Possible Positive changes
It would appear there is a chance my family has finally listened to me about moving into a place. We're actually working on the kinks.
Might even happen sometime in august.
Looks like a good possibility is back in Rancho Cucamonga.
This means I'll know the bus system, and... I may be working on going to college now. Granted It's community college, but I need to back to school. I'm realizing how much i'm missing out on the things I should know and should have done. I'm 27 yrs old and i'm still a piss ant custodian. I'm worth so much more then this.
In the last couple of months I've spoken to quite a few people. Somehow they've broken through some of my walls... without knowing I had any up. Some even motivated me, without me being involved in their conversations. I don't know if my ears have just been more open to suggestions, or if I'm so tired of the silent torment that I've finally snapped. Whatever it is, it's working... and I hope it continues... even if it is scaring me.
On a completely different note, I would like to apologize to many of you who actually pay attention to my posts, and consider me a friend. I apologize for never calling, coming around... doing anything really. I know what else I'd like to say, but it would be like making an excuse. And I don't believe there is any reason to do so. Perhaps if I find the time, everyones numbers... and have a clear enough mind, I can start making some calls in a few weeks.
And as for Anime Expo, those of you who care, I'm not attending. I don't care about the con scene anymore. Which i'm sure is a silent relief for some. But don't get your hopes up XD .... That doesn't mean I may not come around the hotels to visit some people. It'll depend on whether or not I'm even welkome. Some of you don't even have to let me know... I'll know if i'm welkome by the crowd you're with. Last Expo I pretty much got a wake up call as to whom I'm welkome around and whom i'm not. So if I ignore some people, they'll get the idea hopefully. I just hope certain people stop being "fake" with me and just tell me to go away if that's how they feel. I'll gladly walk away. There are a couple of people who I know will be there that I actually DO want to see.
Well anyway... I've found myself almost wanting to be around a different crowd. None of the kind of crowd i've known for years. I'm content with the people I DO know who are that way. But lately, ever since the party I recently attended... it's making me realize that if I get around a certain crowd... I let myself go. I just don't care what people think of me... i'm goofy and always have been... but i'm not as goofy unless i'm drunk, then i'm just stupid lol. Funny stupid that is. But yeah... I sometimes wish I could grab a certain few people... and just go out. Go to a bar, have a few drinks.. sit and chat. Shoot the shit ya know? Just a relaxing night out, not thinking about drama, not caring about drama or people... just doing are thing and enjoying one anothers company. Maybe even attend a simple party or two.
But that's just me lately.
What I really REALLY want, is to see some friends who I don't get to see often at all. And just hanging with them alone, not necessarily just me. But not hanging out with the typical crowd we always seem to hang out with. You know, a chance to get to know people better without it having to be a "Let's go hang out and talk about other people" gathering. Why not talk about one another?
Eh... thats enough of my rambling. Goodnight folks.
Might even happen sometime in august.
Looks like a good possibility is back in Rancho Cucamonga.
This means I'll know the bus system, and... I may be working on going to college now. Granted It's community college, but I need to back to school. I'm realizing how much i'm missing out on the things I should know and should have done. I'm 27 yrs old and i'm still a piss ant custodian. I'm worth so much more then this.
In the last couple of months I've spoken to quite a few people. Somehow they've broken through some of my walls... without knowing I had any up. Some even motivated me, without me being involved in their conversations. I don't know if my ears have just been more open to suggestions, or if I'm so tired of the silent torment that I've finally snapped. Whatever it is, it's working... and I hope it continues... even if it is scaring me.
On a completely different note, I would like to apologize to many of you who actually pay attention to my posts, and consider me a friend. I apologize for never calling, coming around... doing anything really. I know what else I'd like to say, but it would be like making an excuse. And I don't believe there is any reason to do so. Perhaps if I find the time, everyones numbers... and have a clear enough mind, I can start making some calls in a few weeks.
And as for Anime Expo, those of you who care, I'm not attending. I don't care about the con scene anymore. Which i'm sure is a silent relief for some. But don't get your hopes up XD .... That doesn't mean I may not come around the hotels to visit some people. It'll depend on whether or not I'm even welkome. Some of you don't even have to let me know... I'll know if i'm welkome by the crowd you're with. Last Expo I pretty much got a wake up call as to whom I'm welkome around and whom i'm not. So if I ignore some people, they'll get the idea hopefully. I just hope certain people stop being "fake" with me and just tell me to go away if that's how they feel. I'll gladly walk away. There are a couple of people who I know will be there that I actually DO want to see.
Well anyway... I've found myself almost wanting to be around a different crowd. None of the kind of crowd i've known for years. I'm content with the people I DO know who are that way. But lately, ever since the party I recently attended... it's making me realize that if I get around a certain crowd... I let myself go. I just don't care what people think of me... i'm goofy and always have been... but i'm not as goofy unless i'm drunk, then i'm just stupid lol. Funny stupid that is. But yeah... I sometimes wish I could grab a certain few people... and just go out. Go to a bar, have a few drinks.. sit and chat. Shoot the shit ya know? Just a relaxing night out, not thinking about drama, not caring about drama or people... just doing are thing and enjoying one anothers company. Maybe even attend a simple party or two.
But that's just me lately.
What I really REALLY want, is to see some friends who I don't get to see often at all. And just hanging with them alone, not necessarily just me. But not hanging out with the typical crowd we always seem to hang out with. You know, a chance to get to know people better without it having to be a "Let's go hang out and talk about other people" gathering. Why not talk about one another?
Eh... thats enough of my rambling. Goodnight folks.