Grey Matter
So I drank a lot last night. (I went to Blow Pony with Kara and Lizzy.)
I had a lot of fun but I saw Brice's old room mate, the drag queen, and that just triggered my sad emotions instantly. I text Joey. And I cried.
I still don't understand how he can just ignore me now.
I wonder all the time what he is doing. If he is at home, if Brice is there or he is alone. If Brice sleep there most of the time or not. I don't think he has a job yet so I'm sure he does.
I wish I didn't think about these things all day. It just will NOT leave my mind no matter what I do. I can get distracted but it keeps coming back.
The good thing is, I think my distractions are starting to last longer. Maybe that's what moving on really is. You have to build up your ability to distract your feelings and emotions until you barely feel them anymore.
I still haven't decided what to do about school. I can't seem to find a major I want to pursue. I am also sort of scared that my anxiety will get out of control at some point again, and I don't want to have to get out of school again. I do have one solid year of good grades though, so I don't want to waste it. I also wouldn't mind going back to working 4 days a week. I don't want to get so busy with school that I get out of shape though. I've been working really hard to get my body in this shape and lose the weight I had gained being with Joey.
Hopefully soon I'll get things figured out.
I had a lot of fun but I saw Brice's old room mate, the drag queen, and that just triggered my sad emotions instantly. I text Joey. And I cried.
I still don't understand how he can just ignore me now.
I wonder all the time what he is doing. If he is at home, if Brice is there or he is alone. If Brice sleep there most of the time or not. I don't think he has a job yet so I'm sure he does.
I wish I didn't think about these things all day. It just will NOT leave my mind no matter what I do. I can get distracted but it keeps coming back.
The good thing is, I think my distractions are starting to last longer. Maybe that's what moving on really is. You have to build up your ability to distract your feelings and emotions until you barely feel them anymore.
I still haven't decided what to do about school. I can't seem to find a major I want to pursue. I am also sort of scared that my anxiety will get out of control at some point again, and I don't want to have to get out of school again. I do have one solid year of good grades though, so I don't want to waste it. I also wouldn't mind going back to working 4 days a week. I don't want to get so busy with school that I get out of shape though. I've been working really hard to get my body in this shape and lose the weight I had gained being with Joey.
Hopefully soon I'll get things figured out.