(no subject)
So I just got back from Denver early Friday morning. Sorry Vince that I didn't call you to let you know that I was there but I was there for other reasons than to visit....so Sorry.....I promise I will call you so that we can hang out the next time I'm there.
I had an okay time in Denver despite the reason that I was there. I actually did some more touristy things this time rather than just sitting around hanging with Jarod. I needed the break from here, and figured that when I got back to KC things would be better. I was wrong of course.
I went to work on Friday and started out the day by snapping at my Boss. Wich I got talked to about. Luckily she understood that I was tired and grouchy and forgave me as soon as I said I was sorry for snapping at her.
Things are odd with Christopher. He was still up when I got home and we immediatly started argueing as soon as I walked in. Wich I will admit ..... This time it was me. He was bored while I was gone and actually decided to be nice and pack most of my stuff for me. This for some reason upset me and I started yelling at him for it. After about an hour I realised that he actually tried to do something nice and I was being an Asshole. So I Had to tell him sorry too.
He is doing a bit better now and at least has stopped trying to guilt me into staying. He is very afraid that when I leave that I will cease to talk to him and be around him. I wish I could convince him that that is not how it is going to happen. I love him still. I know that we aren't going to work, but I'm not bitter torward him. Nomatter what he will always be important to me, and I will always want him in my life at least as a good friend. Wich really I believe we can achieve. We were friends for 2 1/2 years before we started dateing. I don't believe that that bond will ever go away.
When I said that things were odd .... it is because Christopher is now being rather clingy. Wanting hugs and to be close. I don't mind it, it actually feels nice and comfortable to be close to him in that way. I am just worried that he is going to misread it and I don't want him to feel that I have led him on. I know that he doesn't want this, he really wants me to stay. He says now that he understands why I am leaving and that he is sorry for letting me down. But he still wishes that I would give him another chance.
So anyway...yeah.... Things are a bit up in the air for me at this time. I am starting to move in to Evilyn's today, so things I'm sure will begin to get better for me. However..... It was hard coming back from Denver. There is still after 3 years of no longer being together....So much between Jarod and I. I just wanted to stay and be close to him. But there are responsibilities that I have to take care of here. Sometimes being responsible really sucks!!!
Anyway ..... Thats it for now.
I had an okay time in Denver despite the reason that I was there. I actually did some more touristy things this time rather than just sitting around hanging with Jarod. I needed the break from here, and figured that when I got back to KC things would be better. I was wrong of course.
I went to work on Friday and started out the day by snapping at my Boss. Wich I got talked to about. Luckily she understood that I was tired and grouchy and forgave me as soon as I said I was sorry for snapping at her.
Things are odd with Christopher. He was still up when I got home and we immediatly started argueing as soon as I walked in. Wich I will admit ..... This time it was me. He was bored while I was gone and actually decided to be nice and pack most of my stuff for me. This for some reason upset me and I started yelling at him for it. After about an hour I realised that he actually tried to do something nice and I was being an Asshole. So I Had to tell him sorry too.
He is doing a bit better now and at least has stopped trying to guilt me into staying. He is very afraid that when I leave that I will cease to talk to him and be around him. I wish I could convince him that that is not how it is going to happen. I love him still. I know that we aren't going to work, but I'm not bitter torward him. Nomatter what he will always be important to me, and I will always want him in my life at least as a good friend. Wich really I believe we can achieve. We were friends for 2 1/2 years before we started dateing. I don't believe that that bond will ever go away.
When I said that things were odd .... it is because Christopher is now being rather clingy. Wanting hugs and to be close. I don't mind it, it actually feels nice and comfortable to be close to him in that way. I am just worried that he is going to misread it and I don't want him to feel that I have led him on. I know that he doesn't want this, he really wants me to stay. He says now that he understands why I am leaving and that he is sorry for letting me down. But he still wishes that I would give him another chance.
So anyway...yeah.... Things are a bit up in the air for me at this time. I am starting to move in to Evilyn's today, so things I'm sure will begin to get better for me. However..... It was hard coming back from Denver. There is still after 3 years of no longer being together....So much between Jarod and I. I just wanted to stay and be close to him. But there are responsibilities that I have to take care of here. Sometimes being responsible really sucks!!!
Anyway ..... Thats it for now.