November 29, 2012
Fifty-sixth entry.
The year is drawing to a close. What have I accomplished? Just a bunch of failed attempts at dating. Trying too hard. Being rejected. Giving up. Loosing hope. I got the closure I wanted but its not what my dreams tell me. I cry because I messed up, because I can never take back what I did to him. And as much as I am sorry and regretful it doesn't help. He will never change his mind, he will never get that image out of his head. He says to me, "we can never have what we had before. Life works in mysterious ways and everything happens for a reason. This is just one of those forks in the road, and once you make that decision and go down that path, there's no turning back. I do appreciate the time we had together and I learned alot from it, but I too found that fork and I thought a lot about it before making my decision, and there's no turning back." So there I got the answer I wanted. The most painful thing is having a dream we are back together then waking up to that dream and realizing it's not true. It's the most depressing feeling I could ever have. Time heals all wounds, I guess I just haven't healed yet. I wish things had happened differently, but there is no turning back.
Lately, things haven't been good. This whole year hasn't been good, I wish I could erase it and start all over again, I would of done so many things differently.
I hope it all ends.
The year is drawing to a close. What have I accomplished? Just a bunch of failed attempts at dating. Trying too hard. Being rejected. Giving up. Loosing hope. I got the closure I wanted but its not what my dreams tell me. I cry because I messed up, because I can never take back what I did to him. And as much as I am sorry and regretful it doesn't help. He will never change his mind, he will never get that image out of his head. He says to me, "we can never have what we had before. Life works in mysterious ways and everything happens for a reason. This is just one of those forks in the road, and once you make that decision and go down that path, there's no turning back. I do appreciate the time we had together and I learned alot from it, but I too found that fork and I thought a lot about it before making my decision, and there's no turning back." So there I got the answer I wanted. The most painful thing is having a dream we are back together then waking up to that dream and realizing it's not true. It's the most depressing feeling I could ever have. Time heals all wounds, I guess I just haven't healed yet. I wish things had happened differently, but there is no turning back.
Lately, things haven't been good. This whole year hasn't been good, I wish I could erase it and start all over again, I would of done so many things differently.
I hope it all ends.