It's been a while...
It has really been a while since I have felt this low... I wouldn't say it is low I would say confused and just thought a lot about what I want in life and who I want in my life and stuff like that... I am so happy but yet so low at times.. I just can't find a happy medium... Things will change next week once everyone is back and I'm don't dread the weekends... I'm really dreading this weekend... We are going to St. Louis... I'm leaving at about 9 and riding with Whitney, Penny and Patrick... Whit, me, and Patrick are going in the Arch and just doing some sight seeing before our game at 9:30... What really sucks is that we have to stay with the girls... All of us... This doesn't really bother me but we can't pick who we stay with and also we are being forced to bond which doesn't want to make us do that at all... Also why would I want to sleep in a bed with someone when I can have a whole bed to myself in my parents room... It's just bogus.. But I only have to deal with it this weekend and next weekend when we go to Michigan City... Then we get a "weekend off"... Not really but no tournaments then we leave for North, South Carolina... I'm excited about this trip... Get to stay somewhere cool and be in a cool city... Maybe go to the Beach... I'm excited I might even talk a "friend" into coming to see me... Haha:-D No one knows this friend so don't get any ideas... As I'm looking at this entry I see that well I'm not really that unhappy at all... I'm just stressed... Stressed about a lot of things... Considering I am going to be a Senior this year like most of my friends... But I have so much to think about... College, what I want to do with my life, where I want to live, Am I going to play softball... I have no clue... It's just stressful... I really want to get away from here as bad as that might sound... But my dream has always been to live in Florida... Yes, Hurricanes... Yes, sun, and vacationers... But ever since I've been going there I have always loved it.. It is where I'm really happy and find it hard not to have a good time and not have drama... But if I move down there... How would I feel about leaving everything behind... My family... My friends and most of all my life here... But the thing is I hate it here... I don't know if I could live down there by myself.. But I don't want to go through life wondering... Could I have made it on my own and really lived my life and loved everything about my job, where i live and everything... I love my friends and they are really what makes me want to stay here but some are also looking at other schools besides ISU and even out-of-state schools like I am... I also see myself distancing myself from them... I hate it... I can't help it though... I'm just really busy and they are really busy... It seems we just don't have time for eachother anymore... But I'm going to make time and change all of that...