Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck
Im fucked
fucked
fucked
hear me fucked?
fucked
I tried a martini thinking "ooh cute glasses and hey yummy olive, sure Ill take one" next thing I know Im parading down the street with Michele at 2 am screaming at the top of my lungs (pretending the echos belong to someone...someone I used to know)
Im running and I hit a pole
I used to be in track ( I can be uber speedy) and for some reason I got frightened and sprinted like hell and I hit a pole
I hit a fucking pole
I saw it buzz and I screamed
because I didnt feel a damn thing
Michele laughed
and then I began to run again and then I remember lots of bushes, pissing, puking and macauly culkins ass.
it was all so great until I felt sick and remembered all my hopes and dreams and aspirations. I remebered you the boy with the undying straightedge ways.
I thought of how stupid Id acted which I will admit its fun to hang with friends and be entirely stupid..but when its out of my control its another story.
I sat there in bed watching Macauly Culkin parade around in drag and it hit me like a hurricane
this is why I never enjoy anything in life
I just exist
everything has some alternate meaning to me
I am always just existing and to what fucking purpose?
I do and I am
but who the fuck cares?
I once said everything has a meaning, but if we all die in the end does it really? what does our life really do but keep som false god amused until more of his god damned "children" are born.
maybe Im still a little drunk.
but I dont see the point in drugs of any sort
I drank and I smoked and then I threw up like fucking hell
woop dee doo
alert the media
write a fucking book
drugs are just soooooo great *flips hair*
fuck
the fuck
that
fucks
Im tired of existing. Im tired of never earning and Im tired of always being denied love
Im tired of ignoring my emotions. I speak but without meaning.
I have no meaning.
if I say I love him.. there are strings attached...Im attached to someone else that if ties were severed would shatter a reputation. I say I love him and Im considered a crazy fuck who will some day succumb to the fact that this "love of my life" Ive dreamt up is really some fat 40 year old with a sick mind and a weak heart
you fuck me
I fuck you
I hate this ending
I want to end on some witty note of solving my problems and moving on
but thats not how I am or how I do
for I have no meaning
"why you have to go and make things so complicated?"-this artist shall not be named
The Greatest Lovers Were Murderers First....
These Are My Murders
sincerly,
Cat-lin