In the Eyes of a Child - Part 8/9
“Let me get that for you.”
“I can carry it myself.”
“Rose, it’s tilting.”
“You’re tilting, you… tilter.”
I sighed and allowed Cybil to take the tray from my hands, following her up the rest of the steps to the second floor and the balcony. It was already lunch time, and since Sharon had shoved a peanut sandwich into her mouth and gone off in search for pineapples - or was it pinecones? - I had decided that lunch on the balcony would be nice.
Flopping down on a cushioned chair, I swept my gaze over the scenery. Cybil had finally agreed to drag all the corpses to the compost heap under the watchful... watchfulness of a creature consisting mostly of legs. The look on the cop’s face had been priceless when Sharon had danced around it like a Christmas tree.
Right now, Sharon’s blue dress only occasionally flashed between the dark trunks of the trees as she went on in her search, and I turned my gaze to Cybil just to find her studying me. I tucked some hair behind my ear and gave her a smile, which she returned. Was she blushing?
She was wearing her uniform top today, and it made her look very much like an off duty cop, especially since she had opted to wear her high boots and leather pants with it. I could feel my heart rate speeding up and quickly looked away, watching the ashes fall into the pale grass. “Do you have any family, Cybil?”
Cybil lowered the can of coke from her lips and took some time to answer, but at last she said in a low voice, “I had a mother, but I saw her house split in half when I drove past. The other half was just missing. I guess they’re all gone.”
Not able to stand the pain return to her eyes, I quickly shook my head. “No, Cybil… they’re still there.” I reached across to squeeze her arm. “What you saw was just a manifestation of the place you used to call home. Your mother is still out there. You’ll meet her again. All of them.”
Her hand briefly held mine to her arm, for a few seconds showing her need for comfort before letting go almost as if she’d burned herself. I smiled a little and took my bowl of bean salad, curling up in my chair as I started to eat. It was a good thing that all the shops around town were still fully supplied with their electricity working, or we would have begun to starve a long time ago.
“Do you have any family, Rose?” The way she said my name made me shiver. God, I was a lost cause.
I slowly nodded. “Yes, but my parents live across the state. We haven’t talked much since…” I waved my spoon in the air and shrugged my shoulders, shivering lightly in the cool breeze. “Christopher’s family was always very accommodating.”
“Mommy! Look what I found!” Sharon’s voice cut through the privacy of our conversation, and I got up on my feet, replacing my bowl on the trail. “We’ll talk more later.” I smiled at the curiosity in Cybil’s expression and brushed my fingers over her shoulder as I left. “Coming, pumpkin!”
--
Come to think of it, there was always something other than love that I wanted from my relationships; comfort, social status, stability, children… the list was long. We’re all on the hunt until we find the perfect relationship, and when we do find it we get married, have children and become… normal. I used to strive towards that normalcy, that feeling of completion, and in the end love had very little to do with it. Even though my love for Chris had faded, it never occurred to me that I could simply let him go. That is not the way it is done.
My love for Sharon overwhelmed everything else, and when her nightmares cracked the carefully built foundations of our life together, my choice to follow that love caused me to turn my back on not only my life but the world itself. I could still feel that choice altering me, changing me as I stretched beyond the borders that had once defined me. The very spirit of Silent Hill was slowly turning me as unfettered and dark as the black crows circling the church tower in the empty town we left behind.
I heard Cybil cry as I sleeplessly stared up into the white ceiling. At first I decided to let her have her privacy, but the soft sobs soon became unbearable to my ears, piercing through my trail of thoughts like a knife. Quietly, I left the warmth of my bed and exited the room.
Cybil was sitting on the edge of the bed with her elbows on her knees, head hanging. Her shoulders were shaking with her soft sobs, fists tensing and relaxing repeatedly as I watched from the doorway. The pained sounds coming from her were even more unbearable in here. I quickly crossed the room, feeling my own throat close up as I sat beside her, and pulled her into my arms.
Resting my cheek against the back of her neck, I whispered. “Shhh, it’s alright… don’t cry, sweetie…”
She hesitated only for a short moment before leaning against me, and I felt it like an electric surge when she wrapped her arms around my waist. I held her as she continued to cry, mumbling nonsense into her ear and pressing my lips to the top of her head.
When she was calmer, I climbed into the bed and guided her head to my lap, stroking her hair as I looked down at her curled-up form. Cybil’s eyes were closed, and although the pained lines were still visible around her mouth she at least wasn’t crying anymore. I closed my own eyes and leaned my head back against the wall, feeling the exhaustion in my neck. Cybil must feel so powerless here, so completely out of her environment. It was a miracle that she managed as well as she did with nothing to hold on to. Silent Hill was no place for her.
I fell asleep like that, one hand around Cybil’s shoulders and the other hidden in her hair, and I only vaguely remember Cybil’s features as she woke me up and pulled me down to lie comfortably on the bed.