Put your kid on a leash...
Or rather, don't.
I work at Farm Fresh, which, for those of you who read this thing and don't live in Farm Fresh areas, is a big grocery store. And my Farm Fresh is a big big grocery store. And for the FIRST TIME today, I saw this woman come in with a kid on a leash. When I was twelve or thirteen at Busch Gardens, and still possessed the youthful energy that I couldn't hope to have today, I would see kids with these little dog harnesses and leashes attaching them to their parents. And I used to think about how painfully humiliating it must be for a four year old to be on a leash when Fido, the family spaniel, always has to go out on a leash too.
Now, at the ripe, fresh age of nineteen, I see this kid on a leash, and I was outraged. Infuriated.
I am not saying that the parents of these 'leash children' treat their kids like animals, and I comprehend that some kids want to run around and parents get insane when their children aren't close by. Trust me when I say this. I'll be twenty in a year, and my mother still panics when I'm not where I'm supposed to be.
But these parents, whose argument is that 'my child wants to walk. I support his independence while teaching him to stay near Mommy.'
Well, here's my argument, using myself as an example. I was a runner. I would wait until my mother's back was turned and take off and hide in the coat racks at Macy's. And my mother knew, the moment I was gone. I didn't realize this at five years old, but I know it to be true, looking back on it now. My reasons for this? 1. My mother, who is very prone to panic, never panicked when I was giggling in the coat rack, waiting to jump out and 'scare' her. 2. I used to run off, dodging my way past racks. I didn't get far, but it felt far, because I was so small. I wouldn't be in her sight range, and she wouldn't be in mine. I always wanted to run off and see if I could find my way back to her. Invariably, unfailingly, I always, always, always did. I would then proudly present myself and ask if she knew where I had been. And my mother would smile indulgently at her rambunctious little girl and tell me that she had no clue where I had been. If she hadn't been indulging the hopeful thoughts of a little girl, then when I showed up, she would have had tears in her eyes and hugged me to her. I know this from experience. (I was in the car with my father once, and we were rear ended. I stayed in the car so as not to get in the way, and when my mom came across the accident, and saw me, the only one still in a car, she assumed the worst. When I saw her, I got out, and I was hugged by my mother in a way she had never hugged me before and has never hugged me since. Desperately, with tears in her eyes, as though she had almost lost her baby girl.)
Example two: My father. When we were young, my father would take one of us to the grocery store with him. He would hold my hand as we walked into the store, and I knew to stay by my father, or stay by the cart at all times. He would let me ride in the cart, and as I got older and bigger, he would break the rules and let me ride in the basket. When I was in the basket, he was with me at all times. And when he wasn't with me, I was standing with the cart, waiting for him to come back, because my father had told me to do that. If I was good in the store, I would get animal crackers as a reward. If not, I didn't get them, and I'm sure I threw a fit.
When I misbehaved in the store, my father would kneel down to my level, and tell me quietly to stop misbehaving. And I would. As a child, I was unhappy, and I might have cried for a while, but of course, this is to be expected.
There was one time in my life that I can remember where I didn't know where my parents were. It lasted maybe a heartbeat that I looked around the crowd before my father grabbed my hand and I saw that my family was right there. I was just unobservant. This also, happens. And my mother, who is in tune with her children in a way that really and truly amazes me, knew immediately that I wasn't there, as she always has.
Certainly I won't refute the fact that I could easily have been put on a leash, and perhaps that would have relieved my parents' worry. But I never suffered from that, and was I at all damaged by it? No. Have 'leash children' been damaged by it? I believe so.
My parents, though I will argue to the death that they love me the way parents should always love their children, have protected me from the worst. But they understood that sometimes you have to climb that tree and fall, or you have to touch that hot stove and burn yourself. It's painful, and they rushed to my side to kiss the boo boo and make it all better, but it taught me next time not to touch the stove. And that is a security that I am not entirely convinced 'leash children' had. I believe that one must make a mistake to learn, and sometimes, your parents have to step back, even when they know that you're going to get hurt. Sometimes, they must give you that learning experience, and hope that next time, you understand that you shouldn't do it. Children will listen. Not always, and generally not well, but if they know that what they're doing is wrong, they may hesitate. Being a parent is much harder than being a child, but sometimes, you have to take that leap of faith and believe that your child has learned from you.
My parents might have had a lot of difficulty raising me, and I know that it's still not easy for them, because I made it difficult. But the fact is, I want to one day look them in the eye and say 'Mom, Dad, I'm okay. You raised me right, and I might make stupid choices, and I might scare you sometimes, but I'm okay. I have the wisdom of two amazing people behind me and enough smarts to pull off a life. I know you worry, and I know that's because you love me, and I thank you for that. We've all made mistakes. No one is perfect. No parents are perfect, and no kid is perfect, and I'm the least perfect of them all. But the fact is that I couldn't have asked for better parents.'
It's super-gay, I know, but the truth is, my parents have been good to me. Damn good, and the fact won't change that you don't need a leash to raise your kids right.
I work at Farm Fresh, which, for those of you who read this thing and don't live in Farm Fresh areas, is a big grocery store. And my Farm Fresh is a big big grocery store. And for the FIRST TIME today, I saw this woman come in with a kid on a leash. When I was twelve or thirteen at Busch Gardens, and still possessed the youthful energy that I couldn't hope to have today, I would see kids with these little dog harnesses and leashes attaching them to their parents. And I used to think about how painfully humiliating it must be for a four year old to be on a leash when Fido, the family spaniel, always has to go out on a leash too.
Now, at the ripe, fresh age of nineteen, I see this kid on a leash, and I was outraged. Infuriated.
I am not saying that the parents of these 'leash children' treat their kids like animals, and I comprehend that some kids want to run around and parents get insane when their children aren't close by. Trust me when I say this. I'll be twenty in a year, and my mother still panics when I'm not where I'm supposed to be.
But these parents, whose argument is that 'my child wants to walk. I support his independence while teaching him to stay near Mommy.'
Well, here's my argument, using myself as an example. I was a runner. I would wait until my mother's back was turned and take off and hide in the coat racks at Macy's. And my mother knew, the moment I was gone. I didn't realize this at five years old, but I know it to be true, looking back on it now. My reasons for this? 1. My mother, who is very prone to panic, never panicked when I was giggling in the coat rack, waiting to jump out and 'scare' her. 2. I used to run off, dodging my way past racks. I didn't get far, but it felt far, because I was so small. I wouldn't be in her sight range, and she wouldn't be in mine. I always wanted to run off and see if I could find my way back to her. Invariably, unfailingly, I always, always, always did. I would then proudly present myself and ask if she knew where I had been. And my mother would smile indulgently at her rambunctious little girl and tell me that she had no clue where I had been. If she hadn't been indulging the hopeful thoughts of a little girl, then when I showed up, she would have had tears in her eyes and hugged me to her. I know this from experience. (I was in the car with my father once, and we were rear ended. I stayed in the car so as not to get in the way, and when my mom came across the accident, and saw me, the only one still in a car, she assumed the worst. When I saw her, I got out, and I was hugged by my mother in a way she had never hugged me before and has never hugged me since. Desperately, with tears in her eyes, as though she had almost lost her baby girl.)
Example two: My father. When we were young, my father would take one of us to the grocery store with him. He would hold my hand as we walked into the store, and I knew to stay by my father, or stay by the cart at all times. He would let me ride in the cart, and as I got older and bigger, he would break the rules and let me ride in the basket. When I was in the basket, he was with me at all times. And when he wasn't with me, I was standing with the cart, waiting for him to come back, because my father had told me to do that. If I was good in the store, I would get animal crackers as a reward. If not, I didn't get them, and I'm sure I threw a fit.
When I misbehaved in the store, my father would kneel down to my level, and tell me quietly to stop misbehaving. And I would. As a child, I was unhappy, and I might have cried for a while, but of course, this is to be expected.
There was one time in my life that I can remember where I didn't know where my parents were. It lasted maybe a heartbeat that I looked around the crowd before my father grabbed my hand and I saw that my family was right there. I was just unobservant. This also, happens. And my mother, who is in tune with her children in a way that really and truly amazes me, knew immediately that I wasn't there, as she always has.
Certainly I won't refute the fact that I could easily have been put on a leash, and perhaps that would have relieved my parents' worry. But I never suffered from that, and was I at all damaged by it? No. Have 'leash children' been damaged by it? I believe so.
My parents, though I will argue to the death that they love me the way parents should always love their children, have protected me from the worst. But they understood that sometimes you have to climb that tree and fall, or you have to touch that hot stove and burn yourself. It's painful, and they rushed to my side to kiss the boo boo and make it all better, but it taught me next time not to touch the stove. And that is a security that I am not entirely convinced 'leash children' had. I believe that one must make a mistake to learn, and sometimes, your parents have to step back, even when they know that you're going to get hurt. Sometimes, they must give you that learning experience, and hope that next time, you understand that you shouldn't do it. Children will listen. Not always, and generally not well, but if they know that what they're doing is wrong, they may hesitate. Being a parent is much harder than being a child, but sometimes, you have to take that leap of faith and believe that your child has learned from you.
My parents might have had a lot of difficulty raising me, and I know that it's still not easy for them, because I made it difficult. But the fact is, I want to one day look them in the eye and say 'Mom, Dad, I'm okay. You raised me right, and I might make stupid choices, and I might scare you sometimes, but I'm okay. I have the wisdom of two amazing people behind me and enough smarts to pull off a life. I know you worry, and I know that's because you love me, and I thank you for that. We've all made mistakes. No one is perfect. No parents are perfect, and no kid is perfect, and I'm the least perfect of them all. But the fact is that I couldn't have asked for better parents.'
It's super-gay, I know, but the truth is, my parents have been good to me. Damn good, and the fact won't change that you don't need a leash to raise your kids right.