Caps and Gowns and Glooming Futures
I haven't really updated this in a long time... Just don't have the time nor do I feel the need... So much is going on and I just keep thinking about my future and my life right now... So many things that I do right now are riding on my future... To be honest I was always looking forward to being a Senior, getting out of this place... Having a fresh start where no one knows anything about me or even really my name for that matter... I want to learn to live out on my own, be even more independent than I am now... Sometimes I really hate this place that we live in... Where people are so judgemental you just want to poke them and ask them if they are human... I've always wanted to go away to school but things are just so confusing right now I don't know if I'll even be able to get out of here... I'm not sure if I have good enough SAT scores... If I need to take the ACT where I go to get scholarships things of that nature... I don't even know where my parents will be living when I go to college... They might be here or they might be in Champaign close to the U of I a school that I'm interested in looking at... I've never been one to be told you have to do this and do it this way... I always did it my way no matter if it was a shortcut or a totally longer way to do something... I don't like it when people say I can't do something I always find a way to prove them wrong and show them what I have in me... I have been through a lot of things that most people don't and won't know about me... I don't know maybe just the fact that today we got our packets for Senior Announcements and Caps and Gowns I'm in this weird mood... Not knowing where I'll be this time next year... Not knowing what I honestly want to do with my life... Why do I have to know... Why do I have to know all of my plans.. I live my life on a day by day basis and try to enjoy it to the best of my abilities... But one thing is sure... Now that I'm not sick, and I have taken care of most of the stresses I had in my life... I'm finally getting back to myself and ready to be happy again... Before this summer I really couldn't tell you the last time I was truely a happy person... Happy with myself and my life in general... I don't know Senior year is supposed to be happy, and fun...It's had its happy moments but I don't know I just think everything about this whole college crap is just confusing and very stressful... I guess if all else fails I can always follow my other dream... The dream of me going to hair school and opening my own shop or moving away from here and working at a big hair salon... I just don't know anymore... I'm afraid that if I pick something and I go to school for it and once I actually get a job I will hate it with a passion... I truely don't want to do that at all... I don't want to be that unhappy person who hates what they are doing and is always complaining about hating their job... All well I'm going back to school... Nothing else to do around my house plus nobody is home...