I know I know I know now, I'm never gonna tell on you.
Please do not repost this to communities. Personal journals are fine.
This is the first of what might be several posts on stuff what I figured out at writercon. I think I'm going to do this instead of a regular con report, because frankly much of the con is an alcohol/caffeine/adrenaline blur now.
At writercon, I learned that I am in New Fandom Glow.
How, you might ask, does someone fall in Glow and not realize it? Much the same way that someone falls in love and doesn't realize it, which of course is one of the classic slash plots. In my case, I realized that my new fandom and I were dating, but I wasn't ready for commitment. Even though Old Fandom and I have never been monogamous, and we've both realized we've grown apart, I wasn't ready to downgrade it from primary fandom status.
To put some labels on this metaphor, and to reassure the people on my flist who are currently freaking out: Old Fandom is the figure skating. New Fandom is the American Idol RPF, especially Adam Lambert and Kris/Adam. I'm still totally gonna be writing the skating fic; I'm working on one right now. It's not like when I broke up with Firefly and threw a big tantrum and changed my locks and filed a restraining order. I love my skaters and my skating fandom friends and my ice!squee. That is not going away. You can hold me to that. Especially because the fic in progress is Tanith/Brooke/strap-on, and there is no way I am going to deprive fandom of that mental image.
But Kradam and I are in love. It's a weird kind of love, because Kradam isn't really my type. Most of my past fandoms have been ensemble gigs: I've loved the whole cast of characters. In this case, I'm really fixated on two people, and boy does it make my politics itch that both of them are white men. Still, knowing myself and the way I write, I'm sure there will be lots of Allison and Anoop and even Katy, especially as I absorb more of the canon.
Also, in my past primary fandoms, I've really loved the source text. When I was writing Firefly, that was because Firefly is excellent. I love ER and skating in an ironic camp way, but those also have flashes of brilliance. The problem with AI is, I really hate most of the music. Adam's voice is amazing, and Kris's "Heartless" gives me chills, but mostly, major-label American pop music is not what does it for me. Going steady with AI fandom is killing my indie cred, and that kind of hurts.
But when I got up on stage for the sexism and language panel that I moderated at Writercon, it became clear that I was going to have to out myself. I wanted to talk about Kradam because it illustrates so much of what I wanted to talk about. The fandom is fabulous in its embrace of queerness, and it's a great example of how gendered language shifts when you're writing about people who are consciously flouting gender norms. (Not just Adam, btw -- I think Kris does too, and that's another post.) But it also brings out fandom's ugly self-hating misogynist side when it turns Katy Allen into an oppressive bitchbeast or simply erases her in a puff of slash fantasy. It reinforces that silly slash trope in which the shorter, blonder, younger guy is always on the bottom, even when he's Kris Goddamned Allen. AI fandom has issues, and I wanted to show you them.
As I was talking about those issues to an audience of 100+ fangirls and 5 or 6 fanboys, I realized that I was in love with this fandom. That if I hadn't been, I wouldn't have brought it up. That when people asked me what fandom I was in now, this was really the answer, even though I haven't posted any fic yet. That my first fic post is imminent: it's in my notebook, and I have one more scene to write. It's scaring me a little.
I love the glitter and the eyeliner and the tight leather. I love that I get to write more tour bus fic. I love how they flirt on purpose to make the fangirls squee. I love Kris Allen's wee little face. I love that Adam Lambert stole my hair. I love that they are completely fucking hot together. I am hooked on the Kradam crack, and I don't care who knows it.
My apologies to anyone who was still hoping I was going to join the Trek Reboot bandwagon.
It seems appropriate to advertise this here: due to some failures of communication, thistle90 and I miiiight have two extra tickets to the American Idol live show in Hartford on 8/16. Inquire within.
This is the first of what might be several posts on stuff what I figured out at writercon. I think I'm going to do this instead of a regular con report, because frankly much of the con is an alcohol/caffeine/adrenaline blur now.
At writercon, I learned that I am in New Fandom Glow.
How, you might ask, does someone fall in Glow and not realize it? Much the same way that someone falls in love and doesn't realize it, which of course is one of the classic slash plots. In my case, I realized that my new fandom and I were dating, but I wasn't ready for commitment. Even though Old Fandom and I have never been monogamous, and we've both realized we've grown apart, I wasn't ready to downgrade it from primary fandom status.
To put some labels on this metaphor, and to reassure the people on my flist who are currently freaking out: Old Fandom is the figure skating. New Fandom is the American Idol RPF, especially Adam Lambert and Kris/Adam. I'm still totally gonna be writing the skating fic; I'm working on one right now. It's not like when I broke up with Firefly and threw a big tantrum and changed my locks and filed a restraining order. I love my skaters and my skating fandom friends and my ice!squee. That is not going away. You can hold me to that. Especially because the fic in progress is Tanith/Brooke/strap-on, and there is no way I am going to deprive fandom of that mental image.
But Kradam and I are in love. It's a weird kind of love, because Kradam isn't really my type. Most of my past fandoms have been ensemble gigs: I've loved the whole cast of characters. In this case, I'm really fixated on two people, and boy does it make my politics itch that both of them are white men. Still, knowing myself and the way I write, I'm sure there will be lots of Allison and Anoop and even Katy, especially as I absorb more of the canon.
Also, in my past primary fandoms, I've really loved the source text. When I was writing Firefly, that was because Firefly is excellent. I love ER and skating in an ironic camp way, but those also have flashes of brilliance. The problem with AI is, I really hate most of the music. Adam's voice is amazing, and Kris's "Heartless" gives me chills, but mostly, major-label American pop music is not what does it for me. Going steady with AI fandom is killing my indie cred, and that kind of hurts.
But when I got up on stage for the sexism and language panel that I moderated at Writercon, it became clear that I was going to have to out myself. I wanted to talk about Kradam because it illustrates so much of what I wanted to talk about. The fandom is fabulous in its embrace of queerness, and it's a great example of how gendered language shifts when you're writing about people who are consciously flouting gender norms. (Not just Adam, btw -- I think Kris does too, and that's another post.) But it also brings out fandom's ugly self-hating misogynist side when it turns Katy Allen into an oppressive bitchbeast or simply erases her in a puff of slash fantasy. It reinforces that silly slash trope in which the shorter, blonder, younger guy is always on the bottom, even when he's Kris Goddamned Allen. AI fandom has issues, and I wanted to show you them.
As I was talking about those issues to an audience of 100+ fangirls and 5 or 6 fanboys, I realized that I was in love with this fandom. That if I hadn't been, I wouldn't have brought it up. That when people asked me what fandom I was in now, this was really the answer, even though I haven't posted any fic yet. That my first fic post is imminent: it's in my notebook, and I have one more scene to write. It's scaring me a little.
I love the glitter and the eyeliner and the tight leather. I love that I get to write more tour bus fic. I love how they flirt on purpose to make the fangirls squee. I love Kris Allen's wee little face. I love that Adam Lambert stole my hair. I love that they are completely fucking hot together. I am hooked on the Kradam crack, and I don't care who knows it.
My apologies to anyone who was still hoping I was going to join the Trek Reboot bandwagon.
It seems appropriate to advertise this here: due to some failures of communication, thistle90 and I miiiight have two extra tickets to the American Idol live show in Hartford on 8/16. Inquire within.