Not Exactly a Secret [Fanfic]
Title: Not Exactly a Secret
Author: MorriganFearn
Rating: M
Characters: Rutger, Dieck, Clarine, Sue, Fir, Klein, Saul
Genre: Romance, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort (still not clear what that is as a genre, but it's prolly the closest to accurate I'll get)
Pairings: Rutger/Dieck
Summary: It's not exactly a secret that Rutger has some aggression to work through. It is a bit of a surprise that Dieck is interested in this. But as the first half year of the War Against Bern rolls on, the status quo they create begins to change.
Title: Not Exactly a Secret - Part 17
Author: MorriganFearn
Rating: T
Characters: Rutger, Klein, Tate, Clarine, Sue, Thany, Fir, Bartre, Shin
Genre: Friendship, Introspection, Action
Pairings: Rutger/Dieck
Summary: Rutger needs to change the direction of his path, but doing so requires thinking beyond the destruction of Bern. Dieck needs to confront the past he has been avoiding, but that might change the life he has managed to make. They try to make some plans for after the war in the middle of a battle.
Previous Part (Castle Idina) Next Part (Siege Camp)
Not Exactly a Secret: Part 17
“What's this?” Someone called loudly, a booming voice that must echo across the water. “Be you members of young Roy's army?”
Fir groaned. “Dad-please, it's us. Is everyone else with you? Um, Dad, this is Klein, former General of Etruria, now acting under general or something in the army. He's in command right now, anyway. Klein, this is my father, uh-”
“Call me Bartre,” the man boomed again, probably near enough to clap Klein on the back while giving him the kind of handshake that would break his fingers, if Klein wasn't hidden by the night. His voice left that impression of unpleasantly active heartiness.
Clarine muttered something. Despite the fact that it was unintelligible, Rutger agreed with it on principal. Forthright was one thing, giving away troop positions was another. Besides, opinionated as Clarine was, her opinions were not targeted to belittle anyone, as far as Rutger had seen, so it was generally never wrong to agree with them.
Wind rushed softly over their heads, slightly louder than a swooping owl, but not enough for a comfortable warning when Rutger looked up to see the two white pegasi land only a short way ahead of the bridge. The war animals clattered on the shale, stamping a bit with nerves, Rutger would guess, but otherwise the landing was an eerie contrast of silence to the strange mercenary's arrival.
The darker smudges of Tate and Thany, out of their standard issue pegasus knight tunics in exchange for the darker tunics favored by the Ilian mercenaries of Sir Zealot's squad when out of armor, swiftly descended over the wings of their mounts. As soon as they were no longer silhouetted against the pegasi, both knights disappeared, only to re-emerge as disembodied voices by Clarine's bridle.
“General Klein,” Tate's respectful tones when whispered came out with a strange inflection, as though she was strangling another friendlier woman in the name of staying quiet. “Shin and Sue are bringing more lanterns. But the pegasi are nearly blind as soon as we leave the light of the bonfire. It's making them more nervous than I would like.”
“And forcing them into a fight where they would only be able to smell blood would only make matters worse. I should have guessed that,” Klein agreed. “I need you two on courier duty, anyway. There is a resupply galley coming at dawn, as I understand. If we want the siege here to break quickly, and we can't afford to either leave the army here to continue their deeds, or to waste enough time with them that the Governor of the Isles finds out that we have been cutting off his military support, we have to take the harbor, and that will require planning. Now, when Sue and Shin get here, we will have three ahorse, and four afoot. Captain, Knight Thany, which of the two of you is faster?”
“Um,” Thany's voice, much like Bartre's, had no filter of quiet set over it. “I think that's me. Tate's pegasus is warhorse stock, but mine is from a peregrine scout line. What do you need of me?”
“If General Roy agrees to it, I'd like you and an archer to fly to the balistae we disabled and try to use it to take out the ship that will be coming in here at dawn,” Klein told her. “Captain, you'll be my main point of contact between General Roy and Bard Elphin. My plan at this point is to capture the harbor by besieging the back gate of the castle, and, when that galley appears, I want Lilina and Clarine and Lugh to try casting thunder at it, if it comes too close to either the harbor, or the army camp. Seawater amplifies the thunder aspect of anima, if I'm remembering my lessons correctly. Between the two points of attack we ought to be able to keep the galley at least wary of sending in a landing party, if not outright disable it.”
“And by dawn, Thany and I will be able to see and fly with more surety,” Tate nodded. “I will relay your plan. Will you stay here, or are you planning to advance?”
Fir stiffened suddenly. “The portcullis is raising again. I can see torch light from the castle.”
“Then you don't need the lanterns we brought?” someone asked with amused chagrin from the bridge.
Rutger heard loud rustles of clothing and some rattling of arrows in a quiver, as Klein, and probably a few others, started. As he had been relaxing against the supports of the bridge, his own flinch was not quite as noticeable, for which he was grateful. Sue's voice had a low quietness to it, but she was unlikely to find the situation as funny as Shin, who had a habit of smiling in the face of hopeless situations, if the expressions he made whenever he heard Clarine trying to give fashionable advice to Dorothy or Rutger were any indication.
Klein recovered quickly enough, however. “No, we will be wanting them. If for no other reason than to guide the pegasus knights. Did you two catch the plan?”
“Of course,” definitely Sue this time. Rutger realized that she had a particular cadence when speaking during battle that deserted her in normal conversation. He had noticed the directness on the battlements of Araphen, but it had been gone in the bandits' castle in Fibernia as Sue considered her future. “We should probably flank the group as you advance. No one will know where we are, unless the enemy gets lucky in the dark.”
“I'll hang back on what passes for a hill before the castle,” Klein agreed with the plan. “We will create cover fire for the rest of you. Fir, Rutger, Bartre, you will be attacking the enemy head on. Clarine, I need you to make sure that our path to the harbor is clear.”
“But brother, I'm more than capable of getting rid of these brigands-”
“These brigands, as you have it, Clarine, are our countrymen, even if they've forgotten it. You cannot do the same,” Klein's voice lashed out like an icy whip. He relented within a second, sounding once more the cool-headed older brother and trusted general. “By all means, you saved us earlier, Clarine. But if we fight together you must obey my orders. There is a chain of command. Following it is part of growing up to do your duty properly.”
It struck Rutger that Klein was only a little younger than he was, and a full general. If he understood Etruria's standing military correctly, that was something like a cross between war leader and chief. Both Sue and Shin were probably of that status now, thanks to the decimation of their tribe, but Klein had been placed in that position by people who were older and more experienced than he was, and who saw a mind that they must respect. That friendliness masked reserve he had cultivated must have to withstand a lot of pressure to live up to the kind of expectation that seemed to follow him.
Clarine, normally unabashed in the face of kidnapping, trickery, and Rutger's extreme irritation, managed to hold a stunned silence for several heartbeats, before echoing Sue. “Of course, Klein. I didn't mean-”
“I know. Just please don't put yourself, or anyone else here, in danger by trying to be a one w-lady army. Now, we need to see what kind of welcome Castle Idina has waiting for us,” Klein declared.
Despite his words that the troops at Idina were his compatriots, Klein had no compunction about slaughtering the two scouting parties sent to reconnoiter his strength. At one point Rutger found himself backed up against Lady Sue's pony, when his attacker flinched and screamed long enough to slice him open from sternum to navel. When Rutger walked over the body, an arrow protruding from a fleshy inner leg scraped at his shin.
Then the postern doors wrenched closed, and the portcullis dropped for the last time, leaving their little force to the harbor access without contest. Tate was already winging over to Roy's side of the castle, carrying the news that their opponents had settled in for a true siege. Stars still sparkled on the waves. A few arrows from the battlements clattered off the stones far from the single dock, where Klein now waited, but the fire was clearly for defiance, rather than threat.
Sue's pony brought the lady even with Rutger's side. “Are you all right?”
He had a cut along his cheek that stung in the wind, another on his forehead that was finally caking into sticky clots, and he suspected that his surcoat was in need of minor repair but over all, he was perhaps a single wave of Clarine's staff away from being as good as when he started the battle.
“Fine. That axe wielder didn't get you, did he?”
“My horse blanket is torn, but I will live,” Sue's dark shape appeared to be sitting in her saddle without any discomfort, so the wound could not be that severe.
Clarine tutted angrily at Shin and Fir to their left, alternating remonstrations until Fir's father boomed for more light. Rutger prodded the ground ahead of him with his sword scabbard experimentally, but turned up no driftwood. They probably shouldn't start any fires until the siege was official, in any case. Rutger wanted to shake his head at himself in exasperation. He was getting too used to following orders.
Lady Sue exhaled slowly, as though she was trying to spread out of her body, and mingle with the night. “We should be glad that everything went as smoothly as it did.”
True, no one was dead. Even the closest of calls had not been that close during this battle. From the sounds of it, Fir might have taken a bad hit, but her voice drifted around the group, light and playful. The harbor was theirs, Idina was closed to siege, and all they needed was for Roy to name terms, or whatever the proper way for dealing with traitors around here was.
Of course, the definition of traitor was entirely based in perspective at this point. “Klein's plan did work,” Rutger said to the waiting dark. “Should we tell him that?”
“He is carrying a lot of unhappiness,” Lady Sue replied. “You know his sister better. Would she like to hear that she was good at her work when she is uncertain of it?”
“Clarine is rarely uncertain of anything. I would say Klein is much the same,” Rutger commented. “Conflicted, perhaps, but he does not question his actions when he had made up his mind. On the other hand, he's difficult to read.”
There was little to say to that, apparently. Lady Sue managed a small noise of agreement, and quiet settled between them once more, until she nudged her horse forward. “I know what you mean. His spirit is at once genuinely happy, and yet hiding all manner of other things, even the sincerity of his happiness. Bard Elphin is even worse. I noticed the same, I don't know, doubleness, in many of the Etrurians when they rescued us at Ostia, even General Cecilia. I know that she cannot be playing us falsely, but she doesn't come across as true, either.”
Rutger thought about Dieck, and his determination to ignore and push away his past. Did that produce the doubling that Sue was describing? For all he knew, his own spirit was trying, probably badly, to do the same. “Etruria is a strange kingdom,” Rutger said at last.
“It is,” Lady Sue's horse stopped walking for a moment. “The land is so beautiful and alive-you know how rivers are in Sacae, but it's more than just giving relief to the land and thirsty in Etruria, they sing with the fact that they are a way of life for so many people, it's so very different.”
Rutger did not know how rivers felt about anything. Lady Sue sounded as though she was speaking of a friend. It had been a long time since Rutger had heard anyone talk of it-spirits were the providence of priests and children, one set of which Rutger had no good reason to approach, and the other he avoided. In polite society, people did not speak to outsiders about the world they could not understand. At least the darkness gave Rutger cover enough to turn away from Sue's openness, before he could ruin it with his raw envy.
“Rutger? Did I say something unpleasant?” Sue's voice gave Rutger no warning for when her hand reached out, and touched his shoulder to stop his retreat.
His startled flinch caused her fingers to withdraw instantly, but that did little to calm the frightened rabbit-like response from his heart. The night's work had left him far too jumpy, he told himself. “It's nothing,” Dieck was right, he did lie far too much. And of all people to lie to, Lady Sue did not deserve it. “No one-People do not usually speak openly of the spiritual world around me.”
The lady exhaled, her voice rueful. “I suppose you think I'm childish. Shin always does. I just have never seen a good reason not to speak of all my observations, and my parents always encouraged it, even though I don't think my father could see the spirits at all.”
Rutger felt his assumptions grind to a halt for the second time that night. “Was he-not Sacaen?” But that couldn't be right. The granddaughter of the Silver Wolf might have had a mother from outside the Kutolah, as radical as that thought was, but never an outsider father.
“Well, he was of the Plains, and born to the Kutolah, and in that much, he would be Sacaen,” Sue's clothes rustled faintly, and Rutger wondered if she was shrugging, gesturing, or about to attempt dismounting. Since the leg did not move to hit his shoulder, however, he decided dismounting was not among Lady Sue's plans. “But
he was cast out when he was in his walking years.”
Rutger shivered. What had her father done? Or what had her family done, to warrant killing the memory of a child in the heart of a tribe? Casting out a child who had not even trained his own horse yet sounded like a judgment against blood sins. Rootless as Rutger was without Bulgar to call his home, he at least had the memory of the dead to keep him attached to the Plains. “But he returned, or you would not be-?”
“The wildflower of the Kutolah?” Sue's soft laugh sounded almost derisive. “Yes. He did everything necessary to be brought back, and he is happy now. But his spirit has always been silent. It never reaches out, and only opens if approached first. Even you-sorry.”
“No,” Rutger gripped the crusty edge of the torn horse blanket involuntarily. “I'm-I have no objections to you talking about me. As I said, no one speaks about that kind of thing around me. Not since I was a child.”
The water lapped at the dock, blending with a lively discussion about Fir's manliness, if the few clear words from Bartre were any indication. At last Lady Sue decided on whatever was right to say, as opposed to being intrusive on the life of a Plains townsman. “You're a bit of a scary mess, Rutger, and you do try to keep your spirit closed, but it just leaks out of you in other places. And it is not silent. I have never met anyone else who held themselves quietly, even when-He and Mama were-I miss both of them.”
She trailed off, and Rutger tried to remember how they had gotten to dead parents once again. Dead parents, and scary messes, apparently. A selfish part of him wanted to ignore her unhappiness and ask for all of the advice he would have asked for from a shaman. The rest of him didn't know what to do. She must be very sensitive to the spirit world, to see it so naturally in her life. Was that helpful when she had lost so much else, or was it painful?
“But what ever has happened, has happened already, and I have done my part,” Lady Sue's voice rang with the resolve not to dwell on what would have to be beyond her control. “For now we have Klein, and-Oh right, we were discussing how strange Etrurians are.”
“Among other things,” Rutger relaxed. Still, they both were without family. It was cowardly of him to try to avoid this. “If you want to talk about your family, though, I will listen.”
“You would, wouldn't you?” Lady Sue said after a brief pause. “Thank you.”
But she nudged her horse closer to Clarine, and the argument that should have been a quick healing. “I did have a point to make about Etruria, though. I've always believed that Mother Earth has-she gives us anchors to places, and makes them part of our hearts. But it is up to us to shape those anchors, and make them out own. In Etruria, with its lively rivers-even the cities have a nice feel to them, but it's a little like looking at a rare and well made sword. Everyone wants to own it. I am not sure if that is the right way to view the land-or maybe it is not wrong, but it has consequences.”
Rutger thought of Fir once more, and felt embarrassed. Then his thoughts strayed to Dieck's opinions of ownership, and soured instantly. “It would not surprise me at all, if that were the case.”
“What would not surprise you, Rutger?” Clarine asked.
When she moved to confront them, she revealed one of the lanterns, and a splash of blood on the ground, leading to an arm wearing an archer's gauntlet, seemingly disembodied as the shadows swallowed up the pool of light. Fir's pale shirt showed in the dimness, leading Rutger to believe that the arm belonged to one of their party.
“Is Shin alright?” Sue asked, gripping her saddle fiercely enough to make the rim creak as she leaned forward.
She did not, however, dismount, which Rutger thought of as strange. In her place he would be running to see if his last living link to his home was alright. But as she did not move, he took the initiative, and slid between the horses, skirting the lantern light to give a better report.
He heard Fir chuckle. “He's sleeping. Apparently its undignified to leave your horse if your wounds would cause you to fall once you found the ground, and Shin responds to healing exhaustion quickly. Father is circling the castle to see if we can get some blankets from the main camp, as well as do some non-pegasus scouting. You don't have to worry about Shin, Sue.”
“Really,” Clarine grouched. “I can't believe he didn't choose to dismount.”
Rutger knelt next to Fir. Given the dark blotch that was roughly head-shaped and breathing coming from her lap, it seemed that Shin was using her as a glorified pillow. The rocks under Rutger's hand were a little tacky, but mostly dry from what he could tell. Somewhere nearby, a horse stamped. He wouldn't dismount and had splashed this much blood everywhere before Clarine was able to heal him? “Oh, I can't believe it, either, Lady Clarine. Isn't it a show of stubbornness, rather than sense, to stay ahorse, Lady Sue?”
“I told you, I was not badly hurt by that last soldier,” Sue did not even sound too convinced herself.
Clarine sprang into action, every inch a healer. “Rutger, pick that lantern up. Sue, where are you injured?-Rutger, your face! You need to wash, once I'm done with Sue. You're lucky seawater agrees with the humors.”
It could have waited until the soapy buckets went around when they knew they weren't going to be attacked, Rutger thought, but he obeyed Clarine nonetheless. When he brought the lantern close enough, it was obvious that Sue's right knee and thigh had been cut, though, according to Clarine's probing, the cut was not deep.
“See?” Sue ended up hissing, when Clarine tried to detach the cloth from dried blood. “That stings, Clarine!”
“Well, you should have called me over as soon as you could to keep the blood from attaching your clothing to your skin like this,” Clarine replied, unrepentant. “One moment, and I'll fix it for you.”
“I was fine. I just didn't want to dismount on a bad leg.”
“Is there some secret Plains technique that involves ignoring the healers that I'm not aware of?” Clarine asked, her voice ringing with the smugness of a young girl who realizes that she has out maneuvered her elders.
The sarcastic pride of knowing better than anyone radiating from Clarine left Sue covering a giggle. “It's a technique I've studied for years, actually. If you're in a position that you can hold without too much discomfort, you should wait until you can get to people who can help you down, and know how to keep you from doing more damage.”
“Well,” Clarine lifted her staff, making it shine with the light blue light of healing, “it's not quick enough. And you might be doing more damage hanging onto your horse.”
“I try to know my limits, Lady Clarine,” Sue's voice echoed softly off the rocks and water, when it was interrupted by another clattering salvo of arrows from the castle.
At first, Rutger thought that they were aiming for the lights on the beach in another show of useless defiance, but an indignant, shrieking, unhorse-like neigh made him look to the sky, where Captain Tate was gracefully sloping toward Klein. She seemed to be coming in very slowly, showing off that she had no need to worry about arrows with a calm that was nearly ruined by her pegasus' loud irritation, and desire to trample the offenders.
Her landing was light, however, though after the hooves came to a stop, the rock rang with stamping noises, and affronted snorting. Sue, as she dismounted gingerly, tutted. Rutger considered pointing out that pegasi were not horses with wings, and were supposed to be much closer to wyverns in temperament-but he supposed that the control that a rider should have over any mount should be the same, no matter the bird-like habits of anger and fury. Though it was also possible that Tate's war pegasus was being allowed leeway by her rider given the darkness and a pegasus' learned hatred of arrows.
It was one of those moments when Rutger felt inordinately smug about the fact that he was only responsible for his own behavior and did not have to deal with horses of any kind.
“Everyone,” Klein called out from Tate's general direction, “let's gather around. Is Shin awake yet?”
“No.”
Fir's voice was cut off by a sleepy, “Yes, I what?”
“Okay, he's awake. Just not sensible.”
Sue laughed to herself once more, but concentrated on rubbing her recently healed leg. Rutger waited for her to get steady on her feet before moving himself and the lantern he was holding to the patch of darkness Clarine had trotted towards.
When the lantern reached Klein, the young man was running fingers through his hair. “Bartre and Merlinus will be coming back here with a few others. General Roy delivered an announcement of the siege to the main gate a few minutes ago. Right now, the commander is digging in. As far as we can tell, he doesn't think we know about the resupply ship, and is hoping that they'll break us. The general and Sir Lance are trying to work on a bigger surprise than what we had already planned, but Clarine, you
will need to get some sleep, so that you're well rested when it's time to protect the rest of us. We'll be setting up a camp on this side, in case any of the soldiers try to make a break from the back of the castle. You get to choose the first tent.”
“And we get to set it up?” Fir giggled, while Clarine beamed with pride.
“Well, of course! I am an important mage who needs her rest.”
Rutger tried not to roll his eyes, but Lady Sue nodded seriously. “I'm glad that you decided to start learning how to use your magic in combat. It gives us many more options. Do you need anything else? Together, I am sure this army could hold off a landing party, but I think we all would rather that this plan to sink the ship works.”
“Well, I should probably study my thunder tome-can we have more light? Or is it still too dangerous, Brother?”
Klein blinked with a slowness mirrored by Shin's half asleep eyes. “They know where we are, and with the army's bonfire, the galley will see that there are besiegers here no matter what. Let's set some torches, and get a line past their arrow range set up. Rutger, if you and Sue could place the lanterns at my direction? Uh-the rest of them should still be on Shin's saddle. Let's get started figuring out the camp configurations. Shin, stay with Clarine. Captain Tate and I need to work on some messages. We'll be on the dock once the lanterns are set. Fir, watch the gate. If it shifts, yell for us.”
Decisions made, Rutger and Sue walked the arbitrary lines of the beach, Klein prowling ahead, and calling for a new lantern at regular intervals. A crescent moon was rising, adding to the cold starlight when Rutger managed to rise from the final lantern wick, a small friendly fire glow beginning a line that guarded the harbor. Klein rocked back on his heels, letting out a satisfied sigh.
Sue's knuckles cracked gruesomely as she stretched, before addressing Klein. “You seem sad, Klein. Clarine will be fine, you know. It's good to learn how to protect yourself and others when you need to.”
The young man started, his feet backing out of the pool of lantern light. “Ah. No-I mean, well, I wish my little sister could be the little girl I left behind with my parents when I went to serve my kingdom. But I understand that we are making the best of a bad situation, and to be honest, I think she gets more support here from Lady Lilina and Lugh than her tutors at home could give her. My parents would teach her everything she would need, but-she's the youngest of our generation. I was very lucky to meet the good friends that I did at court, and I was considered a little young. For Clarine-There aren't many young people she would be allowed to associate with. She's happy here. And growing up very well.”
Sue nodded slowly. “You really mean that. May we ask what's troubling you, then?”
“Nothing serious. A friend of mine died on the Isles two years ago this month. I got the news almost directly after it happened, and had to carry it to Aquelia personally. At the time, it sounded innocent enough, but given what we've discovered so far-I'm having my doubts. Fighting these soldiers, tonight-they've betrayed their oaths and their people. It makes me wonder if anyone among these soldiers killed him. Though I have always hoped that the news was false-but if that is the case, after two years, he should have reappeared, somewhere. Not the best thoughts to be dwelling on, at the start of an important siege, I suppose.”
It was incredible, listening to Klein describe the loss of a friend and betrayal of the military he served with such equanimity. If anything, his feelings seemed to be cold, as though he was speaking of the weather conditions, with barely an inflection in his voice-up until the moment his breath caught on the word 'false,' and the pause that followed filled the void with raw cold autumn air. If Lady Sue had not been at his side, Rutger would have considered slinking away from these unspoken memories of a friend Klein would not name.
“Well, at the end of this, you may be able to question the commander here,” Sue pointed out, before frowning. “Two years ago? Last year, Bern began its march across the plains into Ilia. But I think the seeds of betrayal were sewn before that.”
“Really?” Klein's voice sounded contemplative. “Hmm, if we get drawn back into Bern's war-I'd like to hear more about that, some time. How things happened in the Plains.”
Now, the urge to slink away gripped Rutger with total ferocity. He had the night on his side. Even the lantern line was not casting enough light for Klein to notice if he moved silently away. But Klein broke away first, heading for the dock in a crunching of barnacles and a last 'thank you,' and Rutger could obviously not follow him.
“You don't want him to ask, do you?” Sue murmured, taking a stand that gave her a view of the castle's south west wall, with all of the bobbing torches.
“He's an outsider,” Rutger began, knowing he was lying by omission. It wasn't fair to either Klein to be rejected because he was not of the plains, or to Lady Sue, to be given such a lie for an answer.
“I know Bulgar fell,” Lady Sue paused, slowly searching out the words, “swiftly. With blood red streets. That was why the Kutolah decided to resist Bern to the last man and woman. But you-you're carrying the ghosts with you, so far from the grass and wind.”
Cold ice tightened his breath. He had wanted this, he told himself. He had wanted her to speak to him like an priest or shaman. He had wanted that relief, and familiarity so far from home. “They won't be able to rest in the city without justice.”
“No. It's hard, carrying all those lives, naming them, remembering them each night,” Sue murmured, making Rutger wonder how many Kutolah names she held close to her heart. “But you can't deny what happened, not even to an outsider. Ghosts need to be remembered.”
Rutger closed his eyes against the quiet sea and the looming night. The rhythms of the earth, which should be so soothing, slammed into his ears as soon as he tried to shut them out. His stomach knotted in response, tangling like a ruined warp on a loom. Sue knew what paths his spirit was walking better than anyone else at this time. The arrogance of asking her terrified him. “What do you think I should do, Lady Sue?”
“I'm not even an adult, yet,” Lady Sue did sound small and young with those words. “When I'm overwhelmed, I go out for a ride with someone I know. I don't think that would help-you don't seem to find horses relaxing.”
“It's better than archery,” Rutger shrugged ruefully, realizing with this simple comment Sue had taken the building storm around them, and began spinning it into proper energy. “I've always been the embarrassment of my family when it came to being a proper man.”
Sue giggled. “I have an uncle like that. At least you can hunt. My father and mother hoped that I could teach him when I started to learn tracking and trapping, but he said his bad habits were too ingrained by then. He is a great swordsman, though. When the war is over, I hope to find him and Mama, since by then I should be ready to learn the way of the blade.”
“A sword from horseback is different from a sword afoot,” Rutger pointed out, probably uselessly.
“Yes, but-Neither of them are going to be mistaken for Kutolah marksmen. They've always wanted to be part of my lessons, and this way, they can be, even if I have to learn how to fight afoot.”
Rutger smiled at the simplicity of her resolution. “I hope that happens for you, Lady Sue.”
“What will you do, once the war is over, and your ghosts are with Mother Earth's embrace?”
“Become no one, I hope,” Rutger breathed, feeling the world settle around him, pleased with his honesty. “I can't imagine going back to the person I was, and there is no place for who I have become. Sometimes, I think I might as well be a mercenary until I die. But,” he breathed out, “if I survive to see the destruction of Bern, it would be the end of the road I've walked. I would need to find a new direction.”
Rocks shifted and more mollusks had their shells cracked, as Sue walked away from Rutger, pacing toward the castle, then looping back from the sounds of her feet. “I will be going back home, even though my ghosts will not find rest through vengeance. I failed to bring them to safety, and they need to be brought back to the Plains. But after that-there will be other paths to walk. That's what I think I should do. I think you-you should talk to someone who knows more about this than me.”
Rutger swallowed. The same advice, then, as Dieck. Lady Sue at least had not named the Elimineans specifically, but, there were not any other people trained in repairing spirits. For a rash instant, Rutger had hoped that Lady Sue would have all the answers. It would have been a relief to discover that she was wiser than the legendary Archsage, and could tell him exactly what to do.
“Thank you,” Rutger's voice was cut off by the loud noise of arrows clattering off a cart well underway.
Previous Part (Castle Idina) Next Part (Siege Camp)
Author: MorriganFearn
Rating: M
Characters: Rutger, Dieck, Clarine, Sue, Fir, Klein, Saul
Genre: Romance, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort (still not clear what that is as a genre, but it's prolly the closest to accurate I'll get)
Pairings: Rutger/Dieck
Summary: It's not exactly a secret that Rutger has some aggression to work through. It is a bit of a surprise that Dieck is interested in this. But as the first half year of the War Against Bern rolls on, the status quo they create begins to change.
Title: Not Exactly a Secret - Part 17
Author: MorriganFearn
Rating: T
Characters: Rutger, Klein, Tate, Clarine, Sue, Thany, Fir, Bartre, Shin
Genre: Friendship, Introspection, Action
Pairings: Rutger/Dieck
Summary: Rutger needs to change the direction of his path, but doing so requires thinking beyond the destruction of Bern. Dieck needs to confront the past he has been avoiding, but that might change the life he has managed to make. They try to make some plans for after the war in the middle of a battle.
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Not Exactly a Secret: Part 17
“What's this?” Someone called loudly, a booming voice that must echo across the water. “Be you members of young Roy's army?”
Fir groaned. “Dad-please, it's us. Is everyone else with you? Um, Dad, this is Klein, former General of Etruria, now acting under general or something in the army. He's in command right now, anyway. Klein, this is my father, uh-”
“Call me Bartre,” the man boomed again, probably near enough to clap Klein on the back while giving him the kind of handshake that would break his fingers, if Klein wasn't hidden by the night. His voice left that impression of unpleasantly active heartiness.
Clarine muttered something. Despite the fact that it was unintelligible, Rutger agreed with it on principal. Forthright was one thing, giving away troop positions was another. Besides, opinionated as Clarine was, her opinions were not targeted to belittle anyone, as far as Rutger had seen, so it was generally never wrong to agree with them.
Wind rushed softly over their heads, slightly louder than a swooping owl, but not enough for a comfortable warning when Rutger looked up to see the two white pegasi land only a short way ahead of the bridge. The war animals clattered on the shale, stamping a bit with nerves, Rutger would guess, but otherwise the landing was an eerie contrast of silence to the strange mercenary's arrival.
The darker smudges of Tate and Thany, out of their standard issue pegasus knight tunics in exchange for the darker tunics favored by the Ilian mercenaries of Sir Zealot's squad when out of armor, swiftly descended over the wings of their mounts. As soon as they were no longer silhouetted against the pegasi, both knights disappeared, only to re-emerge as disembodied voices by Clarine's bridle.
“General Klein,” Tate's respectful tones when whispered came out with a strange inflection, as though she was strangling another friendlier woman in the name of staying quiet. “Shin and Sue are bringing more lanterns. But the pegasi are nearly blind as soon as we leave the light of the bonfire. It's making them more nervous than I would like.”
“And forcing them into a fight where they would only be able to smell blood would only make matters worse. I should have guessed that,” Klein agreed. “I need you two on courier duty, anyway. There is a resupply galley coming at dawn, as I understand. If we want the siege here to break quickly, and we can't afford to either leave the army here to continue their deeds, or to waste enough time with them that the Governor of the Isles finds out that we have been cutting off his military support, we have to take the harbor, and that will require planning. Now, when Sue and Shin get here, we will have three ahorse, and four afoot. Captain, Knight Thany, which of the two of you is faster?”
“Um,” Thany's voice, much like Bartre's, had no filter of quiet set over it. “I think that's me. Tate's pegasus is warhorse stock, but mine is from a peregrine scout line. What do you need of me?”
“If General Roy agrees to it, I'd like you and an archer to fly to the balistae we disabled and try to use it to take out the ship that will be coming in here at dawn,” Klein told her. “Captain, you'll be my main point of contact between General Roy and Bard Elphin. My plan at this point is to capture the harbor by besieging the back gate of the castle, and, when that galley appears, I want Lilina and Clarine and Lugh to try casting thunder at it, if it comes too close to either the harbor, or the army camp. Seawater amplifies the thunder aspect of anima, if I'm remembering my lessons correctly. Between the two points of attack we ought to be able to keep the galley at least wary of sending in a landing party, if not outright disable it.”
“And by dawn, Thany and I will be able to see and fly with more surety,” Tate nodded. “I will relay your plan. Will you stay here, or are you planning to advance?”
Fir stiffened suddenly. “The portcullis is raising again. I can see torch light from the castle.”
“Then you don't need the lanterns we brought?” someone asked with amused chagrin from the bridge.
Rutger heard loud rustles of clothing and some rattling of arrows in a quiver, as Klein, and probably a few others, started. As he had been relaxing against the supports of the bridge, his own flinch was not quite as noticeable, for which he was grateful. Sue's voice had a low quietness to it, but she was unlikely to find the situation as funny as Shin, who had a habit of smiling in the face of hopeless situations, if the expressions he made whenever he heard Clarine trying to give fashionable advice to Dorothy or Rutger were any indication.
Klein recovered quickly enough, however. “No, we will be wanting them. If for no other reason than to guide the pegasus knights. Did you two catch the plan?”
“Of course,” definitely Sue this time. Rutger realized that she had a particular cadence when speaking during battle that deserted her in normal conversation. He had noticed the directness on the battlements of Araphen, but it had been gone in the bandits' castle in Fibernia as Sue considered her future. “We should probably flank the group as you advance. No one will know where we are, unless the enemy gets lucky in the dark.”
“I'll hang back on what passes for a hill before the castle,” Klein agreed with the plan. “We will create cover fire for the rest of you. Fir, Rutger, Bartre, you will be attacking the enemy head on. Clarine, I need you to make sure that our path to the harbor is clear.”
“But brother, I'm more than capable of getting rid of these brigands-”
“These brigands, as you have it, Clarine, are our countrymen, even if they've forgotten it. You cannot do the same,” Klein's voice lashed out like an icy whip. He relented within a second, sounding once more the cool-headed older brother and trusted general. “By all means, you saved us earlier, Clarine. But if we fight together you must obey my orders. There is a chain of command. Following it is part of growing up to do your duty properly.”
It struck Rutger that Klein was only a little younger than he was, and a full general. If he understood Etruria's standing military correctly, that was something like a cross between war leader and chief. Both Sue and Shin were probably of that status now, thanks to the decimation of their tribe, but Klein had been placed in that position by people who were older and more experienced than he was, and who saw a mind that they must respect. That friendliness masked reserve he had cultivated must have to withstand a lot of pressure to live up to the kind of expectation that seemed to follow him.
Clarine, normally unabashed in the face of kidnapping, trickery, and Rutger's extreme irritation, managed to hold a stunned silence for several heartbeats, before echoing Sue. “Of course, Klein. I didn't mean-”
“I know. Just please don't put yourself, or anyone else here, in danger by trying to be a one w-lady army. Now, we need to see what kind of welcome Castle Idina has waiting for us,” Klein declared.
Despite his words that the troops at Idina were his compatriots, Klein had no compunction about slaughtering the two scouting parties sent to reconnoiter his strength. At one point Rutger found himself backed up against Lady Sue's pony, when his attacker flinched and screamed long enough to slice him open from sternum to navel. When Rutger walked over the body, an arrow protruding from a fleshy inner leg scraped at his shin.
Then the postern doors wrenched closed, and the portcullis dropped for the last time, leaving their little force to the harbor access without contest. Tate was already winging over to Roy's side of the castle, carrying the news that their opponents had settled in for a true siege. Stars still sparkled on the waves. A few arrows from the battlements clattered off the stones far from the single dock, where Klein now waited, but the fire was clearly for defiance, rather than threat.
Sue's pony brought the lady even with Rutger's side. “Are you all right?”
He had a cut along his cheek that stung in the wind, another on his forehead that was finally caking into sticky clots, and he suspected that his surcoat was in need of minor repair but over all, he was perhaps a single wave of Clarine's staff away from being as good as when he started the battle.
“Fine. That axe wielder didn't get you, did he?”
“My horse blanket is torn, but I will live,” Sue's dark shape appeared to be sitting in her saddle without any discomfort, so the wound could not be that severe.
Clarine tutted angrily at Shin and Fir to their left, alternating remonstrations until Fir's father boomed for more light. Rutger prodded the ground ahead of him with his sword scabbard experimentally, but turned up no driftwood. They probably shouldn't start any fires until the siege was official, in any case. Rutger wanted to shake his head at himself in exasperation. He was getting too used to following orders.
Lady Sue exhaled slowly, as though she was trying to spread out of her body, and mingle with the night. “We should be glad that everything went as smoothly as it did.”
True, no one was dead. Even the closest of calls had not been that close during this battle. From the sounds of it, Fir might have taken a bad hit, but her voice drifted around the group, light and playful. The harbor was theirs, Idina was closed to siege, and all they needed was for Roy to name terms, or whatever the proper way for dealing with traitors around here was.
Of course, the definition of traitor was entirely based in perspective at this point. “Klein's plan did work,” Rutger said to the waiting dark. “Should we tell him that?”
“He is carrying a lot of unhappiness,” Lady Sue replied. “You know his sister better. Would she like to hear that she was good at her work when she is uncertain of it?”
“Clarine is rarely uncertain of anything. I would say Klein is much the same,” Rutger commented. “Conflicted, perhaps, but he does not question his actions when he had made up his mind. On the other hand, he's difficult to read.”
There was little to say to that, apparently. Lady Sue managed a small noise of agreement, and quiet settled between them once more, until she nudged her horse forward. “I know what you mean. His spirit is at once genuinely happy, and yet hiding all manner of other things, even the sincerity of his happiness. Bard Elphin is even worse. I noticed the same, I don't know, doubleness, in many of the Etrurians when they rescued us at Ostia, even General Cecilia. I know that she cannot be playing us falsely, but she doesn't come across as true, either.”
Rutger thought about Dieck, and his determination to ignore and push away his past. Did that produce the doubling that Sue was describing? For all he knew, his own spirit was trying, probably badly, to do the same. “Etruria is a strange kingdom,” Rutger said at last.
“It is,” Lady Sue's horse stopped walking for a moment. “The land is so beautiful and alive-you know how rivers are in Sacae, but it's more than just giving relief to the land and thirsty in Etruria, they sing with the fact that they are a way of life for so many people, it's so very different.”
Rutger did not know how rivers felt about anything. Lady Sue sounded as though she was speaking of a friend. It had been a long time since Rutger had heard anyone talk of it-spirits were the providence of priests and children, one set of which Rutger had no good reason to approach, and the other he avoided. In polite society, people did not speak to outsiders about the world they could not understand. At least the darkness gave Rutger cover enough to turn away from Sue's openness, before he could ruin it with his raw envy.
“Rutger? Did I say something unpleasant?” Sue's voice gave Rutger no warning for when her hand reached out, and touched his shoulder to stop his retreat.
His startled flinch caused her fingers to withdraw instantly, but that did little to calm the frightened rabbit-like response from his heart. The night's work had left him far too jumpy, he told himself. “It's nothing,” Dieck was right, he did lie far too much. And of all people to lie to, Lady Sue did not deserve it. “No one-People do not usually speak openly of the spiritual world around me.”
The lady exhaled, her voice rueful. “I suppose you think I'm childish. Shin always does. I just have never seen a good reason not to speak of all my observations, and my parents always encouraged it, even though I don't think my father could see the spirits at all.”
Rutger felt his assumptions grind to a halt for the second time that night. “Was he-not Sacaen?” But that couldn't be right. The granddaughter of the Silver Wolf might have had a mother from outside the Kutolah, as radical as that thought was, but never an outsider father.
“Well, he was of the Plains, and born to the Kutolah, and in that much, he would be Sacaen,” Sue's clothes rustled faintly, and Rutger wondered if she was shrugging, gesturing, or about to attempt dismounting. Since the leg did not move to hit his shoulder, however, he decided dismounting was not among Lady Sue's plans. “But
he was cast out when he was in his walking years.”
Rutger shivered. What had her father done? Or what had her family done, to warrant killing the memory of a child in the heart of a tribe? Casting out a child who had not even trained his own horse yet sounded like a judgment against blood sins. Rootless as Rutger was without Bulgar to call his home, he at least had the memory of the dead to keep him attached to the Plains. “But he returned, or you would not be-?”
“The wildflower of the Kutolah?” Sue's soft laugh sounded almost derisive. “Yes. He did everything necessary to be brought back, and he is happy now. But his spirit has always been silent. It never reaches out, and only opens if approached first. Even you-sorry.”
“No,” Rutger gripped the crusty edge of the torn horse blanket involuntarily. “I'm-I have no objections to you talking about me. As I said, no one speaks about that kind of thing around me. Not since I was a child.”
The water lapped at the dock, blending with a lively discussion about Fir's manliness, if the few clear words from Bartre were any indication. At last Lady Sue decided on whatever was right to say, as opposed to being intrusive on the life of a Plains townsman. “You're a bit of a scary mess, Rutger, and you do try to keep your spirit closed, but it just leaks out of you in other places. And it is not silent. I have never met anyone else who held themselves quietly, even when-He and Mama were-I miss both of them.”
She trailed off, and Rutger tried to remember how they had gotten to dead parents once again. Dead parents, and scary messes, apparently. A selfish part of him wanted to ignore her unhappiness and ask for all of the advice he would have asked for from a shaman. The rest of him didn't know what to do. She must be very sensitive to the spirit world, to see it so naturally in her life. Was that helpful when she had lost so much else, or was it painful?
“But what ever has happened, has happened already, and I have done my part,” Lady Sue's voice rang with the resolve not to dwell on what would have to be beyond her control. “For now we have Klein, and-Oh right, we were discussing how strange Etrurians are.”
“Among other things,” Rutger relaxed. Still, they both were without family. It was cowardly of him to try to avoid this. “If you want to talk about your family, though, I will listen.”
“You would, wouldn't you?” Lady Sue said after a brief pause. “Thank you.”
But she nudged her horse closer to Clarine, and the argument that should have been a quick healing. “I did have a point to make about Etruria, though. I've always believed that Mother Earth has-she gives us anchors to places, and makes them part of our hearts. But it is up to us to shape those anchors, and make them out own. In Etruria, with its lively rivers-even the cities have a nice feel to them, but it's a little like looking at a rare and well made sword. Everyone wants to own it. I am not sure if that is the right way to view the land-or maybe it is not wrong, but it has consequences.”
Rutger thought of Fir once more, and felt embarrassed. Then his thoughts strayed to Dieck's opinions of ownership, and soured instantly. “It would not surprise me at all, if that were the case.”
“What would not surprise you, Rutger?” Clarine asked.
When she moved to confront them, she revealed one of the lanterns, and a splash of blood on the ground, leading to an arm wearing an archer's gauntlet, seemingly disembodied as the shadows swallowed up the pool of light. Fir's pale shirt showed in the dimness, leading Rutger to believe that the arm belonged to one of their party.
“Is Shin alright?” Sue asked, gripping her saddle fiercely enough to make the rim creak as she leaned forward.
She did not, however, dismount, which Rutger thought of as strange. In her place he would be running to see if his last living link to his home was alright. But as she did not move, he took the initiative, and slid between the horses, skirting the lantern light to give a better report.
He heard Fir chuckle. “He's sleeping. Apparently its undignified to leave your horse if your wounds would cause you to fall once you found the ground, and Shin responds to healing exhaustion quickly. Father is circling the castle to see if we can get some blankets from the main camp, as well as do some non-pegasus scouting. You don't have to worry about Shin, Sue.”
“Really,” Clarine grouched. “I can't believe he didn't choose to dismount.”
Rutger knelt next to Fir. Given the dark blotch that was roughly head-shaped and breathing coming from her lap, it seemed that Shin was using her as a glorified pillow. The rocks under Rutger's hand were a little tacky, but mostly dry from what he could tell. Somewhere nearby, a horse stamped. He wouldn't dismount and had splashed this much blood everywhere before Clarine was able to heal him? “Oh, I can't believe it, either, Lady Clarine. Isn't it a show of stubbornness, rather than sense, to stay ahorse, Lady Sue?”
“I told you, I was not badly hurt by that last soldier,” Sue did not even sound too convinced herself.
Clarine sprang into action, every inch a healer. “Rutger, pick that lantern up. Sue, where are you injured?-Rutger, your face! You need to wash, once I'm done with Sue. You're lucky seawater agrees with the humors.”
It could have waited until the soapy buckets went around when they knew they weren't going to be attacked, Rutger thought, but he obeyed Clarine nonetheless. When he brought the lantern close enough, it was obvious that Sue's right knee and thigh had been cut, though, according to Clarine's probing, the cut was not deep.
“See?” Sue ended up hissing, when Clarine tried to detach the cloth from dried blood. “That stings, Clarine!”
“Well, you should have called me over as soon as you could to keep the blood from attaching your clothing to your skin like this,” Clarine replied, unrepentant. “One moment, and I'll fix it for you.”
“I was fine. I just didn't want to dismount on a bad leg.”
“Is there some secret Plains technique that involves ignoring the healers that I'm not aware of?” Clarine asked, her voice ringing with the smugness of a young girl who realizes that she has out maneuvered her elders.
The sarcastic pride of knowing better than anyone radiating from Clarine left Sue covering a giggle. “It's a technique I've studied for years, actually. If you're in a position that you can hold without too much discomfort, you should wait until you can get to people who can help you down, and know how to keep you from doing more damage.”
“Well,” Clarine lifted her staff, making it shine with the light blue light of healing, “it's not quick enough. And you might be doing more damage hanging onto your horse.”
“I try to know my limits, Lady Clarine,” Sue's voice echoed softly off the rocks and water, when it was interrupted by another clattering salvo of arrows from the castle.
At first, Rutger thought that they were aiming for the lights on the beach in another show of useless defiance, but an indignant, shrieking, unhorse-like neigh made him look to the sky, where Captain Tate was gracefully sloping toward Klein. She seemed to be coming in very slowly, showing off that she had no need to worry about arrows with a calm that was nearly ruined by her pegasus' loud irritation, and desire to trample the offenders.
Her landing was light, however, though after the hooves came to a stop, the rock rang with stamping noises, and affronted snorting. Sue, as she dismounted gingerly, tutted. Rutger considered pointing out that pegasi were not horses with wings, and were supposed to be much closer to wyverns in temperament-but he supposed that the control that a rider should have over any mount should be the same, no matter the bird-like habits of anger and fury. Though it was also possible that Tate's war pegasus was being allowed leeway by her rider given the darkness and a pegasus' learned hatred of arrows.
It was one of those moments when Rutger felt inordinately smug about the fact that he was only responsible for his own behavior and did not have to deal with horses of any kind.
“Everyone,” Klein called out from Tate's general direction, “let's gather around. Is Shin awake yet?”
“No.”
Fir's voice was cut off by a sleepy, “Yes, I what?”
“Okay, he's awake. Just not sensible.”
Sue laughed to herself once more, but concentrated on rubbing her recently healed leg. Rutger waited for her to get steady on her feet before moving himself and the lantern he was holding to the patch of darkness Clarine had trotted towards.
When the lantern reached Klein, the young man was running fingers through his hair. “Bartre and Merlinus will be coming back here with a few others. General Roy delivered an announcement of the siege to the main gate a few minutes ago. Right now, the commander is digging in. As far as we can tell, he doesn't think we know about the resupply ship, and is hoping that they'll break us. The general and Sir Lance are trying to work on a bigger surprise than what we had already planned, but Clarine, you
will need to get some sleep, so that you're well rested when it's time to protect the rest of us. We'll be setting up a camp on this side, in case any of the soldiers try to make a break from the back of the castle. You get to choose the first tent.”
“And we get to set it up?” Fir giggled, while Clarine beamed with pride.
“Well, of course! I am an important mage who needs her rest.”
Rutger tried not to roll his eyes, but Lady Sue nodded seriously. “I'm glad that you decided to start learning how to use your magic in combat. It gives us many more options. Do you need anything else? Together, I am sure this army could hold off a landing party, but I think we all would rather that this plan to sink the ship works.”
“Well, I should probably study my thunder tome-can we have more light? Or is it still too dangerous, Brother?”
Klein blinked with a slowness mirrored by Shin's half asleep eyes. “They know where we are, and with the army's bonfire, the galley will see that there are besiegers here no matter what. Let's set some torches, and get a line past their arrow range set up. Rutger, if you and Sue could place the lanterns at my direction? Uh-the rest of them should still be on Shin's saddle. Let's get started figuring out the camp configurations. Shin, stay with Clarine. Captain Tate and I need to work on some messages. We'll be on the dock once the lanterns are set. Fir, watch the gate. If it shifts, yell for us.”
Decisions made, Rutger and Sue walked the arbitrary lines of the beach, Klein prowling ahead, and calling for a new lantern at regular intervals. A crescent moon was rising, adding to the cold starlight when Rutger managed to rise from the final lantern wick, a small friendly fire glow beginning a line that guarded the harbor. Klein rocked back on his heels, letting out a satisfied sigh.
Sue's knuckles cracked gruesomely as she stretched, before addressing Klein. “You seem sad, Klein. Clarine will be fine, you know. It's good to learn how to protect yourself and others when you need to.”
The young man started, his feet backing out of the pool of lantern light. “Ah. No-I mean, well, I wish my little sister could be the little girl I left behind with my parents when I went to serve my kingdom. But I understand that we are making the best of a bad situation, and to be honest, I think she gets more support here from Lady Lilina and Lugh than her tutors at home could give her. My parents would teach her everything she would need, but-she's the youngest of our generation. I was very lucky to meet the good friends that I did at court, and I was considered a little young. For Clarine-There aren't many young people she would be allowed to associate with. She's happy here. And growing up very well.”
Sue nodded slowly. “You really mean that. May we ask what's troubling you, then?”
“Nothing serious. A friend of mine died on the Isles two years ago this month. I got the news almost directly after it happened, and had to carry it to Aquelia personally. At the time, it sounded innocent enough, but given what we've discovered so far-I'm having my doubts. Fighting these soldiers, tonight-they've betrayed their oaths and their people. It makes me wonder if anyone among these soldiers killed him. Though I have always hoped that the news was false-but if that is the case, after two years, he should have reappeared, somewhere. Not the best thoughts to be dwelling on, at the start of an important siege, I suppose.”
It was incredible, listening to Klein describe the loss of a friend and betrayal of the military he served with such equanimity. If anything, his feelings seemed to be cold, as though he was speaking of the weather conditions, with barely an inflection in his voice-up until the moment his breath caught on the word 'false,' and the pause that followed filled the void with raw cold autumn air. If Lady Sue had not been at his side, Rutger would have considered slinking away from these unspoken memories of a friend Klein would not name.
“Well, at the end of this, you may be able to question the commander here,” Sue pointed out, before frowning. “Two years ago? Last year, Bern began its march across the plains into Ilia. But I think the seeds of betrayal were sewn before that.”
“Really?” Klein's voice sounded contemplative. “Hmm, if we get drawn back into Bern's war-I'd like to hear more about that, some time. How things happened in the Plains.”
Now, the urge to slink away gripped Rutger with total ferocity. He had the night on his side. Even the lantern line was not casting enough light for Klein to notice if he moved silently away. But Klein broke away first, heading for the dock in a crunching of barnacles and a last 'thank you,' and Rutger could obviously not follow him.
“You don't want him to ask, do you?” Sue murmured, taking a stand that gave her a view of the castle's south west wall, with all of the bobbing torches.
“He's an outsider,” Rutger began, knowing he was lying by omission. It wasn't fair to either Klein to be rejected because he was not of the plains, or to Lady Sue, to be given such a lie for an answer.
“I know Bulgar fell,” Lady Sue paused, slowly searching out the words, “swiftly. With blood red streets. That was why the Kutolah decided to resist Bern to the last man and woman. But you-you're carrying the ghosts with you, so far from the grass and wind.”
Cold ice tightened his breath. He had wanted this, he told himself. He had wanted her to speak to him like an priest or shaman. He had wanted that relief, and familiarity so far from home. “They won't be able to rest in the city without justice.”
“No. It's hard, carrying all those lives, naming them, remembering them each night,” Sue murmured, making Rutger wonder how many Kutolah names she held close to her heart. “But you can't deny what happened, not even to an outsider. Ghosts need to be remembered.”
Rutger closed his eyes against the quiet sea and the looming night. The rhythms of the earth, which should be so soothing, slammed into his ears as soon as he tried to shut them out. His stomach knotted in response, tangling like a ruined warp on a loom. Sue knew what paths his spirit was walking better than anyone else at this time. The arrogance of asking her terrified him. “What do you think I should do, Lady Sue?”
“I'm not even an adult, yet,” Lady Sue did sound small and young with those words. “When I'm overwhelmed, I go out for a ride with someone I know. I don't think that would help-you don't seem to find horses relaxing.”
“It's better than archery,” Rutger shrugged ruefully, realizing with this simple comment Sue had taken the building storm around them, and began spinning it into proper energy. “I've always been the embarrassment of my family when it came to being a proper man.”
Sue giggled. “I have an uncle like that. At least you can hunt. My father and mother hoped that I could teach him when I started to learn tracking and trapping, but he said his bad habits were too ingrained by then. He is a great swordsman, though. When the war is over, I hope to find him and Mama, since by then I should be ready to learn the way of the blade.”
“A sword from horseback is different from a sword afoot,” Rutger pointed out, probably uselessly.
“Yes, but-Neither of them are going to be mistaken for Kutolah marksmen. They've always wanted to be part of my lessons, and this way, they can be, even if I have to learn how to fight afoot.”
Rutger smiled at the simplicity of her resolution. “I hope that happens for you, Lady Sue.”
“What will you do, once the war is over, and your ghosts are with Mother Earth's embrace?”
“Become no one, I hope,” Rutger breathed, feeling the world settle around him, pleased with his honesty. “I can't imagine going back to the person I was, and there is no place for who I have become. Sometimes, I think I might as well be a mercenary until I die. But,” he breathed out, “if I survive to see the destruction of Bern, it would be the end of the road I've walked. I would need to find a new direction.”
Rocks shifted and more mollusks had their shells cracked, as Sue walked away from Rutger, pacing toward the castle, then looping back from the sounds of her feet. “I will be going back home, even though my ghosts will not find rest through vengeance. I failed to bring them to safety, and they need to be brought back to the Plains. But after that-there will be other paths to walk. That's what I think I should do. I think you-you should talk to someone who knows more about this than me.”
Rutger swallowed. The same advice, then, as Dieck. Lady Sue at least had not named the Elimineans specifically, but, there were not any other people trained in repairing spirits. For a rash instant, Rutger had hoped that Lady Sue would have all the answers. It would have been a relief to discover that she was wiser than the legendary Archsage, and could tell him exactly what to do.
“Thank you,” Rutger's voice was cut off by the loud noise of arrows clattering off a cart well underway.
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