a present for carrie :)
Untitled
Author: moi
Rating: NC-17
pairing: ville/jussi. no trace of vam in this one. sorry!
Disclaimer: don't know, don't own, never happened
Warnings: Cutting and schizophrenia in this one.
Author's notes: for my life partner cazrie666.
Ville cursed as the doorbell rang loudly through the house. He had been making his fourth cup of coffee, and had scalded his hand. He ran cold water over his red, aching hand until it had gone numb, then he went to answer the door. What he saw was the last thing he expected. Jussi was standing there, tear streaked and miserable. He looked so lonely, so vulnerable, not unlike a lost kitten…Ville wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulders and gently led him indoors.
He sat him by the fire in his living room, and left to get Jussi and himself some much needed caffeine. When he returned, Jussi had warmed up considerably. The questioning look in Ville’s eyes was all he needed to start talking. “It finally happened, Ville. For 5 years, I’ve heard things no one else could. They told me to do things Ville…Bad things…they wouldn’t leave me alone…”
At that, Jussi choked up with tears, and could no longer speak. This only made the grip the worried Ville had him in tighter, as he pondered what on earth his friend was rambling about. Then Jussi began to speak again, but softly, as though there might be someone else listening “They said- they said the tour bus was bad, Ville…There was no space to breathe, to be alone…They said it should burn…Burn in hell…”
Ville’s eyes widened at Jussi’s words. What did he just say? Who on earth would tell him that? Ville didn’t have time to ponder beyond that. Jussi had begun to speak again. “The thing is, when I torched the tour bus…” Ville’s eyes widened. Jussi had done what?!
“When I torched the tour bus…Bazie was inside…” Ville let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob. “Did he…?” Jussi looked round at him with big, teary eyes. “No, Ville, he didn’t…” Ville was sobbing hard now His shoulders were shaking, and he sounds he was emitting were not like Ville at all. Jussi rubbed his back in small circles until he calmed down slightly.
Ville turned to look at Jussi, who couldn’t meet his intense gaze. “There’s more, isn’t there?” Jussi nodded sadly. “The police are after me Ville. And the voices won’t leave me alone…They want me to show my true feelings for a man…” This startled Ville slightly “He’s an amazing person, but I don’t know if he feels the same way about me…”
The way Jussi was looking at Ville was scaring him…He was slowly edging towards him, but something in his eyes meant Ville couldn’t move. A strange animalistic glint in Jussi’s eye had him paralysed, much like a dear in headlights. “It’s you Ville…You look so good…I bet you taste even better…” With that he softly, tentatively pressed his lips to Ville’s, moaning softly before pulling back to gauge his long time affection’s reaction.
To say that Ville was shocked and surprised would be an understatement. He sat there, open mouthed and staring at the wall in front of him. He quickly composed himself and looked round to Jussi, a mixture of sadness and euphoria in his eyes. “Jussi…I don’t know what to say…”
Jussi’s expression crumpled as tears began to glide slowly down his face. He bit his lip slightly. “You don’t feel the same, do you?” Ville felt his heart swell from the sight before him. He so badly wanted to reach out and take the smaller man into his arms, but he couldn’t. Something was nagging him at the back of his mind…
“These- voices…Do you hear them often?” Jussi looked up, slightly confused. “They don’t go away, Ville. They’re always there…Telling me all the things I’ve done wrong…Telling me what I should do…it’s better to conform to them than to ignore them Ville. Conforming means they leave for a little while. Ignoring them just makes them louder…”
“That’s just it Jussi. How can I tell that you love me, and not just those voices you say you hear in your head?” Jussi started as if he had just been slapped. The hurt in his eyes made Ville regret his words immediately. Tears were now cascading down Jussi’s face as he tried to choke back a sob. “Is that really what you think, Ville? That I don’t love you? That my being here, my doing this, is just because of the goddamn voices in my head?!” As Jussi continued to rant, his voice grew steadily louder, just as Ville’s fear was steadily rising in his chest.
“I bet you don’t even believe me about the voices Ville! You just don’t want to hurt me…” Suddenly Jussi stopped. His eyes brightened slightly, as though he had just had an idea. Ville deigned to think what that idea might entail. “What if I prove my love to you, Ville? What if I show you just how deeply I feel for you?” Ville watched with wide eyes as Jussi pulled a small blade from one of his boots. Slowly, he dragged it across his arm, leaving a crimson trail in its path.
Ville was horrified. A small smile graced Jussi’s plump lips that made him look nothing short of insane. He slowly began to carve ‘I love you Ville’ in his arm, as Ville looked on frozen with fear at his friend’s actions. “Jussi…Please…”
Jussi’s head snapped up. His crimson arm caught his attention, and he began to whimper like a small child, falling to the floor. He began to sob openly now, his shoulders shaking with the force of them. “Please Ville…I love you so much it hurts…The voices have nothing to do with my feelings…Can’t you see it? I would die for you Ville…Die for you…”
As Jussi passed out, Ville snapped out of his horrified stupor on the sofa and grabbed the phone quickly dialling for an ambulance. He ran over to Jussi who was a crumpled mess on the floor. He covered his arm with a cloth from the kitchen, trying and failing miserably to stem the blood flow. He picked him up and began to rock him back and forth. “Please be okay, Jussi…Please…” Ville’s head snapped up at the first sound of sirens. When his doorbell rang, he ran to answer it, Jussi still in his arms.
When the two men at the door saw the state of the small man, they rushed him down to the ambulance as quickly as possible. It was clear from his features that his arm was the least of his problems. Ville insisted he go with Jussi to the hospital and the two men reluctantly agreed. The quicker they got the man to hospital, the better.
They bandaged up his arm quickly, checking his pulse every few minutes. He had lost a worrying amount of blood. When they arrived a the hospital, what seemed like hours later to Ville, Jussi was rushed to intensive care, leaving Ville a nervous wreck in the waiting room, filling out insurance forms.
***
When a doctor finally approached Ville exactly an hour 37 minutes later (Ville had been counting), he had a very serious look of concern on his face. “Mr Valo?” Ville nodded. “Your friend is fine now, in a physical sense, but we are prescribing him different medications for a number of issues Mr Vuori seems to have.” Ville gulped. “Like what, exactly?”
“Like schizophrenia and severe depression. He needs to take his medication on a daily basis or there is a strong chance he will slip back into the unhealthy habits he seems to have been exercising as of late.” Ville thanked him. “Is there any chance I can see him?” The doctor nodded and led him down a long corridor to Jussi’s room.
Ville’s heart fell to pieces at the sight in front of him. Jussi seemed so small, so weak, so pale…He sat down in a rather uncomfortable chair and grabbed Jussi’s hand, whispering softly to him, wishing for everything to be alright.
When Jussi awoke some hours later he sat up, confused and panicked. Ville quickly shushed him, and told him everything was fine. Jussi paused a minute, and looked at Ville. His eyes widened. “What happened? My head is clear…Where did the voices go?” Ville smiled weakly. “They’re gone, Jussi. Just keep taking your medication. Then they’ll never come back.”
Jussi broke into a wide grin, which was such a relief to Ville, considering the night’s events. Speaking of which, Ville regarded Jussi with inquisitive eyes. “Do you remember much of the past few hours, Jussi?” The smaller man frowned. “Not much, no.” Ville grinned. “How about this, then?” He lent forward and placed a chaste kiss on Jussi’s plump, soft lips, much to the smaller man’s surprise and delight. When Ville pulled away from him, Jussi pouted. Ville regarded him with amusement. “Why the face?” Jussi smiled softly. “You pulled away far too soon….”
With that he reached over to Ville and pulled him forward, impatient to taste him again. He nibbled Ville’s bottom lip, causing Ville to moan softly. He slid his tongue into Ville’s mouth, savouring the flavour of the man he so desired. Several minutes later, Ville pulled away from the kiss with a soft smile gracing his features. He looked down at their hands, now interlocked, and sighed.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Jussi. You scared me so much tonight…I-”
“Mr Valo?” The Doctor was standing at the door with two serious looking policemen in tow. He saw Jussi’s eyes grow wide with fear, and squeezed his hand reassuringly. The doctor continued. “These two officers would like a word with you.”
Ville squeezed Jussi’s hand once more before exiting the hospital room and following the two policemen to the waiting room. “We need to ask a few questions about Mr Vuori.” Ville frowned slightly, but maintained his composure. “We know Mr Vuori is guilty of arson and manslaughter-” Ville took a sharp intake of breath, still slightly fragile about the death of his friend. “We need confirmation that he was not mentally stable while committing these offences. If he wasn’t, there will be no charges. We will just take him to a therapist, and keep a close eye on him.”
Ville breathed a sigh of relief. “Jussi came to me after having set fire to the tour bus. He wouldn’t stop talking about these voices in his head. He said they made him do things, and that it was less painful for him to do as they said.” The two men nodded. “Thank you Mr Valo. That’s all we need to know.”
Ville walked back to Jussi’s room and explained everything to him. Jussi was relieved, yet he still felt guilty as hell. Ville held him close, whispering softly, reassuringly to him. “There is one thing though.” Jussi looked up at him expectantly. “I need to make sure you take all your medication…Take a lot of…exercise…” Jussi grinned widely at Ville’s last statement. Yes….Exercise…
“So…” Ville continued “It would make things a lot easier…If you…Moved in with me?” Jussi let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a squeal, which Ville found adorable. “That’s a yes then?” Jussi nodded excitedly, and hugged Ville tightly, although not without difficulty.
Jussi mumbled something into Ville’s shoulder. Ville turned slightly. “What did you say?”
Jussi gazed up at him, pure happiness in his features. “I love you Ville.” Ville smiled widely, and kissed his lips softly. “I love you too…”
tell me what you think!
comments = love :)
Author: moi
Rating: NC-17
pairing: ville/jussi. no trace of vam in this one. sorry!
Disclaimer: don't know, don't own, never happened
Warnings: Cutting and schizophrenia in this one.
Author's notes: for my life partner cazrie666.
Ville cursed as the doorbell rang loudly through the house. He had been making his fourth cup of coffee, and had scalded his hand. He ran cold water over his red, aching hand until it had gone numb, then he went to answer the door. What he saw was the last thing he expected. Jussi was standing there, tear streaked and miserable. He looked so lonely, so vulnerable, not unlike a lost kitten…Ville wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulders and gently led him indoors.
He sat him by the fire in his living room, and left to get Jussi and himself some much needed caffeine. When he returned, Jussi had warmed up considerably. The questioning look in Ville’s eyes was all he needed to start talking. “It finally happened, Ville. For 5 years, I’ve heard things no one else could. They told me to do things Ville…Bad things…they wouldn’t leave me alone…”
At that, Jussi choked up with tears, and could no longer speak. This only made the grip the worried Ville had him in tighter, as he pondered what on earth his friend was rambling about. Then Jussi began to speak again, but softly, as though there might be someone else listening “They said- they said the tour bus was bad, Ville…There was no space to breathe, to be alone…They said it should burn…Burn in hell…”
Ville’s eyes widened at Jussi’s words. What did he just say? Who on earth would tell him that? Ville didn’t have time to ponder beyond that. Jussi had begun to speak again. “The thing is, when I torched the tour bus…” Ville’s eyes widened. Jussi had done what?!
“When I torched the tour bus…Bazie was inside…” Ville let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob. “Did he…?” Jussi looked round at him with big, teary eyes. “No, Ville, he didn’t…” Ville was sobbing hard now His shoulders were shaking, and he sounds he was emitting were not like Ville at all. Jussi rubbed his back in small circles until he calmed down slightly.
Ville turned to look at Jussi, who couldn’t meet his intense gaze. “There’s more, isn’t there?” Jussi nodded sadly. “The police are after me Ville. And the voices won’t leave me alone…They want me to show my true feelings for a man…” This startled Ville slightly “He’s an amazing person, but I don’t know if he feels the same way about me…”
The way Jussi was looking at Ville was scaring him…He was slowly edging towards him, but something in his eyes meant Ville couldn’t move. A strange animalistic glint in Jussi’s eye had him paralysed, much like a dear in headlights. “It’s you Ville…You look so good…I bet you taste even better…” With that he softly, tentatively pressed his lips to Ville’s, moaning softly before pulling back to gauge his long time affection’s reaction.
To say that Ville was shocked and surprised would be an understatement. He sat there, open mouthed and staring at the wall in front of him. He quickly composed himself and looked round to Jussi, a mixture of sadness and euphoria in his eyes. “Jussi…I don’t know what to say…”
Jussi’s expression crumpled as tears began to glide slowly down his face. He bit his lip slightly. “You don’t feel the same, do you?” Ville felt his heart swell from the sight before him. He so badly wanted to reach out and take the smaller man into his arms, but he couldn’t. Something was nagging him at the back of his mind…
“These- voices…Do you hear them often?” Jussi looked up, slightly confused. “They don’t go away, Ville. They’re always there…Telling me all the things I’ve done wrong…Telling me what I should do…it’s better to conform to them than to ignore them Ville. Conforming means they leave for a little while. Ignoring them just makes them louder…”
“That’s just it Jussi. How can I tell that you love me, and not just those voices you say you hear in your head?” Jussi started as if he had just been slapped. The hurt in his eyes made Ville regret his words immediately. Tears were now cascading down Jussi’s face as he tried to choke back a sob. “Is that really what you think, Ville? That I don’t love you? That my being here, my doing this, is just because of the goddamn voices in my head?!” As Jussi continued to rant, his voice grew steadily louder, just as Ville’s fear was steadily rising in his chest.
“I bet you don’t even believe me about the voices Ville! You just don’t want to hurt me…” Suddenly Jussi stopped. His eyes brightened slightly, as though he had just had an idea. Ville deigned to think what that idea might entail. “What if I prove my love to you, Ville? What if I show you just how deeply I feel for you?” Ville watched with wide eyes as Jussi pulled a small blade from one of his boots. Slowly, he dragged it across his arm, leaving a crimson trail in its path.
Ville was horrified. A small smile graced Jussi’s plump lips that made him look nothing short of insane. He slowly began to carve ‘I love you Ville’ in his arm, as Ville looked on frozen with fear at his friend’s actions. “Jussi…Please…”
Jussi’s head snapped up. His crimson arm caught his attention, and he began to whimper like a small child, falling to the floor. He began to sob openly now, his shoulders shaking with the force of them. “Please Ville…I love you so much it hurts…The voices have nothing to do with my feelings…Can’t you see it? I would die for you Ville…Die for you…”
As Jussi passed out, Ville snapped out of his horrified stupor on the sofa and grabbed the phone quickly dialling for an ambulance. He ran over to Jussi who was a crumpled mess on the floor. He covered his arm with a cloth from the kitchen, trying and failing miserably to stem the blood flow. He picked him up and began to rock him back and forth. “Please be okay, Jussi…Please…” Ville’s head snapped up at the first sound of sirens. When his doorbell rang, he ran to answer it, Jussi still in his arms.
When the two men at the door saw the state of the small man, they rushed him down to the ambulance as quickly as possible. It was clear from his features that his arm was the least of his problems. Ville insisted he go with Jussi to the hospital and the two men reluctantly agreed. The quicker they got the man to hospital, the better.
They bandaged up his arm quickly, checking his pulse every few minutes. He had lost a worrying amount of blood. When they arrived a the hospital, what seemed like hours later to Ville, Jussi was rushed to intensive care, leaving Ville a nervous wreck in the waiting room, filling out insurance forms.
***
When a doctor finally approached Ville exactly an hour 37 minutes later (Ville had been counting), he had a very serious look of concern on his face. “Mr Valo?” Ville nodded. “Your friend is fine now, in a physical sense, but we are prescribing him different medications for a number of issues Mr Vuori seems to have.” Ville gulped. “Like what, exactly?”
“Like schizophrenia and severe depression. He needs to take his medication on a daily basis or there is a strong chance he will slip back into the unhealthy habits he seems to have been exercising as of late.” Ville thanked him. “Is there any chance I can see him?” The doctor nodded and led him down a long corridor to Jussi’s room.
Ville’s heart fell to pieces at the sight in front of him. Jussi seemed so small, so weak, so pale…He sat down in a rather uncomfortable chair and grabbed Jussi’s hand, whispering softly to him, wishing for everything to be alright.
When Jussi awoke some hours later he sat up, confused and panicked. Ville quickly shushed him, and told him everything was fine. Jussi paused a minute, and looked at Ville. His eyes widened. “What happened? My head is clear…Where did the voices go?” Ville smiled weakly. “They’re gone, Jussi. Just keep taking your medication. Then they’ll never come back.”
Jussi broke into a wide grin, which was such a relief to Ville, considering the night’s events. Speaking of which, Ville regarded Jussi with inquisitive eyes. “Do you remember much of the past few hours, Jussi?” The smaller man frowned. “Not much, no.” Ville grinned. “How about this, then?” He lent forward and placed a chaste kiss on Jussi’s plump, soft lips, much to the smaller man’s surprise and delight. When Ville pulled away from him, Jussi pouted. Ville regarded him with amusement. “Why the face?” Jussi smiled softly. “You pulled away far too soon….”
With that he reached over to Ville and pulled him forward, impatient to taste him again. He nibbled Ville’s bottom lip, causing Ville to moan softly. He slid his tongue into Ville’s mouth, savouring the flavour of the man he so desired. Several minutes later, Ville pulled away from the kiss with a soft smile gracing his features. He looked down at their hands, now interlocked, and sighed.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Jussi. You scared me so much tonight…I-”
“Mr Valo?” The Doctor was standing at the door with two serious looking policemen in tow. He saw Jussi’s eyes grow wide with fear, and squeezed his hand reassuringly. The doctor continued. “These two officers would like a word with you.”
Ville squeezed Jussi’s hand once more before exiting the hospital room and following the two policemen to the waiting room. “We need to ask a few questions about Mr Vuori.” Ville frowned slightly, but maintained his composure. “We know Mr Vuori is guilty of arson and manslaughter-” Ville took a sharp intake of breath, still slightly fragile about the death of his friend. “We need confirmation that he was not mentally stable while committing these offences. If he wasn’t, there will be no charges. We will just take him to a therapist, and keep a close eye on him.”
Ville breathed a sigh of relief. “Jussi came to me after having set fire to the tour bus. He wouldn’t stop talking about these voices in his head. He said they made him do things, and that it was less painful for him to do as they said.” The two men nodded. “Thank you Mr Valo. That’s all we need to know.”
Ville walked back to Jussi’s room and explained everything to him. Jussi was relieved, yet he still felt guilty as hell. Ville held him close, whispering softly, reassuringly to him. “There is one thing though.” Jussi looked up at him expectantly. “I need to make sure you take all your medication…Take a lot of…exercise…” Jussi grinned widely at Ville’s last statement. Yes….Exercise…
“So…” Ville continued “It would make things a lot easier…If you…Moved in with me?” Jussi let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a squeal, which Ville found adorable. “That’s a yes then?” Jussi nodded excitedly, and hugged Ville tightly, although not without difficulty.
Jussi mumbled something into Ville’s shoulder. Ville turned slightly. “What did you say?”
Jussi gazed up at him, pure happiness in his features. “I love you Ville.” Ville smiled widely, and kissed his lips softly. “I love you too…”
tell me what you think!
comments = love :)