almost all men with reprehensible characteristics and excuses the behaviour in the same breath by calling it a natural man behaviour.

PJW

[moschus]

I agree with you. I think my friend feels that way because she spends a lot of time around wealthy powerful men -- who a) have more opportunity and b) are often more narcissistic (lack empathy/feel entitled) and c) tend to reinforce that behavior in each other. We're all influenced by our friends and our friends' friends...