I just need to talk....
I don't even know how to explain the end of my last relationship. I wanna call him but I can't. I wanna talk to him, but I can't. He cheated on me. He said he wasn't going to hurt me and he did, so why am I chasing him down like a motherfucking bandit trying to talk to him? Amy gave me the advice to text him and say that we'd talk when he got back. But the need to talk to him is so fucking strong that its taking every ounce of something in me not to do it. Maybe its pride. I have no clue.
I love it. I'm not mad because he cheated on me. I mean, I wouldn't care less if he spoke to her again and again and loved her and whatever. I just- I don't know. I want to talk to him. And it sucks because I can't get ahold of him. I know he's with his mom in Cali that he never sees and I'm not so selfish that I want to interrupt that with my whining. Yes I am. Or at least I was till I talked to Amy. Its like every turn I take, I see so many different paths and reasons and all I want is the truth. THIS is why I don't do relationships. They- oh fuck it I'm generalizing again and I just- I'm afraid to see my therapist tommorow because I am afraid of what she'll say. In a couple of weeks, everything went all topsy-turvy upside down on me.
I'm not selfish- I swear. I'm just confused. And upset. And I feel like I want to talk to him. But maybe its for the best. I'll just wait it out.
At least Kelly and I are friends again. I don't think I want him back because obviously getting in a relationship means getting attached and eventually losing the person you care for. I care about Kelly too much to get back with him. I can't handle losing him again.
I love it. I'm not mad because he cheated on me. I mean, I wouldn't care less if he spoke to her again and again and loved her and whatever. I just- I don't know. I want to talk to him. And it sucks because I can't get ahold of him. I know he's with his mom in Cali that he never sees and I'm not so selfish that I want to interrupt that with my whining. Yes I am. Or at least I was till I talked to Amy. Its like every turn I take, I see so many different paths and reasons and all I want is the truth. THIS is why I don't do relationships. They- oh fuck it I'm generalizing again and I just- I'm afraid to see my therapist tommorow because I am afraid of what she'll say. In a couple of weeks, everything went all topsy-turvy upside down on me.
I'm not selfish- I swear. I'm just confused. And upset. And I feel like I want to talk to him. But maybe its for the best. I'll just wait it out.
At least Kelly and I are friends again. I don't think I want him back because obviously getting in a relationship means getting attached and eventually losing the person you care for. I care about Kelly too much to get back with him. I can't handle losing him again.