(no subject)

[mortigi_tempo]

cleaning out my old bedroom.
i found a poetry hand-out from high school, "the suicide's room" by the polish poet wislawa syzmborska
on it i had written:

I am the self-consumer of my woes,
salty lumps of dry bread and cured meat
washed down in a flood of carbonated corn syrup

...i thought, i couldn't have possibly come up with that first line myself, and it's true, i didn't. google led me to this:

I Am

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

John Clare

(oooh the angst!)