the mime gag
Click to viewBack in the fall of '05, during my first semester at Hampshire, I took a course in Film/Video Installation. For my final project I decided to blend two of my current interests: living statuary and bondage modeling. I wanted to address the ideas of bondage as something imposed on me by another person (actual, physical, ropes & chains) and as a condition I can will upon myself (standing completely still for hours on end, moving only for tips from passerby). The plan was to shoot footage of myself bound in a lot of physical restraints, struggling intensely. For my presentation I would screen this video on a television that I would stand on top of as a living statue.
That's not how it turned out. I shot the video with my then-fuckbuddy, a man who runs two bondage websites. It was damn elaborate: he rigged up a whole web of ropes that I was stuck in. I wore statue makeup and a ball gag. The set-up worked, but when I watched the footage, I fucking hated it. I guess vanity got the better of me...I remember thinking that I looked completely insane, fat, hideous, and disgusting.
So we shot another video. A simpler one. It showed me putting on statue makeup, white tights, and again a ball gag. I added samples of Dresden Dolls music and a really, REALLY irritatingly angsty monologue about some of my anxiety surrounding statuing (I'm selling my body, I once pulled up my skirt for $5, that girl in Providence was right to call me a nasty ho, etcetera). I can't listen to that shit now. I gave my presentation standing with my legs straddling the monitor because it couldn't hold my weight.
The video sat around in my computer for 2 1/2 years, silently shaming me. Today, a moderator of the LJ community cirque_enciel put out a call for photos & videos depicting the process of applying mime makeup. What better way to waste a stormy afternoon? I'm glad the footage is finally being put to a more suitable use than "OH FUCK I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING ME". It's almost funny, now!