Fic: Shone a Light and Called It a Star (Firefly, Mal/Jayne)

[mosca]

First: femslash06. Because one woman is sexy, but two women are double sexy.

And now, the thing where two men are also double sexy.

Title: Shone a Light and Called It a Star
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Mal/Jayne
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers/Continuity: Takes place during and after SerenitySummary: Jayne's mind ain't been settled since they left Miranda, and this

Comments

[van]

I will never, ever get tired of your fics. I see them and just drop everything I'm doing and read. They're like water to a parched man and this was no exception. I generally don't enjoy fics written really strongly from the POV of just one characters, because generally they fail somewhere along the way and become sluggish or unrealistic, or just stop being POV for no reason but you pulled it off quite beautifully -- better than I've seen done anywhere else.

And, of course, you handle these two boys in such a fantastic way. Sometimes I feel if I've read one Mal/Jayne fic, I've read them all but you always manage to take these two and twist them into a new light, and a new story and make it work. The dynamics between them never feel cliché or overdone, and they don't even harken back on other fics about them you've written. It always feels fresh and newly discovered. I can always sink my teeth in your Mal/Jayne and come away feeling like I've learned the characters better.

I love that when Jayne came, he didn't say anything because nothing needed to be said. I love that Jayne sat beside Book's grave instead of Wash's . . . because although I love Wash, that feels very much like Jayne. He had a respect for Book that I don't think anyone else on the boat quite carried.

I like that you didn't make River the pilot and you hired someone else. (I wish you'd detailed him a little more, he sounded quite interesting.) I like Jayne's reaction to him -- and I wondered, since he's taller than Jayne, if you were implying anything with the height-talk between Mal and Jayne later on.

I loved the house-building bit. And although I was sad that Jayne didn't tell Mal about how he could build houses, I was happy that he didn't, too, because it was Jayne. In the end, he sort of told him, anyway.

When Jayne said "Grenades" it seriously tugged at my heart strings.

Anyway. Thank you.

[mosca]

Thank you so much for sending such rich and detailed feedback. I'm so flattered that you took the time to write this much, and it's such a pleasure to see a reader go into depth about her reactions. I found your reflections especially valuable because you've hit upon a lot of the things that I work really hard to accomplish. I hear my characters' voices vividly in my mind as I write, so it's hard for me to conceive of telling their stories outside of their voices. At the same time, it's quite difficult to maintain those voices consistently and to translate them into prose; I'm glad to hear it's working for you. I also do make an effort to tell a different story each time, even if I'm writing a pairing that I've written before. I sometimes wonder if anyone notices that, other than my beta readers, so thank you for confirming it.

I like that you didn't make River the pilot and you hired someone else. (I wish you'd detailed him a little more, he sounded quite interesting.)

I understand other writers' desire to leave the crew "intact" somehow, but it strikes me as impractical to make River a full-time pilot. I would have loved to explore Heron more thoroughly, but I'm very wary of letting original characters overwhelm a story. Certainly, I've got more of him in my head. He might show up again, elsewhere, since you're not the only one who seems to have taken a shine to him.

I wondered, since he's taller than Jayne, if you were implying anything with the height-talk between Mal and Jayne later on.

I didn't notice the connection when I wrote the first draft, but I'll admit to having played it up in editing.

Again, thank you so much for your comments. I'm waiting eagerly for you to finish your Mal/Wash epic: my brain is way too full of holes to read WIPs while they're still in progress, so I'm looking forward to spending a snowy weekend afternoon with it.

[van]

I can say that, as a writer myself, I get absolutely tickled pink when a reader picks up on the little things I insert into my fics and then tells me that he or she saw them and were pleased. I've been in fandoms where I could write a direct Romeo and Juliet parody and it would completely go over the reader's heads. I've discovered that Firefly fans seem to have a keener sense to see those nuisances I put in, and so it only seems fair that if I see something that particularlly stands out to me, I should note it. Hence why you got a nice review. I really love your Mal/Jayne stories, too, and you should know that. Largely because good feedback is what fuels writers and I don't want you to ever stop writing these two. *laughs*

I couldn't write my stories from the POV of just one character. (I've done it, in the past, and it's been extremely difficult for me.) On top of that, often I read fics that are written in a Firefly dialect, where it simply doesn't work. But although you wrote from Jayne's POV you didn't drop to his speech in the story. (i.e. you didn't write something like, "He figgered out that there were no place in the 'verse better 'n' Mal's bunk" but you still managed to convince the reader that it was Jayne's thoughts and views we were seeing -- that's a very hard balance to achieve and I've almost never seen it done properly in this fandom. So, super kudos to you, for that.)

I understand the need to keep the crew intact too, especially in fanfiction, but it does make sense that they would hire a new pilot. I largely got the impression that River has fulfilling her "job" on the ship being just the reader and that the piloting thing was to be temporary, at best. But, on the other hand, you do get the danger of introducing a new character and potentially having him or her take over the progress of the story. I think you overcomensated just a little with Heron: I believe Jayne would have largely ignored him (which would explain why we see so little of him) but I also think that, to some degree, he would have tested him out, a little more thoroughly, to see where they stood with each other. Anyway, he seemed to be an intriguing character, and one I'd like to see expanded, someday. Especially, perhaps, from Zoe's POV. Jayne doesn't much see a problem with replacing the pilot, but I think she might.

I've seen other stories, set many years in the future, where all of the same crew is still on Serenity and generally they don't ring true to me. Post-Serenity fics seem to pull it off a little better, working with canon as they do, but some I've read, written prior to the release of the movie, have more or less perfectly happy families on the boat, five to ten years after the end of the TV series. Joss wouldn't do that and so it feels fake to me. To that end alone, I enjoyed your choice to hire a new pilot.

And, I'm flattered you're interested in reading my Wash epic. (I've gotten the impression, in the past, that you were not a big fan of Wash, although this is based only on instinct and nothing I read.) It should be finished by the end of this month, and therefore hopefully long before your snowy winter is passed . (Although, I suppose, that depends on where you live.)

Thanks for a great reply to my review. :) Keep writing! :D

[mosca]

I've been in fandoms where I could write a direct Romeo and Juliet parody and it would completely go over the reader's heads.

Dude, tell me about it. I, um, there was one fic where I quoted William Carlos Williams? I think I can leave the rest to your imagination.

Largely because good feedback is what fuels writers and I don't want you to ever stop writing these two.

Okay, I'm the only person in fandom that's not true of. Fueled by my own ambition and impossible standards, I am. But I do appreciate thoughtful feedback.

you still managed to convince the reader that it was Jayne's thoughts and views we were seeing

Thank you. I try to strike a balance, you know? I've had long circular conversations with my betas that go, "Change it to this word." "But Jayne doesn't *know* that word." With Jayne in particular, I think a big part of it is staying within his vocabulary, his frame of reference. And that's true for everybody: I read fic where Simon is dropping "ain't"s and f-bombs, and I get the same feeling.

I think you overcompensated just a little with Heron

Yeah, I played it a little safer than I might have.

Someday, deeply friendslocked, I will post the story where Jolene, Ralley, Roxanna, and Heron meet. And any other OCs I pick up along the way.

I've seen other stories, set many years in the future, where all of the same crew is still on Serenity and generally they don't ring true to me.

Me neither. I feel like I keep saying this over and over, but life in the Fireflyverse is nasty, brutish, and short. I will never write a sequel to "Alphabet" because I assumed, when writing it, that at least one of them dies within a few years of the ending. I was amazed to glean from the feedback that not everyone else inferred this.

Besides, Joss is notorious for cycling characters in and out. On BtVS, the Scooby Gang changed every year, and there were often character deaths involved in those changes.

I've gotten the impression, in the past, that you were not a big fan of Wash, although this is based only on instinct and nothing I read.

I'm very fond of Wash, and I wrote a trio of sweet little Zoe/Wash fics last year. I'm extremely wary of other Wash pairings -- it's very hard for me to get past my fondness for Zoe/Wash, not least because it reminds me of my RL partnership. But as is true with many things, I will make exceptions for writers I like.