hmph
So um I'm probably going to end up alone, which is ultimately what i figured would happen anyway. My b/f is pushing me away because he cares for me and feels I'm "wasting my time" because he doesn't feel like he is going anywhere with his life. My g/f is thinking of removing herself from the situation because she know's I'm in love with my b/f and doesn't want to put any more pressure on me, even though she knows I love her and she loves me. Needless to say I feel like shit, and not to mention I feel like a huge fool. Here I sit in love with a man who I want nothing more from than to care for, I'm not ready for any kind of big commitment or an engagement or a marriage, but just to love him ..... and becuase he deems himself unworthy (for monitary reasons) what I want does not matter. So u know what, fuck that... I know it's gonna hurt and be a big nasty train wreck but even if he calls me tonight and sayse that's it the relationship is off, well fuck him.... I'm still gonna love him for as long as I want to, cause he has no control over my heart, he can not weigh down my soul. As generic as it sounds, I am going to love him like I have never been hurt before, and if he chooses to live his life bottled up and jaded because of the world and because of her .. then he can, but on the day I die ... If someone asks, "well what did u ever do with your life" I'm gonna be able to say "I loved every chance that I could". If they both go, well then fuck it, it was not ment to be..... but until the time it ends, and then even after... I'm going to love them, both.