Maybe I'm just too demanding.
First three five things ficlets! Parse that sentence, win a cookie.
Five things Mal doesn't know about Jayne, for mireille719:
1. Names all his guns after folks he's laid down with. Got into the habit so he wouldn't forget their names.
2. Is still sore that Petunia, the girl, made off with Ralph, the semi-auto sniper rifle, because that was a damn fine gun and a ruttin' awful blow job.
3. Don't much care who's giving the blow job, so long as it's being done well.
4. Reckons Mal would do it real well.
5. Don't plan on saying nothing about that 'til he gets himself a gun worthy of Mal's name.
*
Five things Todd from Survivor China doesn't know about Courtney, for fox1013:
1. She has thought about doing other things with her life, real things that were her whole reason for moving to New York, but she cannot think of anything besides waitressing that will let her sit around in bars and say nasty things about people and then sleep through the entire morning. Definitely, not any job where she would make this much in tips.
2. She listens to him talk about how he hasn't decided what to do with his million dollars or his life yet, and she says mm-hmm and nods because she is always thinking, come to New York, sweetie, there's all kinds of things to do here.
3. One of the reasons she wants him to come to New York is because then she could kick out her roommate, the one who comes home at 6 in the morning (which is sleepytime!) with her tall, stinky boyfriend and has loud, stinky sex on the living room sofa, so now there are semen stains on the sofa. Maybe they could get a nicer place. They could get a nicer sofa, at least, and Todd would have clean boyfriends who could keep it in their pants all the way to his bedroom.
4. Sometimes she wishes she were a gay guy, or Todd were straight. Or even better, that they were both lesbians, because then they would both have to change. But she doesn't, because their friendship will last longer than their relationship would.
5. As miserable as she was, she misses having an island all to themselves. Manhattan is an island, too. They can't have it to themselves or win a million dollars for living there, or vote people off, but they can get Chinese food at 2 in the morning, so it's an okay trade-off. Sometimes when it's quiet and the kitchen faucet is dripping, her apartment feels like an island that's all hers. But who wants to be completely alone on an island? Nobody.
*
Five things Johnny Weir doesn't know about Ben Agosto, for jule1122.
1. He got Tanith to pull out of Four Continents, even though it would be an easy win and neither of them are injured.
2. He did this so he could have hot sex with Johnny just once before Worlds. And tell everyone he is "training really hard." Is "really hard" ever not code for gay sex? In the figure skating world? Ben cannot think of an example.
3. Ben has already bought the plane ticket. His flight leaves early tomorrow morning.
4. Paris knows all about this. He's made plans to stay somewhere else for the weekend. Paris approves of Ben more than Johnny knows, and he's not jealous, although he feels he should be.
5. Ben will show up at the door without a gift, not because he didn't want to get one, but because he didn't know what to buy. Johnny's taste is hard to predict, and Ben can't afford him anyway. Johnny will be exfoliating, so he won't answer the door at first, so Ben will have to call him, and Johnny will be embarrassed for making Ben stand out in the cold and for having stuff on his face and for answering the door in nothing but a towel, but he shouldn't have worried, because Ben didn't notice the cold, and Johnny is still cute with stuff on his face, and the only bad thing about that towel is that it is around Johnny's waist and not on the floor.
Five things Mal doesn't know about Jayne, for mireille719:
1. Names all his guns after folks he's laid down with. Got into the habit so he wouldn't forget their names.
2. Is still sore that Petunia, the girl, made off with Ralph, the semi-auto sniper rifle, because that was a damn fine gun and a ruttin' awful blow job.
3. Don't much care who's giving the blow job, so long as it's being done well.
4. Reckons Mal would do it real well.
5. Don't plan on saying nothing about that 'til he gets himself a gun worthy of Mal's name.
*
Five things Todd from Survivor China doesn't know about Courtney, for fox1013:
1. She has thought about doing other things with her life, real things that were her whole reason for moving to New York, but she cannot think of anything besides waitressing that will let her sit around in bars and say nasty things about people and then sleep through the entire morning. Definitely, not any job where she would make this much in tips.
2. She listens to him talk about how he hasn't decided what to do with his million dollars or his life yet, and she says mm-hmm and nods because she is always thinking, come to New York, sweetie, there's all kinds of things to do here.
3. One of the reasons she wants him to come to New York is because then she could kick out her roommate, the one who comes home at 6 in the morning (which is sleepytime!) with her tall, stinky boyfriend and has loud, stinky sex on the living room sofa, so now there are semen stains on the sofa. Maybe they could get a nicer place. They could get a nicer sofa, at least, and Todd would have clean boyfriends who could keep it in their pants all the way to his bedroom.
4. Sometimes she wishes she were a gay guy, or Todd were straight. Or even better, that they were both lesbians, because then they would both have to change. But she doesn't, because their friendship will last longer than their relationship would.
5. As miserable as she was, she misses having an island all to themselves. Manhattan is an island, too. They can't have it to themselves or win a million dollars for living there, or vote people off, but they can get Chinese food at 2 in the morning, so it's an okay trade-off. Sometimes when it's quiet and the kitchen faucet is dripping, her apartment feels like an island that's all hers. But who wants to be completely alone on an island? Nobody.
*
Five things Johnny Weir doesn't know about Ben Agosto, for jule1122.
1. He got Tanith to pull out of Four Continents, even though it would be an easy win and neither of them are injured.
2. He did this so he could have hot sex with Johnny just once before Worlds. And tell everyone he is "training really hard." Is "really hard" ever not code for gay sex? In the figure skating world? Ben cannot think of an example.
3. Ben has already bought the plane ticket. His flight leaves early tomorrow morning.
4. Paris knows all about this. He's made plans to stay somewhere else for the weekend. Paris approves of Ben more than Johnny knows, and he's not jealous, although he feels he should be.
5. Ben will show up at the door without a gift, not because he didn't want to get one, but because he didn't know what to buy. Johnny's taste is hard to predict, and Ben can't afford him anyway. Johnny will be exfoliating, so he won't answer the door at first, so Ben will have to call him, and Johnny will be embarrassed for making Ben stand out in the cold and for having stuff on his face and for answering the door in nothing but a towel, but he shouldn't have worried, because Ben didn't notice the cold, and Johnny is still cute with stuff on his face, and the only bad thing about that towel is that it is around Johnny's waist and not on the floor.